


What People Don't See…

by 1sherlocktogo



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Anger, Depression, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Love, Orgasm, POV Sherlock Holmes, Redemption, Sex, Swearing, Triggers, Untold Cases of Sherlock Holmes, Video
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-19
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-01-03 22:17:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 86,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1073694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1sherlocktogo/pseuds/1sherlocktogo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All rights for the characters go to their respective owners.<br/>It took me /forever/ to type the monologue!<br/>Frequent mentions of depression, suicide and self-harm.</p><p>Imagine what those violinist fingers could do…quite alot of smut, but there is a plot and a backstory to the characters relationships.</p><p>Previously called 'The cases with me and my Holmes' i hated that name. Basically, these stories are what the public dont see. What happens behind the famous door of 221B Baker Street.</p><p>Questions about characters are allowed. :)<br/>Comments would be much appreciated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Miss Shag-A-Lot?

**Author's Note:**

> Oh! And anything in * are thoughts but if it is in a * within some speech it's an action.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is basically a mixture of Irene's and Janines character plots. We shall find out what Sherlock was working with Irene for later!  
> Next chapter= baby Watson

3 months after Baskerville-

I arrive back home after 2 weeks spent away from London- I went home to visit family in the north- as I had done many times before, since my move too London for university.

I had saw and bought some news papers on the way home because some woman had claimed to have slept with him-with Sherlock that is-obviously a lie!  
With headlines such as:  
'Shag-a-lot Holmes'  
'7 times in one night' and  
'He made me wear the hat'  
It had made me laugh. People often joked about Sherlock's sexuality- most ignoring the fact he had been in a relationship for quite a number of years (quite a lot thought he were gay- sexually attracted to John actually- which he was relentlessly teased for by Mrs Hudson.)

When I finally get back to Baker Street, I unlock the door to the flat to see Sherlock sitting on his chair  
"Im back. Miss me se-"  
I cut myself off mid-sentence as i realise.  
There was a woman- the woman from the papers- dangerously close to his lips, with damp hair, in nothing but Sherlock's blue robe, looking like she is about 2 seconds away from kissing him.

Panic quickly arose in my chest. I didn't know whether to feel angry or distraught. He looked more surprised at my presence in my own flat than she did! Is this what he did when I wasn't here, hoping I wouldn't know?   
I assumed the best of the situation and did the only thing I could think of, which didn't involve verbal abuse and a string of unfathomable profanities: play along.

"Oh I'm sorry, i didn't realise you were /busy/ I'll just grab a couple of things and I'll be gone. Irene is it?"

She looked up at me, leaning away from Sherlock, with a shit eating grin on her face and drawled out in her Irish accent:

"Yes it is. And who are you?  
Are you Sherlocks girlfriend".

"No. No I'm not."

"But your the girl from the news papers…"

"No. You must be mistaken. Im just a friend nothing more. I mean we slept together a couple of times but one of us got hurt. Not a surprise really when you think of it.  
Are you sure you aren't thinking of yourself? Miss Shag-a-lot wasn't it?"  
I was looking at Sherlock through most of this, making him pay attention to every word and her for the sardonic comment.

"You two have fun!"  
Each word felt like poison on my tongue. I was so angry at him. I trusted him! I should have listened to people when they said: 'you can never love a sociopath because he will never love you.'

I run into the bathroom and the bedroom grabbing what i need so I could leave, not hearing anything said by the two- slamming the door on the way out.  
I get out of the building as quickly as my feet will allow to run to my own flat. I kept seeing those two togeather in my head! It made me so angry with myself for letting him get too me that way! I knew this was going to happen at some point!  
The slight condisention when I wouldn't know something…  
The disinterest in contact…  
But he showed signs of genuine love…that's what I don't understand!  
He had done so much for me…what the hell am I /meant/ to feel!!

I unlock the door and slide inside to my flat, finally let my emotions out.  
A scream tore its way from my lungs, sending a signal to release the violent torrent of tears to stream down my face. My body was shaking and my breath was coming in harsh rasps. I couldn't breath. My chest feels like it has been pained by fire and punctures. 

"Why?! That bastard!   
No!"

I cried until there was nothing left apart from the pains in my chest. Even my throat hurt from the screaming. Vase's and glass lay broken on the floor from my attempt to let the rage subside from my braking various things in the flat.

I go to my own bathroom to clean myself up…  
the thoughts i had all of those years ago. I try to resist the temptation. Dear god did i try.

"Why? Why did he have to do this!  
Its you. Of course it is! Look at you. Pathetic. You should have killed yourself along time ago!  
Stupid Bitch. Thats what you are, to believe anyone could ever love you!  
Shes gorgeous! What are you?! Nothing!!!"

The razor lay on the side of the bath  
'I cant they'll notice!'  
No they wont, do it! Do it!

I shakily take it, gifting up the bottom of the dress I was wearing, looking at the scars which were already there and remembering how many times Sherlock had touched the scars, telling me that he understood and that it was going to be alright. I begin to do the one thing that i always said i wouldn't do anymore- I began to cut my thigh with the razor. The feeling of pain began to subside in my chest again and I remember why I used to do this:  
I was in control. I controlled how I felt and what I felt. I was in complete control of my life while doing this.

My thigh was dripping slightly with blood.  
On the last one I must have pressed too hard and blood started rushing from the wound.  
I panicked and grabbed my phone from the floor to call John.

"John please help me!"

"Neave? Whats wrong?!"

"Ive done something i shouldn't have. I need help please! Bring some bandages and some stitches. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry."

John new of my past, he had referred me to his psychologist when we first met.  
"Oh god! You haven't… why?"

"Thats not important!"

"Do you want me to tell Sherlock?!"

"NO! DO NOT SAY A WORD TO HIM PLEASE! Just help!!"

"Ill be there soon. Keep pressure on the wound!"

-

He gets here in 5 minuets. I hear the door open and close.  
"Where are you?!"

"Im in here!"  
I can feel my eyes getting drowsy.

He quickly sets his things on the floor.  
"Oh god! You've lost a lot of blood. I can stitch you but you have to go to hospital."

"No please no."

"You have to I'm sorry."

"Don't tell Sherlock! Please."  
My voice was full of pleading.

"What am i meant to tell him? He'll notice your gone."  
He begins to stitch the wound 

"No he wo-AHH-n't! He's got her! Im nothing to him. I never was!  
Oh god John im so sorry. Im so so sorry. Please forgive me."  
The pain was coursing through me.  
I could feel myself getting more and more drowsy. The hissing evident while talking.

"Her? Who's 'her'?  
Of course i do! Just don't fall asleep. Ive called an ambulance. They'll be here soon.  
Your the best bloody thing that has happened to Sherlock, I'll be damned if i let you die."

"Papers--"  
Thats all i say before it all dissipates to black.

-  
I wake up in hospital about 6 hours later. I could hear beeping and and see that John was sitting in the corner.

I let out a breathy call of his name  
"John…"

He rushed out of his seat to the side of the bed.  
"Thank god your alright! We almost lost you."

"How long have 'they' been going on?"

"A week and a half…You lost a lot of blood so we had to put your body in a temporary coma to help you heal."

"Im so sorry John. I didn't mean for this to happen.  
You haven't told him have you?"

"No… but i now know what you meant by 'her'"

"I don't care about her."  
I almost spat the words at him.

"I have spoken to the doctors and you can be released today. You have to take it easy. Those stitches could still come out and you have a low blood volume. You also have to…"

"What?"

"You are recommended to attend therapy with a qualified doctor."

"Fine."  
I said with more than a disinclination for it. I couldn't stand therapy again. 

"Come I'll help you get dressed and sign you out and take you home."

"Mine or Sherlocks?"

"Both."

-

I do as asked and am escorted to 221B by John. I'm actually limping from the pain- uncomfortable and The low blood volume is making me dizzy. 

John guides me into the flat and what i see doesn't help my current state.  
Irene is currently standing. naked. In front of Sherlock.

"Will you put something on? A napkin?"  
John says this with some slight disgust, looking anywhere but at Irene.

"Oh look who it is… your non- Girlfriend… with a limp.  
Oh John! You naughty man! You have a wife!"

John looks at me concerned- at this moment- i just want to curl up and die.  
"I have a pulled muscle! Stupid bitch."  
I murmur the last part. 

"Excuse me?"

"I said selatic itch. I had an itch in my leg and thats what its called. Isn't it John."

John is visibly smirking  
"Yes actually. Triggered by stimulation of sensory neurones in the top layer of skin."

"Will you put some clothes on or do we have to play dress up to get you to do so?"

"Oh Sherly… you didn't tell me she was feisty." I just roll my eyes

"Im making some tea. John do you want some?"

"Please."

I go into the kitchen to make the tea when Sherlock walks in. 

"What has happened?" He says quite plainly. Oblivious to any wrongdoing or perculiarity with the current situation which he has placed us both in.

"What? I have no idea what your talking about."

"You haven't got a pulled muscle. The limp is more severe than that and you have just been rather rude. You are never that rude to anyone."  
He places a hand to my back; i grab his wrist, yanking it away from me.

"What i do is non of your concern. It is a pulled muscle smart arse! And don't you ever touch me again! Not while you have touched her!"

"Your angry?"

"No shit Sherlock  
Of course I'm fucking angry! "

 

I finish making the tea and take it into the living room.  
"Here you are John."

"Thank you. Are you alright?"  
He whispers.

"Yes fine."  
I plant a fake smile and he can tell.

Sherlock walks back into the room… almost looking hurt.

"Are you two happy now? Im dressed."

John just snorts. I reply  
"Very much so.  
Do you have a case for us?" I look back to Sherlock. 

He tosses the files and the books from the other side of the room and mine lands on my thigh- my left thigh- i let out a short scream- the stitches have came apart under the sharp weight.  
All of the eyes in the room turn on me, including Sherlock's. John looks worried . I don't want to alarm him so I wrap my hand around my thigh and try not to let too much blood flow.

"Just a spasm carry on."

Sherlock explains the case and i just try and desperately keep the hem of my dress over my knees and thank god i wore black! The blood is barely visible.  
I feel myself get drowsy- i hadn't eaten nether so that didn't help!

"Oh Sherlock. I hate to leave but i must go."  
She kisses him on the lips.

I get up and try to run to the bathroom so i can do what i didn't manage too yesterday- throw up- i don't make it an end up wearily trying to remain in consciousness while letting the empty contense of my stomach fall to the floor.  
The blood was now trickling down my leg. I take a few steps forward- almost there- and i collapse. The whole house runs after the noise- including Irene.

"John!"

"Oh god no."

"Sherlock phone an ambulance."

"Whats wrong with her?"  
Sherlock demands to know.

"I cant tell you."

"Sherlock! I could die!"

"You haven't lost nearly enough blood to die now tell me."

"Maybe not today but yesterday yes! Sherlock please!"  
I try to push myself to stand. My eyes are getting very heavy.

"Stay awake come on! Please!"  
Sherlock calls the ambulance.

"Sherlock come here!  
I need you to keep her head raised and place pressure on her thigh. Ill get a bandage."  
He switches places with John almost immediately.  
He lift up the skirt of my dress to get to the wound and is shocked by what he see's 5 little scars behind 1 big, deep cut to match the healed scars from the past.  
He begins to panic and stroke my face with his free hand, whispering  
"Please. Come on! Stay awake! Please. For me. I love you. I'm sorry."

I hear her voice come from the corner  
"I knew you loved her. Too bad she's dying. Pretty too. Such a waste. But it looks like you didn't need her anyway do you? You should have explained Sherlock.."

I hear him shout  
"GET OUT!"

"Excuse me?"

"GET OUT NOW!"

And everything goes black.  
-

I wake up the next day in the hospital.

I see no one, just a bright light- everything slowly comes into focus:  
A person. A doctor. A nurse. Then. In the corner. Sherlock's head on my bed, his hand in mine.

"Hello. Miss Camden. Your in St Bartholomew's hospital. You are currently on morphine for the pain and you have to be kept in for another week."

"How long has he been here for?"  
I nod to Sherlock

"Since yesterday. He hasn't left."

"Ok. Thank you."

"Ill be back in an hour to check your vitals."  
I nod.

I Run my hand through his brown curls- the same as I would do if he hadn't slept for a couple of days and he couldn't acheive sufficient R.E.M. Cycles through normal sleep-as much as i am able and it wakes him.  
"Hello sleeping beauty."  
I say in a cheerier tone than necessary.

He slowly becomes conscious.  
Adjusting to the deadly white light of the room.  
"John told me everything… well most of it. I saw the wounds and it didn't take a massive leap to get to other things but he filled in the gaps."  
His eyes were beginning to get teary. My own looking down, avoiding eye contact in disgust of myself. 

"The doctors say you've lost too much blood to be released. You have to stay for a couple of days. Possibly a week or two."  
I just nod- still avoiding eye contact but anger still surging through my veins.

"Get out. Please. I cant see you. Not now."

His eyes looked desperate, the beginning of the tears rolling down his face.  
"Please no. Let me explain..."

My voice dissipated into almost nothing, just an audible whisper leading into a shout as i progress.  
"How could you? I was gone 2 weeks and you couldn't keep your pants up.  
You betrayed me!  
You humiliated me and let the entirety of the bloody UK know!  
You hurt me in the only which way you know i feared! The one way you knew i had nightmares about!  
I have had messages from my parents, my family, my friends telling me that they're 'So sorry' that 'there's always a light at the end of the tunnel.' And the fucking cliché of  
'Theirs plenty more fish in the sea!'  
What is there too explain?!"  
I had a private room but my heart monitor was going crazy so a nurse came to check it where i took on a mote composed tone before she left and we proceeded- completely oblivious to the fact that i was shouting prior which could have been heard down the hall and that tears were streaming my cheeks.

When she left we continued.  
His face too was covered in tears, his hands shaking slightly- we could both hide it sufficiently enough to keep the nurses suspicions at bay.   
"They're all lies. All of them. She did it to gain her '15 minuets of fame' i had to pretend i was in a relationship with her to gain her trust. She's crucial to a case, we NEVER slept together. She sold it as punishment for me deceiving her because the day before you came back i 'ended it'. I promise you that i never intended to hurt you. I would never do that. Especially if i knew you would do this."  
He squeezes my hand to try and reassure me but I'm not convinced.

"Likely story! I would appreciate it if you didn't lie. This was clearly a situation of  
'Oh the fat, whore of a girlfriend is gone. Lets see who else i can get'  
She was still there when i got back.  
She was still there after me being in hospital for a day And she was still there today!  
You kissed her!  
So don't you dare try to lie to me! You don't care about me! You clearly never have!"

"I can explain. Please let me explain!"

"What else could you possibly lie about?"  
My tone nothing but bitter.

"She had to stay because her flat is currently being surveilled by 5 assassins. It was for her safety.  
I didn't want to. I didn't know she would, she did it to test if we were in a relationship. If i had reacted negatively then she would have left.  
I do care! I do. I cannot express that enough! I care for you more than life itself. To help say sorry, i was organising something with her. Paying for her services to allow her to earn her money.  
John had said you had gone back home to your family when you had left. I thought you were safe!  
I would have dropped everything and left if i knew!  
I love you. I do. I know I don't show it and I'm more than aware of my blatant ignorance towards you sometimes and how, more often than not, you place me before yourself. I do love you- More than murders. I promise! I know you hate me!"

I took a deep sigh and let out an additional shaky breath.  
"I don't hate you-"  
His eyes shoot up slightly confused . 

"I love you too…you lovable psychopath."  
I lightly tug his Belstaff getting him to come closer, pulling him down to me into a bruising kiss.  
"You said you loved me more than murder... I believe you" i laugh lightly.  
Sherlock breathes a sigh of relief and pulls me as close as he can with the obstructing wires.

"Thank you."  
He whispers lightly into my ear.

"Thank you."  
His eyebrows furrow.

"For not doing anything with her." 

He sighs and smiles  
"I wouldn't have entertained the thought."

"Good because you would be in some very deep shit."

He lets out a deep throated chuckle  
"I love it when you swear."

"Why?"

"Its just nice to hear swearing come from you. Its peculiar."

"Oh so is that you asking me to swear more often."

"No! Of course not. Ill be immunised against it otherwise."

"Fair enough.  
Come sit on the bed with me.  
For the love of God take off the coat."

He does so without complaint and sits on the space which i created for him.  
He wraps an arm around me.

"How is the pain."

"It hurts."

"What is your morphine dosage?"

"Im not sure-"  
I look at the monitor  
"They have got me on 1mg."

"Your fully conscious now-"  
He leans over and controls the machine.  
"Judging by your height, weight and current blood volume-- i would say 5mg."

"Since when were you a doctor? Your a chemist."

"My expertise lie in chemistry yes. But in my line of work you have to know an awful lot about lots of different things."

"Ill trust you."  
The morphine seemed to take effect almost immediately.

"Am i meant- to- to feel like this?"

"How do you feel?"

"Happy, light, pain-free, slightly drowsy… brilliant."

"Yes, its fantastic isn't it?"

I begin to laugh  
"Yes…"

"Why are you laughing?"

"I don't know, i feel happy. If not drugged."

"Fall asleep, you'll be fine."

"No. Stay, please."

"Ok. But only until you go to sleep."

I wrapped my arms around him and shifted so he could have more space, he seemed to be comfortable.

My tone grew weary- trying to resist the sleep the drugs were pushing onto me.

"Sherlock…"

He began to run his ringers through my hair.  
"Yes?"

"The room is getting fuzzy? Do you see it? Do you hear that? There's a bird singing. Its beautiful."

"I don't hear it."

"It must just be me… you told her to get out."

"Who?… oh of course i did!"

"Why?"

"Because you were dying, she was mocking you."  
He kissed my scalp

"Where is she?"

"I don't know."

"Did you and her finish this elusive task?"  
He appeared to smile brightly at me before lifting my chin and replying  
"Yes we did."  
Before kissing my nose and returning to what he was doing before: running his fingers through my hair.

"Your very soft, warm even. Not at all irritating."

"Im a woman its in my nature. I thought you would have figured that out by now."  
I reached my hand out to touch something .  
Sherlock looked confused; it was probably just a hazed, morphine dosed hallucination.

"Oh and Sherlock?"

"Yes, my dear."

"I love you too."  
He laughed  
"I was wondering when you would catch on."

"I had caught on from the moment you had said 'and not at all irritating'  
I should hope I'm not or someones sleeping alone when I'm not drugged or in a hospital bed that is.  
Anyway if i was irritating you wouldn't have stayed with me for so long."

"I would stay with you if you became irritating, i care too much."

"I thought you said sentiment was a chemical defect found in the loosing side?"

"I said that to Mycroft, not you." He gave me an inquisitive look.

"I keep tabs on your brother Sherlock, i always have and he knows it.  
Anyway that doesn't answer my question!"

"Thats my girl. Relentless as always- i must learn to pay more attention to you sometimes.  
As for the chemical defect. Well… in the battle between you and I. I am still completely clueless about you half of the time." 

"You'll think I'm paranoid but will you do something?"

"What would you have me do?"

"Could you please, burn the sheets, give them away, to a charity shop, just get rid of them. Please. I know you think I'm paranoid but please."

"Ive already done it."

I look at him dazed.  
"Really?"

"I didn't want anything in the flat to remind you of her and i knew you wouldn't so i told John to get rid of them."

"Your brilliant Sherlock."

"You do know your saying that out loud?"

With that i fell asleep.

-

I awoke to the empty bed and a nurse standing at the end of the bed.

"Can i leave today?"

"I wouldn't advise it Miss Camden.Most of your vitals are normal but you blood pressure however is low and your overall blood volume is low but we cant keep you here."

"Ok thank you. Could you please inform the doctor that i will be leaving today? "

"Of course, but are you sure that is wise?"

"One of my friends is a doctor, I should be fine."

"As you wish ma'am."

-  
John and Sherlock both visit the hospital later that day.

"Hello boys, I'm leaving."

Sherlock looks confused. John however understands  
"You cant. You beed to recover here."

"Your a doctor right?  
You visit the flat every day do you not? Whether it be to let us know how the baby is, to let the baby visit or to help us with a case.  
Keeping an eye on me while you do so shouldn't be much of a burden then should it.  
I can look after myself and Sherlock is at home quite a lot anyway…"

Sherlock and John give each other a glance  
"Fine but I will be checking on you every day. Sherlock you need to keep a record of everything  
Blood pressure  
Food diary etc."

"So be it."

I smile hopefully  
"So that means i can go?"

John nods.  
"Thank you. Sherlock will you help me get dressed?"

"Yes of course. Bottom draw?"

"Yes. John if you wouldn't mind."

He nods and leaves without question.  
I dress the majority of myself without help but i got to light headed putting on my jeans so he had to help, holding me up.

The doctor gives me all of my pain killers etc and we soon leave, me sadly in a wheelchair to avoid me fainting- doctors orders.

-  
"Don't they have you on morphine?"

"Yes, tablet form of morphine."

"Where are they?"

"I hid them."

"Why?"

"You and I both know why. It would be hard for me to administer my own shot, let alone hide it that means you would have to do it and I'm not taking the risk- you and I both know what happened the last time morphine was any where near you. It nearly ruined your life; i asked for them in pill form and they give me them."

"Do you not trust me?"

"Of course i do but isn't that what you asked me when me and John found you in a crack den and you then tested positive for drugs?  
Its best if neither you nor i know where they are and the rest of the drugs are non addictive."

Sherlock looks away in shame and takes in a deep breath, tapping on the back of one of his hands.  
"Thank you."

"What for?"

"Your doing what you think is tight for me. Again. More than i can say for myself, i always put you in danger."

"No you don't. You doing what you love makes you happy and anything that comes with it, good or bad i have accepted and i love what you do."  
There is a pregnant silence before he smiles slightly.

"Can you help me to the-"  
He already had known what i would say and began to carry me to the bedroom.  
I playfully slap his chest  
"Hey, i said help, not carry."

"Yes but you get dizzy when you stand so i elected to carry instead."

He places me on the bed with a blanket over myself  
"How did i get so lucky?"

"Oh, I don't know fait? Destiny? The movies at the theatre?"

"Probabliliy actually. But thank you for your input."

"I don't know… i like the theatre theory better."

He chuckles  
"Of course you do."

"Sleep with me?"

"I cant you get dizzy standing, i don't want to incapacitate you because of lack of blood flow."

I give him a look  
"I said sleep with me not SLEEP WITH me.  
My mind doesn't always jump to sex when I'm lying in bed you know."  
I just wink.

He gets to the other side of the bed and joins me, assuming his normal position with his arms around me while mine were under my head and on his chest- almost an automatic response at this point.

"Im not hurting you am i?"

"No, not intentionally, my normal position isn't great for my thigh anyway, ill adapt."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

-

I am awoken by John lightly shaking me- I'm not impressed (not unusual if someone has woke me up.)  
"What."

This wakes up Sherlock too  
"I need to check on you and your lying in the most awkward position to do so while your sleeping.  
Ive never met a couple to sleep in such an awkward position in all of my years."

I see Sherlock smirk in my peripheral vision.  
I sit up and allow him to check my pulse, blood pressure, the stitches and the pain levels.  
"You need some morphine where is it."  
I whisper the answer  
"Wherever you put them."  
John was perfectly aware of Sherlocks past drug abuse- before his time but i had informed him before i had given him the morphine so he knew why i was doing so- Sherlock was not to know they weren't even in the house.

He leaves the room and gets one capsule to give me.  
He returns.  
"Take this along with the rest of your pain killers an you'll be fine. Rest, your blood pressure is slightly too low still bit higher than it has been which is good."

I say in a mock tone  
"Thank you Doctor Watson!  
Sorry, i just felt the need to do that!  
Ill stay in bed today then but I'm getting out tomorrow."

"We'll see. No activities which would heighten your heart rate either…"  
He looks to Sherlock for this

"Im not completely ignorant John. Nor am i stupid… anyway-"

""Sherlock. Don't you dare say what i think-"  
Too late.  
"She can barely stand- or breath for that matter- after a normal night- like this, it could be deadly."

I turn a bright shade of crimson and playfully slap his thigh.  
"I cant believe you just said that."

John just smiles at Sherlock before he packs up all of his equipment.  
"Ill be back tomorrow same time."  
I quickly glance at the clock- 7:30

"Make it 10- to be on the safe side… and so i don't murder you."

"10 am it is."  
-  
I laughed hysterically throughout  
"Why did you say that?! Im mortified!"

"Your laughing!"

"Yes because i thought it was funny! Im still mortified!"

He pins me down  
"Well do you find this funny?"  
He leans down and begins to blow air onto my ear and my neck.

"What are you doing- no! Hahaha!  
Oh god STOP! SHER- watch my leg! Stop please! Ill do anything!"  
He stops.

"Anything?"

"Yes! Just as long as you stop it! You know i hate that!"

He begins to lightly trace my neck with his fingers. I hum in appreciation.  
"What did John say?"

"How can i resist with such temptation lying in front of me?"

"Easily. Trust me! My body has suddenly decided to produce sex hormones like i'm in my teens again and i cant do anything!"

He raises is eyebrows  
"Really?  
Then why don't we do something about that then?"

"You know why...I'm sorry."  
He pushes hair behind my ear, kissing my temple.

"I know, its fine. Don't worry.  
-  
John checked up on me everyday- i was making progress every day. Thankfully.  
Within a week and a half i was just about fully recovered.

-

I shouted through the house  
"Sherlock?!"

"In here!"

"Are you busy?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Drop it."

"Why?"

I repeated the same sentence but in more of a firm tone.  
"Drop it."  
I grabbed the papers at on his lap and carelessly dropped them to the floor.  
I then grabbed his wrist, pulling him from the chair which he was sat to our bedroom.

"What are you doing ?"  
He sounded concerned

"Your the detective you figure it out!  
Ive never had so much pent up sexual frustration since before i met you."

At this point i began to remove my shirt, unbuttoning as fast as i could.  
He gave a huge grin and lifted me up so my legs were wrapped around his waist- he gave me a deep and dirty laugh to revel in-i released a little squel as he did so.  
He pushed me against the wall, kissing the already exposed flesh of my chest.

His hands wandered up my chest, massaging my breasts -through the black cups which covered them-which pulled a moan from my lips.  
He pulled me back from the wall in favour of placing me on the bed where he began to remove his own clothes- taking off the purple shirt completely and unbuckling his belt.

Our breaths significantly more laboured, our hands exploring and worshipping.  
My hands ran down his back, toned, soft and dear god! Very fun to use against him.

I unbutton and unzip the rest of his dress pants, he stands and I yank them to the floor, he steps out of them and kicks them away- pinning me down in seconds with his lean, toned body looming over me once more.

The only articles of his clothing left were his white boxers whereas i was half- dressed; still wearing my bra, jeans underwear and socks.  
He dragged his palm down my stomach, pushing down my hips, and unbuttoned my jeans and began pulling them down my legs, throwing the article to the other side of the room.

I whimper his name as his lips kiss my abdomen. I reach behind my back to undo my bra which i divest while he still works on lower. I, along with the rest of the clothes toss the bra somewhere, just hearing the faint sound of it land.

He kisses his way back up to my breasts where he begins to play with my breasts which send short volts of pleasure but not enough to make a difference.

I breathy gasp escaped my lips  
"Sherlock…"

I could feel his clothed erection against my thigh; i began to slowly undulate against him which brought forth a sinful moan.  
"Please…"

His self control snapped and he tore my underwear away, revealing my full form to him. He leans up to whisper in my ear  
"So what so you purpose?  
I could talk. I know how much you love to hear me talk, the noises i make arouse you; don't think i haven't noticed.  
I could use my hands, nothing but my hands to drive you to the edge of bliss...  
I could use my tongue. I know how much you love watching me giving pleasure to you.  
I could combine more than one if you wish?  
Either way, as long as you moan my name, as long as those filthy noises get louder, as long as you scream for me, i will be satisfied.  
So. What will it be?"

My breath was shaky, i had my eyes closed the entire time, imagining everything he was describing.  
I open my eyes once more, eyes completely dilated.

"I don't care just please, give me something. Anything."

"Thats my girl. This is just the warm up my darling don't worry , you shall have everything i can offer soon enough."

His hands roam further down my abdomen until he finds the curls crowning my sex. 

“Oh darling, I’ve missed you so much, it’s torture being away from you, not being able to see you, not being able to lie with you, having to lie awake worrying and not being able to please you whenever you need it. Tonight is all about you.”

His fingers begin to stroke, slowly down my folds, and back up again to circle my clit.  
"Mmm yes"

He eventually dips a finger in and slowly pumps over and over, releasing some tension, he adds another finger making me moan and whimper  
"Please faster…"  
He does so without a word allowing the pleasure to radiate throughout my body.  
He begins to speak

"You like that don't you? The feeling of being penetrated by me? I love it when your like this: completely surrendering to the pleasure only I can give you.  
The noises you make-"  
He groans  
"- I've never heard anything so erotic come out of you before; so wanton, so pleasure laced, SO good. You like the noises don't you?"  
I nod and whimper

"Of course you do, the look on your face whenever you hear a moan surpass my lips, yours even!  
Ive been watching you. These past few months, any time you hear something vaguely alike to a sexual moan, your pulse jumps and your eyes blow. "  
I arch my back allowing his fingers deeper inside of me, he twisted and curled them in a sinfully good way i let out a wanton moan.

"Tell me how you feel at this very moment."  
My eyes roll to the back of my head .

"Mmmmm, yes. So good.  
Sherlock yes. All i can feel is pleasure… clouding my veins. Very, very good. Harder please."

He began to kiss me, slowly, passionately, while picking up the page of his fingers inside of me.  
His kisses got lower and lower until he began kissing and nipping the skin of my inner thighs, getting closer to where i wanted. Needed his mouth to be.

He quickly latched on to my clit, causing my back to arch and me to let out a scream.  
"Yes!"

I felt his fingers change rhythm and he begins hitting the sweet spot inside of me  
"Keep going please I'm so close."  
One of my hands slip into his raven curls while the other tries to cling on to the pillow for support.

I feel his hot tongue against my folds, drawing obscure patterns against me and the pleasure from his fingers and his hot tongue begins to tighten the coil inside of me further and further  
"Im so close! Please, just a little more! Sherlock, oh god!"  
He twists his fingers in such away they firmly hit my sweet spot which drove me to release, cumming with a whimper.

Sherlocks fingers slow but his mouth works harder to taste every last drop of my release which allows the orgasm to go on for much longer than usual.

All of my muscles relax as the climax subsides but Sherlock isn't done.  
He crawls his way back up my body and deeply kisses me.

"Were not done yet. I promised to make you scream and i intend to make you do so."  
His hands wander down to lightly play with my over sensitive clit which causes my hips to buck towards the touch and let out a suppressed whimper.  
"Let it all flow through you, let it consume you."

He lined himself up with my entrance, before looking me in the eyes- his completely blown and slightly hazy from arousal.  
"Ready."

"Yes."

He pushed in, painfully slowly, allowing me to feel him entering me inch by inch; the feeling of him stretching me to my limit: overwhelming.

"So tight. Oh god."

He starts a low place initially but picks it up as i begin to moan.  
"Sherlock, yes."

He begins to kiss my neck in the spot below my ear-where he knows is the most sensitive- to get the best response, which he does:  
I lace my fingers in the raven curls once more and lightly tug which causes a guttural moan to escape his lips which goes strait to my sex.

"Harder please."  
He obliges, clearly no longer showing any restraint. The pleasure coursing through my veins serves to tighten the coil of tension deep within me.  
He places a hand underneath my back to change the angle and it becomes too much.  
"Sherlock! God yes! So close! Fuck! Mmm. Yes baby! Yes thats it! So good inside of me! "

He pistons his hips, his curls getting plastered to his forehead, his face a sign of pure pleasure and concentration, so close to release.  
"Cum for me."

The coil of tension was so close release- just a couple of more thrusts.  
"Thats its baby! YES! SHERLOCK!"  
The coil snapped allowing us both release in a bath of pure bliss. 

Our bodies: sweat drenched, relaxed, collapsed, breathless.  
He rested his forehead against mine, breathing returning to normal.  
I finally opened my mouth after about 5 minuets of lying there.  
"That was…oh god!  
I needed that. Thank you."  
I pressed a kiss to his lips which he returned. 

"Happy to oblige."  
He went on to roll us on our sides.  
I whispered  
"I love you Sherlock Holmes."

To which he replied  
"I love you too darling."

"Did you hear that?"

He looks up alarmed, trying to listen out for anything  
"No, i don't." 

I just go back to stroking Sherlock's hair when...  
I was right- i did hear something: john walks into the room  
"Im here to-- OH MY GOD! Im so sorry!"  
He turns around to face the wall.  
Sherlock had me pressed against his front so John didn't particularly get an eye full.  
Sherlock looks pissed  
"What are you doing here?!"

"To check up on Neave!"  
He justifies

"I had an actual hospital appointment today! I told you yesterday that you wouldn't need to come round!"

"Oh yes so you did. Uh- ill go in the front room. Harry is there if you want to see him."  
He leaves- looking rather embarrassed at that! 

I just look at Sherlock and giggle slightly, he joins it but still looks a combination of pissed and confused.  
We release one another from our grips in favour of quickly getting changed and having a shower before joining John in the living room with little baby Watson.


	2. A.M.E.R.I.C.A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Music video- Motionless In White. Interesting  
> I do not own any of the lyrics and i have not heard Chris Motionless speak so this representation will not be accurate.  
> If you want to find out what happens i can do that but i would rather do the 'smutt' every other chapter if possible. Please let me know.

3 weeks later-

Sherlock sits in his chair shouting through the flat requesting my presence.  
"Neave?"

I walk into the room half asleep and still in my pyjama shorts and shirt.  
"Im tired and i don't mean to be rude Sherlock but /what/? Its 6:30!"

"I need your assistance with a case."

"Could you have not waited until the morning to ask me?"

"No. I think you'll like this one, it's got to do with one of these bands you listen to."

I raise an eyebrow immediately intrigued and now somewhat more awake.  
He picks up a piece of paper and reads from it  
"They're called 'Motionless In White'"

"Wait. what?! Do you mean THE Motionless In White? What have they done?"

"Well, its not them in particular, its one of the actors who have been hired for a new music video. He's a suspected assassin."  
He hands me the case file.

"The video… are you sure this is right?"

"Yes, why wouldn't it be?"

"Because they've already filmed the music video for 'A.M.E.R.I.C.A.'"

"That is what i wanted to talk to you about.  
The original has been deemed to 'unrealistic' for it to be kept on the Internet apparently, they have to film it again but in a slightly more appropriate way and this is where you come in… you are going to be in it."

"What?! What do you mean I'm going to be in it?!"

"Your going to be a carnival girl."  
He gives me a huge toothy grin because he knows i don't want to do it an that grin- i think- makes him look adorable.

"Do you mean the ones with the corsets?

"Are there any others?  
So Will you do it?"

"Sherlock, you know i love you but i cant."

His eyebrows furrow  
"Why not?"  
He sounds slightly stubborn

"You know why, ill have a heart attack! You know i hate having the attention of people on me never mind cameras! Thats why i couldn't do theatre! I shake like I've been stood in the cold and there will be no one there i know and I cant just talk to people, i get anxiety and-"

Sherlock had walked over to me, his blue dressing gown flowing slightly behind him- he could see i was already panicking at the thought of it, my chest felt tight. He pulled me into his arms cutting me off mid sentence.

"You wont be alone, ill be there, throughout, I have to be your manager. I have compleat faith in you, you can do this… and i will make sure you face no criticism.  
We have to be on set on Monday at 12am.  
Do this. For me, please?"

"Fine but only because it gives me an excuse to dress how i had always wanted to in my earlier years"

He kisses my scalp- a smile curling his lips and whispers.  
"Thats my girl."

"Can i go back to bed now?"

"Yes, you may. Goodnight."

I grasp his wrist a mischievous smirk gracing my lips.  
"Oh no you don't. I went to bed at 11pm last night and you didn't join me and when you awoke me, your side was still undisturbed, you haven't slept. Your coming to bed with me."

"I should really stop teaching you to observe more, its doing me no favours."

I laugh.  
"That was your decision not my own, this is all you. Now stop stalling and come to bed with me."  
I punctuate the last part with a tug on his wrist.

"Is that an invite?"

"Ha ha, very funny. It is for sleep and nothing more, you insatiable man! …  
but if you behave, i might actually let you see me in my corset."  
I throw him a wink and lead him to his own bedroom.

We both retreat to the room and settle under the now cold cover of the duvet, relaxing into the, now immediate sleeping positions which we had developed over our years together.  
"Thank you."

I looked up from where my head was buried in his chest  
"For what?"

"For agreeing."

"Oh. No need to thank me, if my participation will help you solve the case then i am happy to comply."

"Too modest, as per usual, you don't understand how grateful i am for everything you put up with."

I place my hand on his chest, my eyes feeling heavy.  
"Sherlock, sweetie, i don't 'put up' with anything, nor do i tolerate it. I love you and i will do whatever i can to help, however peculiar that task may be; I'm just grateful you asked my permission before hand and you didn't just tell me 5 minuets before hand. I love to help you in whichever way you see fit." I place a kiss over his shirt onto his heart which makes his lips curl into a slight smile- his eyes were fully closed now but he was still awake, I felt him pull me close where my eyes finally closed and i drifted into unconsciousness. 

-

"So what do we have so far?"

"Alexander Markov, assassin. Wanted in 3 countries, including Belarus. He is currently residing in the outskirts of London.-"

"Homeless network?"

"Yes.  
Observation shows that he is currently partaking in the filming for a music video, why?  
I assume because he is targeting someone there.  
My deductions show that he has just arrived in the UK from Russia, judging by the soil on his shoes on the day of his arrival,  
He has been underground for some time and has just resurfaced giving that his assets were frozen for the last year and an exorbitant sum has just been transferred.  
While you are filming i will be keeping a close eye upon mr Markov and watching his every move."

"Ok thats fine, what time do we have to be there?"

"12."

"Ill get ready then shall i?"

"Do you want some help with the tattoos?"

"No, ill be fine, John said he would help."

"John?!"

"Yes. John, i want it to be a surprise what i look like and oh! I have organised a meeting with the 'manager' of Mr. Markov in 45 minuets so I would get going."

"How did you do that?"

"Your not the only one with connections now go.  
Don't worry about john, when he applies them ill be dressed."  
The jealousy seems to die down a bit then.

"Your brilliant!"

"I know! Now go."  
I playfully push him out of the door, firmly placing a kiss to his lips before allowing him to leave.

I get myself dressed in the costume the wardrobe department had sent for me;  
Black and white striped leggings.  
Black, ankle boot, painted leather heels.  
And finally  
The black corset.

I put everything on correctly- save the shoes- managing to tie the corset myself, i am just about to tie the laces in a bow when John calls

"Neave?"

I shout back  
"In here."

He walks in as I'm about to tie it  
"Im surprised, how do you know how to tie this?"

"My sister had one when she was younger and i was the one who had to tighten it and when i tried it on, i taught myself how to do it without help… and just how do you know how hard these are to tie?"

"Harriet went through corset training for about 2 months when she was a teen, i had to tie hers."

"Oh ok. The tattoo sleeves are over there, you just have to put the sleeves onto my arms and get them damp and it will transfers but the individual one's for my back you have to do one at a time- same principle."

Me and John first get the sleeves in place and soak them with wet bandages to make sure they adhere properly and john does my back for me.  
Soon enough I'm covered in tattoos- fake ones obviously- damn! I look good.  
The shoes compliment the look, making me look taller and thinner.

John sees the-almost- finished result (the make up and hair was getting done by professionals.)  
And sucks in a breath, looking suprised.

"How so i look?"  
I ask, slightly incredulous.

"Fantastic, he'll love it."

"Really? I wouldn't take him as one for tattoos."

"He isn't, but he's one for you."  
I blush at the last part.

"Thank you, are you ready?"

"Yes, just let me get my keys."

"You can now get back to Mary and the little one."  
He laughs

"Enjoy!"

"Your still coming to watch the filming right?"

"Yes, of corse, 1:30 right?"

"Yes. See you then."

"Bye."  
With that i wave goodbye to John and hail a cab which takes me to the studio.

I get taken straight to hair and make up where I get extensions placed into my hair to make it look longer, they tie it up in a side pony tail, making it huge and gorgeous, finishing by placing a hair band with a little black top hat on the side.

They cover my eyes in thick eyeliner with a perfect flick with black, purples and dark blue's to cover the rest of my eyelids and my lips stained a matt black which compliments the pale of my skin.

As soon as I am released from hair and make-up i see the producer and get directed as to what will happen and we go through a test run, first by myself and then with the leading man- Chris Motionless.  
I essentially have to dance around a pole, attempt to look sexy and let him wrap his hand around my throat.  
Be slightly flirtatious.  
Simple. (I wish)

Sherlock, where is he?  
Still held up in the interview?  
Lost?

John arrives just in time, i sneak behind him  
"Boo!"

"Jesus Christ! You scared me… my god you look totally different, I almost didn't recognise you."

"Is that a good or a bad thing?"

"Good i assure you."

"Have you seen Sherlock?"

"Yes actually, he said he'd be 5 minuets."

"Ok, thank you. Thank you for coming, you didn't have to."

"No! Its perfectly alright! To be honest i actually like the band."

"Really?"  
I raise an eyebrow.

"Well… Sherlock had asked me to come after you did so wither way i'd be here. But the band… they're ok, good."

"John Hamish Watson, you sly fox you! Have i rubbed off on you?"  
I said in a mocking tone?

"Fine, maybe a little."  
I laugh but i hear the call for the actors so i have to excuse myself

"I have to go but enjoy."

"I will and Neave?"

"Yes?"

"Stay calm."  
I hadn't noticed my pulse jump and my chest get tighter, apparently, he did.  
I took a deep breath.

"I will."

I get on the stage a they film the first scene, i see Sherlock enter just as they begin to film- he naturally, stands next to John.  
We don't start at the beginning of the song- we start about mid- way through.  
I start of on the pole… well next to the pole, i just have to dance of it and collect 'money' from the audience Gathered around it.

"We upload our status and beg for attention.…"  
-  
"Where is she?"

"You can't see her?"

"No why should I, its not like shes on stage, there are dozens of people here."

"Sherlock! Shes is on stage!"

"Where, in the crowd around the pole?"

"She's the one on the pole."

John sees Sherlocks jaw instantly drop and his eyes go dark.  
"She thought you'd like it."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Come off it Sherlock, you didn't recognise her and when you did your jaw hit the floor and your eyes dilated.  
If your telling me you don't like it your lying."  
John finished, sounding ever so slightly smug.

The directer called cut on that scene and said to go strait to the scenes with Mr. Motionless, i did so and quickly got into position- with him pressed against me with his hand around my throat.  
*action*

"A.M.E.R.I.C.A. Home of the brave, the sick and deprived."

I had to transition into the next shot so he ran his hand up my back *all of this was scripted.* pushing me down so i had one leg standing and the knee of the other on a platform, on all fours.  
He ran his hand up my thigh to my hip and up my back again. All while singing the lyrics.  
I was uncomfortable throughout but i had to look totally indifferent- basically, how i looked on a normal day while doing most tasks, except while making it look sexy.

I catch a glance at Sherlock, jealousy evident in his eyes coupled with clear arousal.  
*cut*

The final scene was just me suggestively handling some objects I.E. a cane

"We take medication to be someone else…"  
I do as directed and finish my turn of filming as quickly as possible- at which point the director thanks me for my time and goes on to film other scenes.  
Just as i am about to go to John and Sherlock Mr. Motionless catches me

"Miss Camden?.."

"Ah Mr. Motionless, i must say it has been an honour to work with you."

"Likewise but i would like to apologise for the manner in which i touched you, i was informed you were uncomfortable with it."

"No need to apologise. I completely understand and please don't take offence, I'm just not 100% comfortable with scenes such as this."

"I would like to thank you for your time and wish you the best of luck with your case."

"Thank you, i hope the rest of your filming goes alright."  
He offers me his hand;  
I shake his and place a kiss to both of his cheeks to say goodbye.  
"Goodbye Mr. Motionless."  
"Bye Miss Camden."

I walk over to Sherlock and John,  
John praises and congratulates me.  
The look Sherlock gives me is nothing short of pure lust and jealousy.

"Did you find what you needed?"

Sherlock takes a few moments to register and clears his throat  
"Yes, Markov is here on business.  
His target is one of the stage hands-Nathaniel Collins- he has links to gangs and is currently embezzling funds from numerous small budget music videos.  
I don't know why but the police will get that out of him, I've already given them account numbers.  
Lestrade will be here at the end of filming as not to disturb the shoot."

"Why exactly did you need me here?"

"I could only gain access to this set, if i had an actress and i had one sleeping in my bed, you were my ticket in here."

I scoff  
"Im glad I'm of some help. Is there anything else i need to do?"

"Yes actually. Do you see him over there?"  
He points to a stage hand with short dark hair and 2 sleeve tattoos.

"Yes…"

"I need you to steal his phone."

"Ok, thats …simple. Actually, yeah it is i have a plan."

"What exactly would that plan entail?"

"Watch and you'll find out. Ill give you a clue  
I think, looking like this, im just his type…"  
I walk over with as much confidence as i can muster.

"Excuse me are you Nathaniel? "  
I smile shyly and bite my lip

He takes one glance at me and shows me a rather creepy grin, I try not to let that show.  
"I am how can I help you?"

 

"Yes actually you can..."  
I grasp his wrist looking left and right. I drag him down the hall… he pick up on my plan and pinned me to the wall, feeling whatever he could of the corset- internally i was screaming- i set to work on his jeans, trying to give the impression i was feeling for what was underneath when i was just looking for his phone. Found it! Now to try and swipe it.

I stick my hands in his pockets. I can feel the phone. I have to act like this is somehow the game plan, i grab his arse and pull him closer- he just growls- then i swipe the phone, keeping it out of his sight. I whisper in his ear, tugging with my teeth oh his ear lobe  
"Not here... Meet me in 15 minuets in the dressing room."

"You saucy minks."  
He slaps my arse and walks to the room.  
I put the phone in between my breasts- i had no pockets- and walked back to Sherlock and John.

"How long before the police get here?"  
I said with urgency. Sherlock looked worried.

"10 minuets why?"

"Good. Lets leave."

"Why? Wheres the phone?"

"I have it, lets leave... I was right, i am his type and I may have said i would fuck him in my dressing room in 15 minuets so i could get his phone."  
Johns eyes shoot up and Sherlock's look angry.

John decides to try and avoid this potential argument.  
"Yes, lets go."

"THANK YOU!"  
I look at Sherlock, he still looks pissed.

"Don't worry we didn't do anything. He's a creep, trust me."  
His face softened, a slight mirk appearing on his features. 

"Getting jealous were we?"  
I chuckled lightly.

"Jealousy? I have no idea what your talking about."  
His features remained aloof but his eyes said otherwise. 

"Are we ready? Lets go."  
Just as we were about to leave i hear a voice shout my name I turn towards it. Chris.

"One of the girls has just fell sick. Could you fill in for the last scene?"

"Yes. Of course. Which one is it?"

"The beginning with the girls in the cage."

I look at Sherlock to ask for permission. His eyes look blown.  
The corset and the tattoos were one thing but me in a cage grinding on girls was another.  
Apparently this man did have fetishes.  
"Yes, of course thats fine.  
See you soon boys."

I perform the necessary scene with the other girls in the cage, practically grinding on one another while the ring master welcomes the 'audience'.  
I saw his eyes pinned on me the entire time- i could do nothing more than entertain his mind.

And finally the scene was done. Just in time too as Lestrade walks in with some of his officers. 

"Where is he?"

"My dressing room… oh and i'd send a man in there… just in case."

His eyes narrow in suspicion  
"Just in case what?"

"Oh you'll see."  
I tried to suppress a laugh but failed.

"And i have his phone... Sherlock if you wouldn't mind…"  
He already knew what i meant. I was wearing a corset and skin tight leggings, there was only one place i could hide it.  
He wrapped his coat around me while still wearing it, allowing me some modesty so only he and i could see what was going on.  
I pulled out the phone from its position, currently pressing against my left breast and ribs.  
I kiss his nose and whisper my thanks.

I handed the phone to Lestrade, still looking utterly clueless as to how i got it and where i put it.  
"Thank you… i think.  
So what have you discovered?"  
Sherlock gave Lestrade all of the information he had deduced. 

Not minuets after, Nathaniel Markov was walled out of the studio with a rather angry expression and… no shirt or jeans on.  
I gave him a little wave as he looked my way… if e wasn't pissed then he was now.  
I couldn't stop laughing.  
John spoke up, himself rather amused at the progression.  
"You cant laugh this is a crime scene..."  
He soon too joined me in the laughter and Sherlock gave in too.  
I soon gained my composure and the air i needed to breath.

"Home?" Sherlock.

"I should think so yes."  
We made our way out of the building- they let me keep the outfit much to my own pleasure- I had thankfully placed a jacket over myself- Sherlock spoke up.

"John have you checked your phone?"

"No why?"

"Because Mary's gone into labour.  
3…2…1"  
Right on time Johns phone rang. He answered it and sure enough it was the hospital. 

"You were right. Ive got to go!"

"Go on then! Run! You don't want to miss it!"

"Will you two be alright?"

Before i could answer Sherlock cut in  
"Yes. I have something planned. Now go! And you know Sherlock's a girls name too?"

"Of course it is! I have to go. Ill see you both later."  
He darted down the road- St Barts was only 5 minuets for a run.

I look at Sherlock…  
"and what do you have planned?"

"You'll find out… soon enough."

I raise an eyebrow…  
"Sherlock…"  
Soon enough.…


	3. Baby Harry and the suprise.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We were babysitting John and Mary's baby - the little angel.

I walked into the front room to find John with the little baby Watson- Harry (not named after his sister Harriet A.K.A Harry. Mary liked the name, she felt it reflected the British nature of John's time in the army.) 

"So how is the little man?"

"Oh he's brilliant. Still like his dad."

"Is that good or bad?"  
I say in a playful tone.

"At least he has good health."  
We both laugh.

"Where has Sherlouck went?"

"Still getting dressed i believe- more high maintenance than me."  
John chuckles just as Sherlock walls into the room, buttoning his dress jacket.

"Isn't that right darling? "  
He looks confused.  
I just chuckle  
"It doesn't matter."

I turn back to John  
"You look tired. When was the last time you and Mary had a night alone?"

"Not since little Harry here was born."

"3 months!"  
He nods while holding baby Harry in his arms.

"If you like I can look after him for a night or so. To give you and Mary a break?"  
He looks slightly worried.

"John it may surprise you to know that i do actually have a qualification in health and social care and 2 baby cousins who have grown up to be fine young girls."

"Yes but have you ever changed a nappy or made a bottle."

"That is where you come in, you show me and ill be fine. You have taught me lots of things and you know i catch on quickly."

"Fine but only if Sherlock agrees."  
We both look at Sherlock: he looks panicked- scared even. 

"I don't think that ill be any good."  
I walk over too him and place a hand over his arm.

"Ill teach you. I wont let him interfere with your work and if you like, ill sleep in Johns spare room."

He looks incredulous but agrees  
"Okay. When do you want us to look after him?"

"Saturday?"

"Yes that should be fine.  
Can I hold him?"

"Of course."  
He hands the baby over to be so i can cradle him in my arms.  
I begin to sway side-to-side and talk to him in a quiet child like tone.

"Hello little man! I'm your aunty Neave. "  
He begins to stir and cry.

"Shh shh, your alright.  
You see your daddy over there?  
He's been so very good to me and your uncle Sherlock so were looking after you this weekend!"  
I stroke the baby's head, trying to sooth him. 

I know he cant understand me but i continue to talk to the baby in the same tone.  
"How would you like that hmm?"  
I look up at John and he's smiling from ear to ear.

"Motherhood suites you."

I chuckle lightly  
"Thank you."  
I look at Sherlock an he seems to be looking upon me with curiosity- ill ask later.

"Have you thought about having children?" John inquires

I see Sherlocks face flash with alarm- not a surprise!

"Ive not thought about it much actually. I did when i was younger but not really now, no. That doesn't mean that i wouldn't like a baby of course-"  
I see Sherlocks eyes jump to mine  
"Possibly not now, but in time maybe."  
His faced relaxed slightly, i smiled.

"Would you like to hold him?"

He suddenly looks panicked.  
"He's not going to bite Sherlock, ill watch you."  
He steps towards me and puts his arms out in the manner he saw me do with John and i gently pass the baby.

"There brilliant. Just move one hand to support his neck and use your arm to support the rest of its body."  
He shifts slightly with my guidance.

"There perfect."  
I give him a smile  
The baby begins to cry- Sherlock panics again.

"Its alright, he just recognises you. Just do what i did, sway slightly from side to side..... Just like that."  
His cry's dissipate into whimpers and from whimpers to silence.

"See your a natural."  
He smirks slightly at the compliment.

"I never thought i would see the day.  
The day when i would see Sherlock Holme's holding and caring for a baby!  
You two would make great parents."

"Thank you John.  
Don't you need to get back to Mary?"

"No she's coming here; she should be here any time now actually."  
Just as he finishes the door opens and it's Mary.

"Speak of the devil. Hello Mary how are you?"  
I greet her with a hug and a kiss to the cheek.

"Fine thank you.  
Oh my god!"

"What?"  
She sounds alarmed

"Sherlock's holding Harry! I never thought i would see this day!  
He's asleep look. You have the magic touch."

"See I told you. Your a natural."  
Mary walks over to Sherlock.

"May i?"  
She holds her arms out to hold Harry, he passes him to her seamlessly.  
He goes to sit in his chair and Mary joins John on the settee. I just sit on the arm rest of Sherlocks seat; he wraps and arm around my side, almost as if he's trying to stop me from falling off.

"Mary is it alright if we look after Harry on saturday for you? We talked with John and since you both have done so much for us that you two deserve some rest."

"Yes of course you can but please don't feel obligated to."

"Of course not! It will be lovely to look after him for you! Have a date night! Just the two of you."

"Well if you insist. John Watson, we are going to have a date night."  
She says while playfully squeezing his thigh.

"We were thinking saturday if that's ok?"

"That is brilliant!  
Thank you both."

Sherlock speaks up  
"It would be our pleasure."

"Delightful, thank you both so much."

"Its no problem."  
Sherlock pulls me slightly as a signal to sit in his lap.  
Mary begins to start a conversation with John- something about the christening.

"I cant I'm to heavy."

"Your lighter than you give yourself credit for."

"Im really not."  
He stands and quickly places an arm under my legs and one around my waist where he just lifts me- drawing a tiny squeal from my lips- which draws the attention of both John and Mary-and sits down, placing me on his knee.

"Was that really necessary?"

"Yes."

I just shake my head and get comfortable anyway.  
"Fine."

I try to draw some attention away from the rather strange act which had just occurred. 

"So, how is married life treating you both? What is it now 10 months?  
Nearly a year! Wow! It only feels like yesterday."

John replies for both of them  
"Brilliantly actually. Yes 10 months.  
We're very happy with our little surprise here."  
He motions to Harry in Mary's arm.

"Life is wonderful at the moment!  
How are you two?"  
Mary continues.

We both look at each other; we know the answer but neither of us know what to say or how to say it- we're happy, content, still in love.  
I allow Sherlock to continue  
"Good. Brilliant in fact, everything is  
Brilliant. I love her more and more every day."

I blush and smile, pressing a kiss to his lips.  
"So there's no weddings on the horizon then?"  
I see Sherlock shoot a look at John who lightly nudges Mary who must get the jist of what is going on.

"What?"  
My tone is slightly alarmed.

Mary replies  
"Nothing, just a joke my dear."

"I know but something is going on. Sherlock looked at John and John nudged you… i know you don't believe in marriage Sherlock but just because someone mentions a wedding doesn't suddenly mean I'm going to get down on my knees and beg you to marry me."

John spoke up  
"Honestly, he didn't do anything. My arm just had a spasm. Why would I nudge her and risk waking up Harry?"

I look at him and my eyebrows furrow in suspicion but they soon relax.  
"I suppose so, sorry about that John. Im sorry Sherlock, i shouldn't have jumped to that."

I place my hand to his chest, he takes it and places a kiss to my wrist, whispering  
"Its ok my darling."  
He then pulled me into a hug.

\-------------------------------------  
Sherlock's point of view:  
\-------------------------------------

I pull her into a hug so her sight is away from us, mouthing the words  
'Thank you'  
To John while Mary all the while looks clue less until John whispers that he'll tell her later.

\-------------------------------------  
My point of view  
\-------------------------------------  
When Sherlock releases me, John is putting Henry into his pram.

"Im sorry but we have to go, i have to see my parents so they can get a glimpse of their first grandchild."

"So soon?"

"Sadly yes. We'll be round about 3pm to drop Harry of tomorrow is that alright?"

"Of course, thats perfect. " Sherlock.

"We'll see you both then."

"See you then. Until then enjoy your day-"

When Mary steps out the door he whispers  
"-lock the door next time perhaps."  
He winks at Sherlock and i go red once more.  
"Goodbye you two."

We both wave  
"Bye."

I shut the door and turn back to Sherlock.  
"Im sorry about that. Before.  
It was uncalled for and slightly rude, i really am sorry."

He places his hands on my shoulders so i am at arms length  
"Its fine, don't worry."

"Are you sure?"

"Your dwelling on it."

"I know but thats because i feel guilty. That was harsh."

"No it wasn't. You thought something was going on, it was a natural human response, it is perfectly alright. Besides, if you still feel guilty you could always make it up to me later-"  
He pulls me to him so i am flush with his own body.  
"Or now? If you wanted?"

I look at him in disbelief  
"Really? We just finished, not even an hour ago and since when has your sex drive been this high? There is usually a few day- week or month gap in between which is dependant upon 2 things  
A.) how busy you are  
B.) one or both or our sex drives .  
What has suddenly changed?"

"Your diverting the inevitable… would you be willing to go another round?  
Could you handle it?"

"Don't you play that card with me Mr. Holmes you know i would and you know i could, you put me up to be weaker than i am."

He looks at my leg  
"Your leg is still trembling ever so slightly."  
He challenges me

"That is what happens when i orgasm: my leg trembles, you know that.  
Don't you have work to do?"

"No. I don't have any cases… well any ones that are worth my time anyway."

I tease him  
"So that explains this sudden change! I should have known, your bored! Why don't you get your hand gun and shoot the wall?"

"Wrong kind or shooting.  
Anyway, this always gets a better end product, for both of us.  
So-"  
He pins my arms to the door.  
"What is your answer?"

"You see Sherlock, i would love to but my dear boy, you don't think i can handle it- wouldn't want me fainting now would we?"  
I bat my eyelashes in an innocent manner.  
He just rolls his eyes and kisses me fiercely.

-

"What time is it?" 

"About 12 why?"

"I better go change John's old bed."

"Why?"

"Because you'll need our room and i don't want to disturb you with the baby crying through the night."

"Don't be silly! I shall hear nothing of the sort!  
You, the baby and i shall all share the same bed."

"If your sure. I mean, you don't have to."

"Of course I'm sure. I mean…  
Someday there may be little baby Holmes', ill have to learn somewhere."

My face softens slightly. I walk over to him and interlace my fingers with his.  
"Have you actually thought about that?  
Having children i mean."

"Of course I have. It may surprise you to know i am not completely made of stone- you of all people should know that."

"Of course i know that!  
I just- i guess i knew i had thought about it but i never imagined you doing so. I didn't think you would even want children."

"Why would you think that?"

"You've never really shown an interest in children."

"Your eyes deceive you. I have thought about it all, names, pets- everything."

"What if we had a boy?"

"Sherlock."

"Naturally. And a girl?"

"Well, i have thought about this quite a lot.  
At first I thought about Neave, but you but i recalled that you said that you didn't like how it was pronounced and that it was horrific for people to spell and you seem to spend half of your time correcting people on pronunciation upon introduction- so i ruled that out-"

I cut in  
"Good choice."

He smiles  
"Then I thought of Chloe- connected to you.  
I thought you would want some very British names so i added some more:  
Elizabeth- after the greatest female monarch in British history.  
Rose- the Tudor rose which symbolises the two family's of British origin which went on to shape Britain forever; of course Henry viii.  
And  
Olivia- beautiful, simplistic- just like you.  
I haven't decided upon one yet, of course, I would have to ask the mother for a final opinion... So what do you think?"

Tears were streaming down my face  
"I don't care. I don't even care, just dear God tell me things like this more often!  
You've thought of having a family! You've thought about children!  
You've thought of OUR family OUR children. With me."  
I pull him down to give him a bruising hug, his arms wrap around me and returns the hug, placing his chin upon my head, i feel what must be a tear land on my head.  
"Of course with you. I couldn't imagine it with anyone else." 

"Sherlock are you crying too?"  
He doesn't say anything.

"You amaze me Sherlock you really do and i love you for it. "

He leans back on the settee and allows me to lie with him for a while.

I don't think i had ever loved him more in my life than i did at that point

-

I hear a knock on the door which wakes me from my slumber, i move from the settee in such a way that O cant wake Sherlock and it works.  
I open the door and both John and Mary are standing there with bags and of course, baby Harry.

"Hello you two, just on time, come in."  
They do so and place the bags and whatnot on the table. 

"I see Sherlock is asleep."

"Oh yes. Ill just leave him, only lord knows how hard it is to get him to sleep, or eat for that matter."

"So would you like me to show you what to do."

"Umm, yes please. Just nappies and bottles please."

He proceeds to do so while Mary makes some tea for herself and John....

"Ok that should be everything, you both can get going if you want to start your date night on an early start."

"Oh no its fine, we'll drink our tea if thats alright, we have 5 minuets. anyway, i like watching Sherlock sleep. Ive never seen him power down before, he seems so peaceful."

"Trust me the novelty wears off after a while but its still sweet.  
Has it wore off on you yet John?"

"No not yet.  
But I have noticed something about this actually:  
Anyone that has seen him sleep, if the novelty is there they tend to be at a point where they aren't as fascinated with his deductions, whereas people who don't have the novelty, are still fascinated with the deductions. Would you say that sounds right?"

"I've never noticed that actually. That sounds about right, i mean, i am still fascinated by all of his deductions, even now.  
You would think that it would be the other way around wouldn't you?"

"I know but this is pure observation, sadly, the logic that you would expect doesn't factor in to it."

"We better be off, we have dinner reservations and we need to go to town and we have to get dressed."

I say to Harry, again in a child like tone  
"Hello again little man! Come here my favourite nephew!"  
I receive him from Mary so they can leave, i have to wake Sherlock up before the baby does

"Sherlock sweetie, Harry's here. Mary and John were just leaving."  
He stirs slightly and wakes mumbling a goodbye to John and Mary.

"Goodbye Sherlock."

"Good luck mate."

He just gives a half hearted wave, not even turning his head.

"Come on lazy bones! I'm already looking after a baby, i don't want to have to look after a fully grown man who's in a strop because i woke him up."

He fully awakens now, just enough to not look tired now but not enough to get up from the settee.  
I place the baby in the mini cot John had brought over so he could sleep in it.  
I go and make Sherlock some tea and set it down on the closest coffee table to him.  
"There, I've made you some tea, will you get up now?"

"I don't know. Kiss me and i might have an answer."

"No! Now get up! You have work to do. The client will be here soon."

The door bell goes.

"This must be him now actually. Now wake up."

I greet the client- Mr. Park- who is dressed in a smart suite and some 'expensive' jewellery.

"Please sit down Mr. park. Sherlock will be with you in 2 moments."

Sherlock enters the room and greets the client and i quickly pop out to check on the baby, i just listen in through Mr. Parks case, standing so i can see the baby the entire time.

'Money had been embezzled through his company's accounts which has led to the murder of one of his C.E.O's ( the pathologist report says that it was a heart attack.) and the kidnapping of his wife.'

"What do you really want Mr. park?"

He laughs slightly as if i was joking  
"I've just told you.  
Look Mrs Holmes i am a very wealthy man, i can pay you both for your services, i have a large business in Japan, i can help you."

I roll my eyes.  
"Please do not lie Mr. Park, you are not wealthy and your story is fabricated from unclear truths.  
Your pants, they have been taken up once- no twice, if you were wealthy it would be custom made, no alterations would be needed.

Connections in Japan, you said you've just flew from there yes?  
Lie. The Japanese upon greeting shake hands and bow when they bow they check the persons shoes, you have multiple scuffs on your shoes, no Japanese man would take you seriously, because you evidently don't know the customs of the country you claim to be so close with you more than likely haven't been there or if you have, not for business. 

Your watch and cufflinks: fake, covered up by a deliberate spelling mistake of 1 letter, used by factory's so that they look as real as possible because when we read things such as fashion labels, we scan, we don't read so when we read the mistake we don't register it.  
That is not even half of what I know, if i can deduce that from a quick introduction and brief glances while checking on a baby, i can only imagine what Sherlock has.  
Your case… actually ill let you take over from this, you will have more, ill check the baby, i think he's awake."

Sherlock continues while I check on and carry the crying baby, keeping him away from the consultation as not to disturb Sherlock too much bit i hear his deductions as i try to calm the distressed child.

"You have came to me as a back up to your plea that you are not guilty of embezzling funds of your own company by not paying tax in your on going court case.  
Your C.E.O did have a heart attack and die, he was a 63 year old obese man, it wasn't a huge shock, lets face it… or was it? Did you murder him?…  
The answers yes, the word murder, your heart rate jumped and your hands gone clammy, your rubbing them together- classic signs of guilt.  
My guess- pills.  
Your using his murder as a connection to your wife's kidnapping so you can get away with that too. You killed her too, she was having an affair with the C.E.O, you got rid of her body and filed a missing persons report so you couldn't get the blame because she was scheduled to be out of the country anyway. How do i know this?  
You keep playing with your wedding ring, there is no tan line, suggesting one of two things  
A.) your a serial adulterer  
B.) you know that your wife is dead.  
A normal person wears their wedding band constantly, you have removed it but only recently, normal partners keep their wedding bands on even after their death, you taking it of shows that you know she is gone even though she has not been found, yet and if you loved her you would have kept it on, you haven't  
Betrayal , hatred, possibly both!  
There would be no need to kill them both if they weren't linked. Affair  
The rest? Research beforehand. I do it on all of my clients don't be worried- just to make sure that they're not wasting my time. You however have and have tried to insult my intelligence which i assure you, i do not take lightly!  
I shall be calling Scotland yard immediately and you will be arrested within the half hour.  
That is enough to be getting on with don't you think?"

The man is utterly speechless, stuttering absolutely, unable to get a word out. He is now sweating like his life depended upon it.

I place the baby back in the cot, now settled.  
I grab my phone contacting Lestrade who said he will be here in 15 minuets.

"15 minuets."

Sherlock walks to the man who looks like he will run for it and handcuffs him to the chair before he can.

"You watch him, ill go look after Harry."

"You don't have to. Ill do it if you like."

"I have to learn somewhere." 

He goes to walk past me when i lightly grab his arm to get his attention.

"Do you- do you always carry handcuffs?"  
My voice sounds hopeful

"Down girl."  
He winks and goes to whisper in my ear  
"ALWAYS."  
Before he lightly tugs on my earlobe with his teeth and walks away looking like the cat who got the canary.

Lestrade arrives on time to arrest the suspect, he walks in the door pointing to the man  
"Yes, this is him. Sherlock will give you all of the evidence you need."

He talks to the two police officers in uniform behind him  
"Boys, if you would."

"2 seconds ill ask Sherlock where the keys are.  
Sherlock?"  
I call into the other room- he walks in with the baby in his arms. He's laughing, Sherlock was making him laugh.

"Where are the keys for the handcuffs?"

"Here."  
He puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out the key and hands it to one of the officers.  
Lestrade looks bewildered  
"have I been sleeping for a year or am i missing something?  
You have a baby. Sherlock is holding a baby!"

"Why is everyone so suprised to see me holding a baby?!"  
Sherlock says, a little suprised that this statement appeared to be a common denominator when people saw him.  
I just laugh.

"This is baby Harry Watson- John and Mary's little boy- were babysitting."

"So this is the boy who I've heard so much about? John hasn't introduced us yet, i haven't seen him in a while actually. You'll have to tell them that i said congratulations but seriously, Sherlock. Baby. Quiet. Not complaining."

"I will. Sherlock is full of surprises, he's really good actually, if you must know.  
Anyway, i hear that congratulations is in order for you too, i hear you and Molly are engaged!"

"Yes, thank you, we are. The EX finally filled the divorce papers.  
Speaking of that, Sherlock i need to ask you something."

He looks up intrigued  
"Go on…"

"I wanted to ask you if you would be my groomsman?"

He freezes, momentarily shocked  
"Say that again, sorry."

"Oh you bastard! You may be an arse but i still consider you my friend, will you be a groomsman?"

"Uh... Yes."  
He still look's shocked.

I ask  
"Who's the best man?"

"My son Alex, he's 15. I thought it would be nice, we see each other quite often- as expected, he is my son after all- i thought he would enjoy it."

"Thats lovely! Very sweet. Any other groomsman?"

"I just need to ask John."

"I would wait until after tomorrow, we've let them have a date night, god knows what they're doing."  
By this time the uniformed officers had taken away the man and given Sherlock his handcuffs back- to my delight. 

"Your right. Anyway, i better be off- get back to the station- book him. Ill see you both later."

"See you later Lestrade. Enjoy."

Sherlock was still stood in shock with the baby making little cooing noises. I notice something.

"Sherlock, look, he's holding your finger."  
He snaps out of his state and looks down and what i see melts my heart- he just smirks and kisses the baby on the forehead.

"You'll make a fantastic father one day Sherlock."  
He doesn't reply, he just continues to  
hold the baby.  
He soon begins to cry.

"I think someone is hungry. Ill go make him a bottle."  
I walk into the kitchen and do so checking the temperature by putting a few drops of the milk on my inner arm before going back to the front room.  
I place the bottle onto the table and get the baby from Sherlock before i sit on the sofa so i can feed him, he laches onto the bottle and drinks the whole bottle in about 40 minuets before i put his head over my shoulder so i can rub his back. He seems much less disgruntled after that.

I start up again with the child like tone which many women naturally slip into when talking to children- especially baby's.

"Are you feeling better now Harry hmm?."  
He smiles slightly and makes a small noise in his throat.

I look up to see Sherlock staring intently at the me.

I smile and lightly laugh  
"What? Have i done something."

"You astonish me sometimes. Ive never seen this side of you before, its wonderful, the maternal instinct, it makes you glow."

I blush before speaking  
"You should see yourself Sherlock. You came into the room before, the baby giggling, you looked content, happy."  
I turned the baby around so he could see Sherlock and began with the voice once more.  
"You see that man there, the funny man, with the cheekbones, that is your uncle Sherlock, he was making you laugh before wasn't he?  
Such a silly man isn't he?"  
I move the baby's arms so he is waving at him.

"He and I love you very much, your mummy and daddy have been very kind to us this past year and we love them for it."  
I kiss the babes forehead and he gurgles slightly.  
"You are a very happy baby aren't you?  
Already so much like your mummy and daddy."

-  
8:30

"Ill go and bath him. Mary packed some special soap for him."

...  
"There we go all nice and clean. Lets put you to bed."

"Can I let him fall asleep… on me?"  
Sherlock asks quite sheepishly

"Of course you can sweetheart. Here you go…"  
I carefully hand him the baby  
"Ill go have a shower, ill come and see you too when I'm out. Enjoy."  
I press a quick kiss to his lips before i place a hand in his hair and lightly stroke his head.

He kisses my wrist before i whisper  
"You'll make a great father."  
He doesn't hear me- he's not meant to, didn't tell him for fear it would freak him out.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing. Enjoy."

...  
I walk back into the room to see both the baby and Sherlock asleep.  
I take a picture and send it to John and Mary with the caption  
'I think he likes him ;)'

I allow them both to sleep until about 11 where i wake Sherlock.  
"Come on baby time to go to bed."

He wakes and places baby Harry into his cot in our bedroom before getting changed and getting in bed, falling to sleep almost instantly after wrapping me in his arms- as per usual.  
-  
I hear baby Harry start to scream in the middle of the night so i quickly get up and leave the room with him in my arms as not to disturb Sherlock.  
I change his nappy and feed him both before allowing him to fall asleep while i cradle him before i return to the bedroom to put him back in his cot.

-  
6 am 

I hear the same screams a few hours later but i hear Sherlock get out of be so i go back to sleep.  
-  
7:30  
I get out of bed and Sherlock is not there but neither is Harry. I panic.  
I rum into the front living room to be calmed by the sight that Sherlock has him lying next to him and he's changing his nappy.  
I breath a sigh of relief.

"Thank God! I had a heart attack!"

"Strictly no you didn't, you panicked.  
In order for you to have a heart attack a blood clot has to get stuck between a thrombosis so the blood can no longer flow and your cells die."

I raise an eyebrow  
"You know what i mean.  
How long have you been up?"

"Since 6."

"With the baby?!  
You should have woke me."

"I slept most of yesterday ill be fine."

"I still feel bad."

"Why? You haven't done anything."

"Still, im sorry.  
Would you like some tea?"

"Yes."  
I fetch him his tea in a cup and saucer and place it on the table closest.

"Your wearing a new nightie."

"Hmm.. oh yes. Is it too short, i was hesitant about the length, is it too short its about half way up my thighs- shorter than normal."

"No, its fine. I just haven't seen you wear something that short before- it makes your legs look longer.  
Why were you hesitant?"

"You know what I'm like, my thighs and short things don't bode well."

"It looks nice, you don't think it does because you don't like your legs unless they're in heels... Or when they're wrapped around me."

"Ive never even told you that. How-- never mind i think i can guess. How come you always jump to something about our sex lives when talking about my body." 

"Am i wrong?"

"No but its a general observation."

"And it doesn't take a man such as myself to see that during sex is the only time you don't try and cover yourself."

"That is not true!… ok maybe it is but to be honest if you hadn't have seen me naked a million times then i would be covering myself."  
He puts the baby in its cot again before returning.

He lifts me off the floor into his arms  
"What are you ahh!"

He sits in his chair with me on his legs. My legs hung over the arm of the chair.  
I knew what he was going to do so i tried a futile diversion  
"You tea is going to get cold."

"Let it."

"I think ill check on the baby.."

"He's fine, I've just put him down."

"Why do you try to cover yourself?  
Even in front of me you do so And don't say modesty, i know when your lying."

I look down in fear. In shame. Of what i have always tried to hide- from everyone- my insecurities.  
He knew i had had depression when i was younger but i never gave him the details of my mental state now- he never asked, its not exactly something you bring up in conversation.

"Ive always done it. I don't wear tight things or skimpy things because i fear that people will watch me, ill get attention for it, thats why when i wear a dress and heels out, i look down, i don't want to see people looking. I don't wear things like that in front of you because i have a fear of being left, that if you don't like something, you will leave or if something fits me incorrectly or even shows the little swell of stomach i cant wear it for fear of being fat, for fear of being left for someone prettier and thinner. Like Irene."  
I begin to cry slightly

"Love from a partner is all that I've ever had. Love only ever seems to mean something to me when its from someone who isn't genetically obligated to do so. I don't see my family and you deduced that a long time ago when you met them and how i acted around them- so differently from how i act around you.  
By dressing respectfully, not allowing others' to see me- that is how i guarantee people wont judge me. Ive changed my looks for it- even you know that; you deduced it all the first time we met:  
Braces, Hair dye, I've even thought of making more changes.  
To try and make myself look normal, beautiful in order to keep the one i love from leaving." 

I placed my head onto my knees to try and hide my face.  
He pulls me to him and crushes our bodies together in the strongest hug known to man. It was comforting. He placed his forehead upon my own

"Open your eyes, please."  
I do so and look into his oceanic gaze, all i see is concern.  
"Please don't hate me."

He shakes his head  
"I could never hate you! Nor would I hate you after telling me something such as that.  
I love you."

"I love you too.  
You have beautiful eyes. "  
He laughs.

"Its my job to make the compliments.  
I would like to try something, is that ok."

I nod.  
He kisses me, softly. Sweetly.  
He kisses both of my temples in turn before looking into my eyes.  
"Eyes brighter than the stars themselves."  
He kisses both of my eyelids. He then looks at my lips and places his thumb to my bottom lip

"There is which craft in these lips. The rosy hue they turn after we kiss, just begs me, teases and invites me in for more. I am more than happy to accept their call, every day-"  
He punctuates every word with a sensual kiss afterwards.  
"- every night. With you. You alone. "

He strokes a finger down my neck which makes me smirk.  
"Your neck. Well, this has probably got to be your most sensitive area… well your second most sensitive. I feel your heart race as I do this but that is nought to what my heart does when i see you smile."  
He kisses my neck.

"Your chest. Now what can i say about your chest apart from it is where your love lies. In your heart.  
With 2 gorgeous breasts which balance out your gorgeous waist perfectly-"  
He kisses the slight dip in my chest in the middle of my breasts.  
"Now, now, those sinful hips and waist. I have never seen a woman with more perfect of a figure than yourself. Those hips drive me to madness, the way you move- there is an unconscious eroticism to your movements whether you register it or not.  
When they do more, that is when i am in heaven and hell both."

He moves me so i am straddling him, i am kneeling on the seat when he bends down to kiss my stomach.

"Your legs, a mile long of pale, smooth skin to worship, claw and grip onto as you drive me to insanity."  
He runs his hands up and down my thighs trying to reassure me.

"Relax. Please."  
I do so and sit in his lap.  
I look into his eyes once more and just barely whisper  
"Kiss me."

He pushes some hair behind my ear and kisses me- properly. Not just a quick meeting of lips but an intimate joining of 2 people. We kiss for 10 of the most perfect minuets of my life before he lifts me once more and lays me down on the larger settee- laying with me. My body still seems unsure because my arms are shaking and my hands tightly gripping onto his shirt.  
I so desperately want to say- ask something of him but i cant for fear of it being too pathetic of a statement to even utter.  
'Please don't leave me.'  
He looks into my eyes and sees the words in my eyes.  
"I wont, I promise."

I feel a tear roll down my cheek again  
"Thank you. Thank you so much. I love you, I really do."

He smiles  
"And i love you."  
He kisses my nose and pulls me bak into the tight hug where my heart rate slows until i completely stop crying and we just lye there breathing for a while.

His face suddenly contorts into one where he has an idea.  
"Why don't we play a game?"

"The deduction game?"

"The very same"

"Ill show you crime scenes and you have to tell me a much a possible, if you get it right, i have to use the handcuffs but if I win, i'm allowed to ask you to do anything i desire. Ok?"

He points to a crime scene on the wall, I've been studying this one lately.

"The body is relatively new, recently deceased. I would think the bones have been dipped in some kind of acid to clean them, they are far too clean to have been left to naturally corrode. He has obviously been placed there by someone else, the clothes are too fresh.  
Wait there... The book.  
Jack The Ripper… someones trying to catch your eye Sherlock, no one knows who Jack The Ripper actually was, he could have been the prince for all we know- then again he was a suspect. This is clearly the work of a fan, not a psychotic one. This wasn't murder, this was someone trying at a futile attempt to intrigue you. The bones were most likely taken from a morgue after they were cleaned, he probably died of other causes and the bones were took… they could have been donated to science, we could be dealing with a science student here.  
Am i close?"

He looks astonished  
"Yes! Just about spot on!  
It was Anderson trying to catch my interest. The body was donated to St Bart's morgue."  
He pulls me closer to him by my hips  
"Like that did we?" I tease

"You have no idea." He kisses my neck.

"No you don't, if i win we can do that later. Its your turn.  
That one there."  
I point to another picture on the wall.

"Simple open and shut case  
His shirt is creased, he wasn't planning to wear it, this was a last minuet decision meaning he was going somewhere important or meeting someone important- most likely a woman- this would fit because all of the other cases linked to this one have been men in their late 30's all dressed to impress someone- a woman. They wanted to clearly impress this woman, they were all wearing aftershave and expensive clothes. This woman clearly hates men going by the sheer brutality of these kills, they have been castrated and the testicles all hidden within the crime scene- this torture was sustained postmortem so this woman had to trick the men into getting tied into a chair making them think it was for sex. She's pretty and judging by the variation or lack thereof age range shes's in her 30's and she wears red lipstick- he had it all over his mouth. She wears a wig- real hair but its still a wig, the tags have fallen out of what hair was there but the way the hair was damaged at the root says wig. Now why does he wear a wig?  
Hair loss  
Stress  
Cancer  
Depression- there was writing on the wall 'bastard' she didn't know this man so she most likely to be angry at an ex husband or lover, she hates men all together. Were looking for a woman in her 30's wearing a wig with recent complaints about sexist remarks or violent actions towards men, more than likely in a female dominated industry or job- she wouldn't be able to handle it in a male dominated industry.  
So… who wins."

My eyebrows are raised in surprise  
"That was fantastic…"

He replies while tracing the leg over his waist with his fingers.  
"I'll say that was me then?  
Because I would say that was a draw."

"Your only saying that because deep down you want to use the handcuffs for something other than arresting criminals."

"Don't challenge me. Your the one who has to do something i ask."

"And what would that task be?"

"You'll find out later. Best to do so, but its a surprise."

"Should i be worried Mr. Holmes?"

He strokes his hand down my face, cupping my cheek  
"No, not at all."  
He places a kiss to my nose.

-  
The baby wakes about an hour later and i feed and change his nappy. Letting him play with his toys along with a couple of cushions.  
Every now and then he would chuck/ move one of the sponge squares at me.

"Hey! You little tinker!  
Play nice."  
He just seemed to make a noise.

"Why don't you sing nursery rhymes? To him?"  
Sherlock suggests.

"They're weird. There are no good ones."

"Ring-a-rosies?"

"About the plague."

"London bridge?"

"About London being burnt down."

"Ba ba black sheep?"

"Recently been declared racist."

"Thats reassuring. The rhymes of our childhood are made ugly."

"Just sing one anyway, he'll not know, he will just register your tone of voice and facial expressions."

"Fine but ill only sing it because it was my favourite as a child even though it is about death."  
I begin to sing  
"Ring- a ring- a Rosie's a pocket full of posies a tiss-ue a tiss-ue we all fall down."

"How is that about death?"

"Its about the plague  
Ring- a ring- a Rosie's- boils  
a pocket full of posies- a pocket full of tissues  
a tiss-ue a tiss-ue we all fall down- cough cough they die.  
Nursery rhymes- such glorious fun." 

"I want expecting that."

"No body does, we all think its sweet and innocent until we're told.  
What time is it?"

He looks at his phone.  
"2:43 why?"

"I better make this little man look spectacular for his mummy and daddy."

"Ill do it."

"Are you sure?"

"If course."

I pick Harry up from his place lying on the floor with his toys and hand him to Sherlock.  
"Here you go little man, enjoy your uncle Sherlock."

He changes his nappy once more and makes sure that he isn't hungry by offering him a bottle which he refuses. 

I hear the knock on the door and open it to find- unsurprisingly- both Mary and John.

"Hello again come in.  
I would ask what you did with your date night but i don't think i have to."  
They take their seat on the sofa and i call Sherlock

"Sherlock. John and Mary are here."

He comes in holding baby Harry giggling slightly.  
Mary gets up to receive the baby  
"Hello, my little prince. Are you laughing? Is uncle Sherlock making you laugh!"  
She turns to us both  
"How has he been?"

Sherlock answers  
"Brilliant. Very interesting."

"He was fantastic. A very well behaved young one. He barely made any fuss.  
Sherlock even managed to get him to laugh."

"Is that right! I must get him to show me how he does it."

"Good luck. I haven't even fathomed it out yet."

I see Sherlock quickly scan John and Mary before i hear one word pass his lips- bloody deductions.  
"Intercourse."

"What."  
John says slightly alarmed.

"You two had intercourse… multiple times, you didn't even make it to--"  
I hit his arm before e could carry on.

Mary goes white and John looks shocked.  
"Bloody hell, i should have guessed you would do that."

I try to soften the awkward silence  
"Tea anyone?"

"Were fine thanks, i have to take Harry to my sisters to say hello."

"Ive packed all of his things so he's good to go."

"We'll have to go now actually to avoid traffic."

I get all of Harry's things from our room and hand them to John.  
"We'll see you both later then?"

"Yes, ill pop by tomorrow if you like."

"Knock please, we may be busy."  
I look puzzled, what the hell does he have in mind.

"Ill see you then, you two drive safely."  
I kiss John and Mary on the cheek before kissing the baby on the forehead.  
"Goodbye little one."  
Sherlock does the same, before whispering something in Mary's ear before she nods and follows John.  
-

7pm  
"Its time to give you your surprise."

"I had forgotten about that actually, what is it?"  
I hadn't forgotten- i couldn't stop thinking about it.

He walks to our bedroom and from what i hear he's rummaging for something.  
He comes back out and takes my hand.  
"Do you trust me?"

"Of course, why?"

"Just do this, for me please."  
He presses a kiss to my lips.  
I nodded unsure to what i was agreeing to.


	4. What he was working with Irene for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I said the smutt would be every other chapter… some things change. If anyone has PROMPTS please dont be affraid to ask.

I walk into the room and he shuts the door behind me. I see what he meant.   
On the wardrobe there hung a beautiful purple bandage dress- the straps were on my arms not the shoulders- this was the most beautiful dress i had ever seen in my life- not wedding dress beautiful, just beautiful. Underneath were a pair of 4 inch, matching purple heels. 

I whisper under my breath  
"My god! They're gorgeous."  
I dreaded to think how much these would have cost… something catches my eye.

There is a flat box laying on the bed with a ribbon on it and a card attached. I open the card

'I have had this planned for a while, i never thought that there was a right time to do this and i knew you wouldn't want to wear it due to reasons you did not disclose until yesterday-your fear, it all made sense. I want to help you overcome this fear with as much time, effort and love it shall take- no matter if it shall take moths or years; my love will always be with you no matter how you look. I promise to not leave.  
I love you with all of my heart, please do this. for me.- S xx'

He's trying to get me to face my fears- allowing myself to be seen in something I would only dream of wearing.  
I begin to cry, of nothing but pure happiness.  
I run into the front room where i see him stand  
He watches me for a few seconds before i jump on him, wrapping my arms and legs around him.  
I whisper in his ear  
"Thank you SO much.  
Your trying to help me, and that is more than anyone can ask from you, even for me.   
You don't have to do this."

He pulls back and looks into my eyes- his forehead on mine   
"I know what its like to need help and not get it. To have no one to look after you and pray on that fact that you need help. Before i met you, that was my life and this has already happened to you once before and i am determined for you never to feel like that or the way i did ever again."

"I love you, i really do. Your more than I deserve."

"I think you are more than i deserve. To put up with me on a daily basis is hard enough without factoring love into it.  
You have saved me so many times in so many different ways- you have always been there, you've never given up, through the:  
Irritableness  
Not sleeping for days  
Stubbornness  
The not eating for days  
Isolation  
Depression  
Drugs  
My actions during boredom   
and even my Blatant ignorance towards others; you have always been there to help me, to provide support, love and advice when i needed it most. I intend to help you through whatever i can in any way that i can- this is what I promise you. This is me trying to help."

I just hold him close for a moment before whispering  
"Thank you. Your the only one who has ever offered help- your the only one who knows.   
I accept your help and anything that comes with it. I trust you."

"Thank you. All I need you to do is wear those clothes and let me see. Do your hair. Do your make up and wear everything that i have given you, we shall take it from there. You have 2 hours."  
He lowers me to the floor from his waist before kissing me once more, i nod and make my way back to the room.

I finally open the little pink box to find a deep purple matching set of lingerie, made of lace and silk both. 

I take a shower, ridding myself of the oppressive feeling of tears upon my face and the feeling of dirt upon my body for the more refreshing smell of peppercorn and sandalwood.   
I allow the water to cascade upon myself before i turned the hot water up and allowed the feeling to roll over my neck and back. 

I get out to dry my hair and my body making sure they are ready for the second steps of preparation  
Styling  
Moisturising etc. 

I finish everything from the shower with just my make up and clothes to apply.   
I make up my face as much as possible without making myself look like I've applied my make up with a shovel and forgotten about my neck.

I place my mascara and eyeliner on so that they are perfectly in balance with one another and so it doesn't look over the top- just right.   
The lipstick must be left until last so i don't get it on my clothes and to prevent it bleeding.

I stare at the dress for a while, letting my thoughts invade for a while  
'Will that even fit?'  
'What if you look horrendous?'  
'Your legs! What are you going to do about your legs?!"

My mind screamed the last one at me, all i could do was apply make up to it but i chose not to. Lets see how it looks, if it looks horrendous or if you can barely tell- i should probably mention, these aren't scars I'm trying to cover but stretch marks. On my calfs- left by the process called puberty. They looked like i had cellulite (attractive analogy i know.)- they looked worse in different states- generally when i got out of the shower. Most people didn't see them but i did, every time i looked at my legs, they were there. 

*stop it! Just leave it! He doesn't care! He's already seen them! He loves you, remember?!*   
Finally i had something reassuring to say to myself. 

I untie the dressing gown i was wearing while doing my make up in favour of wearing everything Sherlock gave me. 

*The lingerie first… it fits! How the hell does he know my…oh my god! Can he really tell just by looking?*

I then try the dress on. I feel it getting tighter- much tighter- around my thighs. Then my stomach and then, finally, my breasts.   
It looks… it looks… wow, it looks perfect, my waist looks smaller and my arse looks in pre-portion, instead of too big.   
I zip myself up with a little bit of difficulty but i get it all the way up.   
I then put on the shoes and that alone makes everything look better, my legs look thinner, i look taller.

I pick up my lipstick from the dressing table only to put it down again in favour of opting for gloss instead- more natural.

I take a deep breath before going to walk into the front room before i notice a trail, of rose petals lining the hall way with candles lining each side of the hall; i follow the trail into the front room where the light is only illuminated from lots of candels strung around the room- the lights are off. He had cleaned up- all of the papers gone. Clutter- gone. 

The rose petals lay all over the floor and in the background- well, there was my favourite song playing- one of the few he could actually stand.  
'Shinedown- I'll Follow You Down'

I see Sherlock standing, lighting a final candle.  
"Sherlock"  
He quickly spins around and his eyes, they light up.   
My arm is slightly trying to cover my stomach, he takes my hand and holds my hands above my head so he can fully see me.  
"Do you like it?"

He looks at me slightly worried   
"Of course i do- i don't think I've seen you look more beautiful in my life.  
You look fantastic! And do you know why?"

I shake my head  
"Because you are allowing me to see you, all of you- you are not trying to hide yourself and that my darling is my greatest pleasure. You seem as if you like what you see when you look at yourself, you are letting me use the most intimate part of you- your insecurities- to help you see what i see, the woman i love, the body i love with, in time, the confidence to wear whatever she should desire to do so. I cant tell you the love for what i see. It is unfathomable- sempiternal even. You have done something, you didn't allow before- for me too see you in a form fitting dress. Now you have and you like the way you feel, i can see it in your eyes.   
How do you like everything?"

"I love everything, they're beautiful. Thank you.…   
what is all of this?"

"This is the most amazing night of my life."

"Why?"

"You and you alone. You'll find out everything soon enough."  
He kisses my forehead and holds me to him, i can smell his cologne- he's changed too- a more expensive, classy, 'going out' suite- and (wonder of wonders!) a tie!

"What exactly is your aim?"

"You will see. But for now… i do believe that this is your favourite song. Would you like to dance?"

I take his hand  
"Of course but you and I both know that I cannot dance…"

"I will teach you."  
He teaches me the dance steps to the Waltz, he teaches me with great patience but in the end i do get it. When i do, we dance for the entirety of the song with the dance slowly stopping into much of a swaying motion with my head on his chest with my eyes closed, letting the music invade my ears. 

Reciting the words of Shakespeare's 18 sonnet in my ear  
"How do i compare thee to a summers day?  
Thou art more lovely nor more temperate.  
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of may and summers lease hath all too short a date…"  
He recited my favourite poems in my ear while i held his hands in my own. The hours slowly passed by like this, whispering sweet nothings in one another's ear while swaying to soft music.

I feel his hands whisper over the dress, scanning every inch, trying to memorise it.

He looks at me with tender care in his eyes, he places his hand upon my cheek, stroking it with his thumb.  
"I have something to ask you. I feel it is only right to ask you now."

"What is it?"

"Come with me."  
He laces his fingers with mine and leads me to John's old room. That room too had been stripped of all lighting bar the candles. The rose petals were there too, scattered all over the floor and the whole bed was covered too.  
"This is the purpose of tonight."

"I don't quite understand."

He smiles lightly, pulling me to him  
"You are everything to me. 5 years of my life have been all made worthwhile because you were there everyday with me. You are the first face I see on a morning and the last face i see at night, i want to spend a million more days like that, with you. With you in my arms and even more. To be able to call you mine and for it to be more than just a relationship. For my life to contain you for as long as i live, you will always be the only woman, /the/ woman. Mine.   
Gorgeous, smart and loved, so very much. I wouldn't have you any other way. You are what i want for the rest of my life. You are what i need. You are my everything and i know i am a complete, insufferable arse who is mostly sociopathic and insensitive but I have one question..."

I began to cry because i had already realised what he was going to do.  
He gets down on one knee, reaching into his pocket to pull out a box- a black velvet ring box to be exact- and started the question  
"Neave Elizabeth Camden, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"  
He opens the box to present the ring- a silver band with stones lining the ring- gorgeous in every way.  
I began to shake, my breath unsteady.  
I kneel with him so i can look him in the eyes. I nod and with a shaky voice   
Say:  
"Of course i will!"

I see his eyes close as a tear makes its way down his face and he lets out a big exhale, allowing himself to relax.  
I run my fingers through his hair, my forehead against his.   
"Ive never seen you this relieved before."

"Ive never been so scared before"  
He takes my left hand, placing a kiss to the palm and the wrist before he goes to place the ring on my finger.  
I stop him just before he does- i notice something- he looks alarmed but i whisper  
"I just want to see the engraving."  
He smiles and shows me  
'I'll make the exception for you, forever and always.'  
Its the very last line of the poem that got us together with the line that meant everything to me.

He places the ring on my finger and admires the sight for a few moments before lacing my hand with his own.   
"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Saving me.  
Putting up with me for this long.  
Saying yes."

"I would never have said no."

He pulls us both up to stand, he moves a wayward strand of hair away from my face before leaning in for a kiss- soft, sweet, gentle.   
As the kiss progresses he begins to get more forceful, with more passion- more feeling.

His hands slip down from the middle of my back to my arse, squeezing it- pulling me closer, i moan, slipping my hands in his hair, pulling slightly which pulls a full body shudder from him.  
I allow him to slip his tongue past my lips- pulling a whimper from my lips.

"Sherlock… please…"

He pulls away slightly breathless  
"What do you want?"

"You. All of you. I want you to make love to me Sherlock."

He nods before lifting me to wrap my legs around him once more.  
I feel his erection through his dress pants nudging against my thigh.

He walks over to the bed and lays me upon it- the petals' consistency evident against my skin- i move my self up the bed slightly before Sherlock crawls on the bed above me and begins to kiss down my neck, sucking and licking at my most sensitive spots- i feel myself get more and more aroused at his ministrations- not because of lust but because of everything he has done so far, the mood he has set- the sensuality of it doing wonders for my arousal, it would usually take much more to make me this much of a limp, moaning mess.  
"Your much more vocal than usual, good girl."

"Sherlock please i need you now, over and over, just please..."

"All in good time my darling."

I never begged- he knew i was desperate.   
I arch my back and he reaches behind me to pull down the zipper of my dress. When he does- the dress is skin tight so he has to slowly, pull down the dress, revealing everything he wanted to get to.   
His eyes watch his hands as he pulls the dress completely from my legs, just leaving me in the purple lace lingerie he left me- he groans and begins to kiss down my body while his hands squeeze and grope my thighs, i allow the possessive action to become my focus point as his hands draw torturously close to where i need him most. 

He begins to play with my breasts through their lace cups- more for his pleasure than my own before unhooking it and dropping it to the floor.   
He grabs one of my heels while I'm still wearing them and moves it so my leg is draped over his shoulder   
"These are the only things you are allowed to keep, apart from that, you will be completely naked- at my mercy."

I moan as his fingers ghost the band of my underwear before pulling them down over my legs. He again drops the article to the floor before stripping himself completely, slowly and torturously- holding my gaze completely until he was done.

He cages me with his body once more and kisses me with the sensuality shown before which only served to enflame my passion more.   
He breaks the kiss as breathless as i am before reaching down to slowly push himself inside of me. My back arched and my eyes rolled into the back of my head as he did so- inch by inch- the feeling- it was delicious. 

He began to rock his hips, slowly. Pulling out just to slowly push back in. This wasn't rough sex, it wasn't mindless fucking or sloppy; it was making love in every sense of the word- the joining of two streams to form one.

He continues his pace, releasing a constant ebb of pleasure throughout my body- leaving me in a comatose state of moans and whimpers.  
He leans down to kiss me again, every time his hips meet my own, after every thrust and were both so lost in the bliss filling our hazed mind's it is more tongue than anything else.

I run my right hand through his hair and tug slightly which was the right thing to do because he picks up slightly at the sudden outburst of pain-pleasure in his veins. 

"Oh god! Mmm yes, just like that."

I clamp down my inner walls on his throbbing cock which caused a strangled groan from his lips which goes straight between my thighs.

"Do that again... Please. Oh god."

I do so and his head collapses into my shoulder while his pace quickens again   
"Thats it baby. Mmm soo good!!"

His moans become louder from there- his gorgeous baritone making the noises 10 x more sinful- deliciously so. 

His thrusts continue to give pleasure throughout my entire body- it is all consuming and completely different to any kind of pleasure i had received from sex with Sherlock.   
It was more intimate- more personal- it now wasn't just an action, it was an all consuming act of passion and love.  
"Thats it aah, fuck, oh god yes!   
I'm so close. Uhh yes, Sherlock."

He nods and groans my name, signalling that he is as close as i am.  
His right hand creeps up to my left hand pinning it above my head before he laces his fingers with my own- taking one look at the ring that adorns my finger before chasing the release we need.

"Yes! Thats it. Sherlock, oh God. I love you."

"So good, so close come with me. Thats it my love, give in."

He circles his hips once-twice- three  
My back arches immediately and my eyes clamp shut  
"Thats oh God, yes!"  
His lips crash against mine to swallow the rest of my moans.   
My walls clamping around him triggers his release with a groan, we continue to move to ride out our orgasms for all they are worth.

We lay there completely breathless- no words needed. Just sated and happy.   
He put his face close to mine before placing a soft kiss to my lips and pulling out before pulling me to lie on top of him with my head on his chest. 

"Sherlock?"

"Yes?"  
I go to say something but swallow it for fear of what he may think but this doesn't go unnoticed by him and he tilts my head up to look at him.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why me? Why now?   
Why at all? I know you don't believe in marriage or vows so why do this... Why ask me to marry you?"

He sighs slightly and rolls me over so i am facing him before pulling the blankets and the quilt over us to shield us in some warmth.  
He moves a strand of hair from my face before continuing  
"In all honesty, no i do not believe in vows or marriage but you do- I respect that as do i respect your belief in God- even if he is something fabricated for people to place blame upon- and when 'the situation' came around, i saw what that had made you do- what i had made you do and then i saw that you saw no stability, that i could and may very well- in your eyes- get bored and leave at any given time which unsurprisingly is what most people think i would do.   
The real reason i have done this- i suppose is because i love you and i know this would bring us some sense of stability if not compleat stability and i may not believe in it but i do want it. For you to be mine without any reservations for as long as you shall choose to put up with me, that is what i want."

I lace my hand with this and whisper  
"Ill disregard the God comment- thank you i cannot say any more than that- the fact that you would even consider this means so much. The act is something else."  
I press a kiss to his lips which he returns. 

"Come on we have to get redressed."

"What?!"

"Yes. There was a purpose of the 2 hour time limit."

"Why?"

"Were going to dinner."

"Aren't you just lucky that i didn't put lipstick on, i would have to do my make-up again.  
Waite a minuet... My hair? "

"What about it?"

"Ill have to do it again. How come you didn't want to tell me?"

"It was a surprise and this wasn't my fault, your the one who practically begged me to make love to you."

"And you didn't exactly put up much of a protest. What am i meant to wear?"

"The dress."  
He says it as if it were self evident

"I cant wear that! It was hard enough to let you see me in it."

He kisses my forehead  
"Trust me. Im trying to help you."

I look him in the eyes  
"Can i wear a jacket? Just so i don't feel…"

He pulled me to him in a reassuring embrace  
"Yes. I will ask you to take it of at one point and it will be your decision, ok?"  
I nod 

"Come, we have to get dressed- we have 30 minuets."

"To get there?!"

"Just to get dressed, I've booked a taxi?"

"Well, aren't you just lucky that I'm quick--- normally."

"Normally?"

"Yes, when I'm in some state of dress and don't have rose petals stuck to my skin-- why don't you just cancel dinner and we'll stay in?"

He chuckles  
"If only it were that simple. Now go get dressed and have a shower if you need to."

"I would but I'm comfortable..."

"You have to! .... I could persuade you…"  
His fingers begin to dance across my ribs and i immediately knew what he had planned.

"No! Fine ill have a shower and get dressed.."  
I unravel myself from his grasp and go to quickly shower

"I like what i see…"

"Oh shush you! I have petals plastering the majority of my back."

"Thats the point."  
He chuckles

I go and take a shower, making the petals plaster either the wood floor or the bottom of the bath which made me laugh.

I run back to the bed room to pick up my dress from the floor and I replace the stitches he removed- once more pulling me tight into the materials confines. I quickly fix my hair again and touch up any make-up before placing on the heels once more.

"The taxi's outside we have to go!"  
I hear Sherlock shout from the living room.

"2 seconds!"  
I quickly grab the keys and place on my jacket over the top.

I go to the living room doing a quick   
'Ta da!' Notion before leaving and locking the door. 

\-   
(Taxi)   
"So where exactly are we going?"

"You'll find out."

"Thats still not answering my question Sherlock darling. Why all the secrecy anyway?"

His arm gets tighter around my waist   
"You will see."  
I raise an eyebrow

"You've been saying that a lot lately, I've never been so patient in my life."  
He laughs. 

The taxi pulls up outside a resteraunt called 'Le Li's'  
Sherlock escorts me inside after i pay the taxi fare (it was my turn.)   
The lights in the resteraunt are off, completely but Sherlock quickly covers my eyes with his hands and carefully guides me somewhere else  
Straight on. Left, forward, right, open door.  
"What are you doing?!"

I feel his hands leave my eyes and my eyes sting slightly and the new brightly- lit room   
I hear the room chatting before a quick drop to silence and they begin to clap-- the room is filled with everyone I know: friends and family--- my family!- dad!  
Even Sherlock's mum and dad were there! I hadn't yet met them- they were often procrastinated visitations on Sherlock's part- i did try to get to meet them but i couldn't force him to introduce me- they knew of me, they just hadn't met me.

Mycroft was there too- with his girlfriend (Alana- a lawyer by the looks of it… and she works for him. I must meet this woman!) 

I turn to Sherlok questioning everything  
"What is this?! How did you get my family to be here?!  
Mycroft has a girlfriend?!"

"This is our engagement party. Your dad came out of support for his eldest daughter your uncle Ben came because i told him there would be free booze- but he does actually care- his twin- your uncle Tom came because you were close to your cousin-his son- all throughout childhood so they are both here and your uncle Jim came because he hasn't saw you for   
4 years- they all brought your cousins and that was actually a pretty simple task.  
Yes, Mycroft does have a girlfriend- not that that's the first thing you should have noticed."

I pull him to a tight hug  
"THANK YOU!! But why?"

"Je'taime"

"Mon amore. Ja'taime! You are brilliant!!"  
I squeeze him even harder before i hear my father's voice 

"Is that my little Neavie?"

I release Sherlock in favour of squeezing my dad to death.  
"DAD!!-"  
I release him finally  
"Im still not called Neavie! Lillith still does that?! It annoys me, I'm 34 now- not 8."

"And just look at how big you've gotten. Your taller than me- then again i always have been a short arse."

I laugh  
"Thats because I'm wearing heels! But then again even then your only 2 inches taller- we always have been short little things haven't we?"

"Of course pet.  
And just who is this?"  
My dad and Sherlock had never met strangely- my dad had never visited London and Sherlock had never been up north to meet my family, i had asked him but he had always seemed to be genuinely busy but I'm unsure whether he though that was a blessing in disguise because i was unsure whether he was keen on the idea of going up north- out of his general comfort zone maybe? 

I look at Sherlock and smile  
"Dad, this i the man who i presume asked you to come down to London. The man i am to marry, this is Sherlock."  
He goes to shake his hand and offers his usual greeting of

'Hello mate, how you doing?"

"Absolutely fine now she has said yes.  
I blush  
I see Sherlock sifting through his deductions and he starts  
"You were a DJ for many years- nationally known for a while, locally in your city for most of your career-"  
I nudge for him to stop there- my dad was the one person i really cared about in my family and i didn't want to know anything i shouldn't or anything that would ruin the perception built up during child hood so i had asked him to stop.

My dad looks astonished  
"Thats fantastic. How did he do that?"

"That's what he does dad, he's a consulting detective with the New Scotland Yard."

"You wanted to work with law didn't you Neavie?"

"Yes I did."

"What happened? I never found out- you never told anyone-"

"Nothing. I got my degree in law and politics. i met Sherlock while in uni, as you know, after that i don't know, i was happy, i didn't think about a job in politics but when the recession hit i managed to get one in an office."

"An office?"

"Well yes... It may be lower than what I'm qualified to do and duller than black itself but its work, i mustn't complain."

"Thats it pet, keep your chin up. Your grandmother would be proud that your engaged."

"Thank you. I miss her. I would have loved to let her have seen this- she lived to see all of her grandchildren grow up apart from me , Lilith and Oscar and even lived to see 3 grand children- she had a good life."

"She'd be proud of you. She always was."

"Thank you... Ill leave you to find Rachel."

"Have a lovely evening pet- and take that jacket of, you'd think you were cold."

He walks off to find Rachel- his partner.   
I thank Sherlock for stopping with my father.  
He nods and kisses my fore head before saying  
"I think my mother wants to meet you."  
I see her and Sherlock's father watching us and talking. 

"Then lets go meet her."  
I smile nervously

He pulls me close so my fore head is upon mine and whispers   
"Jacket?"

I immediately understand and slightly hesitantly remove it revealing the dress underneath but my usual idiosyncrasy's kick in about 10 seconds afterwards while Sherlock was escorting me to his parents:  
I drop my gaze to the floor and cross my arms over my stomach.  
Sherlock stops and looks at me, trying to catch my gaze by tilting my head up from looking at the floor, placing his palm to my cheek  
"Please uncross your arms."

"I can't, I'm sorry."  
I can feel my eyes well up

"Don't apologise.   
Why cant you unfold your arms?"

"Because the only thing i can concentrate on is the anxiety of the fact i can feel every one staring at me."

"They're looking at you because you are the reason they are here.  
Why do you always want to hide away?"

"Hiding is all i have, its all I've ever had. It keeps me safe. It keeps me unnoticed."  
A tear rolls down my cheek which he wipes away  
"Please just let me put my jacket back on."

He pulls me to him for a comforting embrace.   
"If you meet my parents and get through that then you can out the jacket on, ok?"

I nod and whisper a 'thank you'   
He pulls back and kisses my for head.  
"You have tried and that is all i had asked, just wearing the jacket is help- you could be wearing your coat and completely covering yourself- your doing very well, its absolutely fine.  
Now come, my mother looks worried."  
He smiles at me and i return the gesture , quickly fixing his suite from where my head had been oh his shirt.  
I quickly wipe under my eyes just to make sure and ask for a quick check, fixing my dress  
"How do i look?"

He chuckles   
"Perfect. Now lets show you off."  
I laugh, moving so he can place his hand on the small of my back once more.

"Neave this is my mother Mrs Holmes and my father- the original Mr Holmes."

I greet them both with the usual obligatory handshake and kiss to each cheek.  
"Its lovely to meet you both at last, Sherlock has told me so much about you both."  
Lying through the skin of my teeth- i knew very little of Sherlock and Mycroft's parents- neither of them broached any details about them: all i got was a  
'My mother visited today.'

"How is she?"

'Fine."

Or if i was very lucky I would hear Mycroft say  
"Do give mother a ring, she worries brother dear. Shes forever asking after you."

But from what i received they seemed very lovely.   
"As have we heard so much about you. We have been longing to meet the girl who has taken our boy's affections- we thought he would be single forever!"  
We both chuckled before she continued  
"He always has been one for procrastination when it has nothing to do with crime; what has it been now? 4 years? And I'm only just meeting you now at the engagement party."

"Better late than never I suppose Mrs Holmes."

"My boy hasn't stopped taking about his plans for the engagement- he even asked me how i proposed to his mother! It is an absolute pleasure to meet the woman who has stolen my boy's heart at last."

"I assure you Mr Holmes the pleasure is mutually shared. I have waited with great trepidation to meet you both and i must say i am glad to have done so."

"Please, both of you sit."

We do so and they both begin with the obvious thing of interviewing their child's partner- the thing that all parents do whether they know it or not.   
"So Sherlock, how did you meet?"

Sherlock goes on to explain we met at uni and had been in each others company a few times but never met- we got placed together for an SA-how laws are passed and the subsequent precautions that have to be taken to pass a law- we met a few times casually after that when he eventually asked me to 'look over a case' which i did and he said he found my insight valuable- after that we had shared quite frequent conversations on numerous topics and at one point he said  
"Your actually not an idiot."  
I naturally thanked him and while walking to the halls of residence i received a text with the poem in it- i found him- i kissed him- we let it develop. 

"That is romantic. Im very surprised Sherlock, you never seemed to show any interest in women before uni- before Neave actually- you must work miracles: for a while we thought he was gay!"

Sherlocks eyebrows shoot up and i choke on my drink of wine- trying not to laugh although i cant hide the smirk.  
"Really?"

"Oh yes, we thought it one of the only possibilities.  
Anyway, Neave, where are you from? Judging by your accent, your not from down south."

"Im not no. Im northern not as far as Scotland but Northern non the less."

Mr Holmes nods  
"Would you see it rude if i asked you just how far north?"

"No, not at all- Newcastle."  
I look anxiously at the couple for a response but they just nod- they don't seem 'snobby' but you never know.

"I wouldn't have guessed you were from Newcastle- the accent seems to normal for that."

"Normal? By that do you mean More southern? But yes, when i was about 11 i decided to weaken the accent dramatically so i sounded better- it only comes out to play when my voice is raised."

"How about education?"

"Well i went to a lovely little primary school- my secondary school was an academy- i stayed in my school for A-levels and so forth (they had a what is now called a 6th form) and my university was obviously Cambridge. All of my education was through the public school system- not private."

"Impressive i must say."

"Thank you Mr Holmes."

"Where are your family?"  
I can feel her trying out her final tests to see if there was anything wrong with me- if i was good enough for her son.

"Most of them are here. That there-is my dad."  
I point to him and allow them to do a once over.

"Mother?"

I look down  
"She's not here sadly. We don't get on."

"Im sorry to hear that."  
She says that in a very solemn tone.

"but may i test one more thing?"

"Ah! The final test! How may i contribute?"

"Knowledge of British history past and present."

"This should be simple. Very well Mrs Holmes, if i pass this then am i worthy of your son?"

"You already are my dear, i just want to test your knowledge- Sherlock had said you were bug on British history- I'm just putting that to the test."

"When did i prove myself Mrs Holmes?"

"When you stole his heart." She winks.

"Carole Ann Duffy?"

"National poet for Britain."

"Who was the Prime Minister who signed the Treaty Of Versailles? In 1919?"

"Nevill Chamberlin."

"Martyr for The Suffragettes in the derby day Epsom race?"

"Too easy- Emilie Wilding Davidson."

"Founder of The Suffragettes?"

"Emmaline Pankhurst."

"My only love sprung from my only hate?"

"Romeo an Juliet"

"My horse! My horse! My kingdom for a horse."

"A rather inaccurate play but it is Richard III."  
This was fantastic! It was like a battle of wits- each of us trying to gain the upper hand purely for the fun.

"The virgin queen?"

"Elizabeth I"

"6 wives."

"Henry VIII"

"The miners loosing their jobs was down to which Prime Minister?"

"Margret Thatcher."

"The abolishment of slavery throughout The British Empire."

"William Wilberforce and William Pitt." 

"The first 10 kings of England."

"William I  
William II  
Henry I  
Stephen I  
Henry II  
Richard I  
John I  
Henry III  
Edward I  
Edward II"

"Finally… the impossible question.  
What is the definition of Holmes?"

"An island."  
I smile at both Mr and Mrs Holmes who look amazed 

"I may look very plain but i have a lot of different elements to myself Mrs Holmes. I could name the rest of the kings and queens if you so wish."

She gives a beaming smile to all of us at the table before standing from her seat and walking in front of me where i stand too- she kisses both of my cheeks before placing a her hands on each side of my face saying  
"Welcome to the family my dear. Congratulations."

I breath a sigh of relief.  
"Thank you Mrs Holmes."  
She walks to Sherlock and does the same but this time she says  
"You've done well my boy, don't let this one go- shes special."

He smiles and replies with a   
"Sont worry i already know that."  
I lean over the table to shake Mr Holmes' hand and he congratulates me once more which I thank him for.

I hear Mary call our names so i turn to see her and John approach us.   
I thank Mr and Mrs Holmes for their company and ask them to go and chat with my father before Sherlock excuses us so we can speak with John and Mary.  
Sherlock whispers:   
"See. I told you that you could do it. They love you."  
He placed a kiss to my head.

John starts  
"Congratulations you two. Well done Sherlock." 

Sherlock shakes John's hand and smiles brightly at him.  
Mary continues  
"Look at you! Your engaged.  
Sorry about the other day, John told me and i was elated."

I look at Sherlock  
"Is that why you three were acting suspiciously when marriage came up?"

"Maybe..."

"Did everyone know about this engagement before i did? I only said yes an hour ago and everyone knows. How on earth did you keep this quiet?   
How did you know i would say yes?"

"I have connections… i asked people to stay quiet and i didn't tell anyone unessential to this party.   
As for knowing that you would say yes… I didn't."  
I smile and press a kiss to his lips.

"Oi you two, save that for the wedding night." Mary chides.

"How are you two anyway?" I ask

"Were good. Little Harry is sleeping  
much better now.   
Did you know Lestrade is getting married?"

"Yes. He asked me to be a groomsman."

"Me too. I never knew i had made that much of an impact."

"Nor did Sherlock apparently; he did exactly the same thing he did when you asked him, save the eyeball in the cup of tea incident."

"Really?"

I just nod and Sherlock smirks.

"There are a lot of people here i don't know, how do you know them?"

"Family. They're my family from my fathers side. Sherlock invited them all down."  
Mary pulls a face that i can only describe as the one you pull when you see something cute and go 'awww'

"Oh Sherlock! Thats lovely! I didn't think you would have so much of a soft side, you must love her."

Sherlock chuckles before leaning down and saying into my ear-so only him and i can hear.  
"More and more everyday."  
I take his hand that was resting on my stomach, around my waist from where he stood behind me and laced my fingers with his before I kissed his hand.

"You look fantastic! I love the dress. Where is it from?"

I reply slightly incredulously   
"Thank you  
Umm… I'm not sure, Sherlock bought it for me."

"You'll have to give me the website lover boy. But i must say you have taste. "

I hear the background music stop and the song changes to something quite sweet-'With arms wide open'  
Sherlock excises us from the conversation before pulling me to the dance floor.  
"What are you doing?"

"Dance."

"I cant dance."

"You can. I showed you earlier, look."  
He moves to the music, just as we had earlier and i quickly try to remember the steps- thankfully i do and after a few repeats of the steps. I just do them seamlessly. I don't even notice the other people on the dance floor or lack thereof- were the only ones on the dance floor. Everyone seems to have crowded around the floor to watch.

"Where did you learn to dance?"

"I like dancing. It have always known how, its just not something that comes up in murders- I've never needed it."

He even began whispering the words into my ear. 

*with arms wide open, under the sunlight. Welcome to this place, ill show you everything*

*ill show you love, ill show you everything* 

*if i had just one wish or just one demand, i hope he's not like me, i hope he understands, that he can take this life and hold it by the hands*  
He dips me and it takes me by surprise but i don't faulter too much.

"See i was right- you can dance."

"Correct as always Mr Holmes."  
He smiles and spins me to once again dip me but this time i do it with more grace and he plants a kiss to my neck while I'm still dipped and my neck is fully exposed.

The song slowly comes to a stop and we smile at one another- looking into each others eyes for a few moments before the concentration is broken by the sound of applause by the 'audience'  
I blush and jump slightly at the sudden noise.

-

"Did you like it?"

"Of course i did Sherlock. You went far beyond what you could have done and i can only thank you for it. You brought my family down, you introduced me to your parents', you made me dance with grace- which let me tell you takes a lot of time -you have given me a promise to be mine and for I to be yours you have done far more than i ever expected and i will do whatever i can to show my gratitude."

"Im sure ill think of something.  
Ill call up a cab.  
What time is it?"

I look at my phone  
"Oh my god! Its 3am  
How on earth did we stay out that long?"

"Theres no point in taking a taxi, we'll have to walk."

I sigh and take off the heels.  
"Come on then. How far?"

"About 3 miles."

"Then we better get started."

He walks over to me an picks me up  
"What the- what are you doing? Are you drunk?"

"You cant walk barefoot for 3 miles through London And no I'm not, i measured my alcohol intake- making sure each drink was 443cl3 so i couldn't get drunk."

"And you cant carry me for 3 miles! Did you really measure your alcohol intake?"

"Yes i did, i measured yours too. I intend to carry you 3 miles."

"Fine ill walk in these blasted things for 2 miles and you can carry me for the rest if you so wish, ok?"

"Deal. I know they're hurting but it wont take long."

"Thats what you say.   
Anyway how did i do on my alcohol levels."

"Not even close to getting drunk- you only had a 2 glasses of wine- although i don't suppose you would have much choice, your uncle had about 13 drinks in total- im surprised he hasn't drank the entire bar. How he isn't drunk is beyond me."

I laugh  
"Trust me. This is a quiet night for him. Im surprised he doesn't need a liver transplant- he must just drink his entire weekly allowance in one day- then again he has an extremely high tolerance for alcohol, I'm just glad he didn't get drunk, I've heard stories and it never seems to end well."

I link my arm with Sherlock's and begin to walk home. We walk in silence, relishing the quiet sounds of the London nightlife and the wind as it blows past. We remain this way until Sherlock speaks up.

"I never knew you were so enthralled with history. Don't get me wrong i knew you liked it but i didn't expect you to get half of that."

"You underestimate me Mr Holmes! I am very much a history nerd. I can explain a lot of things, like the initial routes of The Berlin Wall."

"Come on impress me."

"Is that a challenge?"

"You know me. Anything to stop being bored."

"Very well. Towards the end of the second world war there was something called The Yalta Conference and what we call 'the big 3' met:  
Churchill- of course the british Prime Minister at the time.  
Roosevelt- the American President  
And   
Stalin- leader of the USSR.  
One of the agreements the leaders' came to was to- when the war was won- split Germany into 4 sectors for :  
Britain  
France   
The USA  
USSR (United Soviet Socialist Republic.)  
(Doomed from the start- communist regions and the USSR's capitalist region weren't going to get on for obvious reasons.)  
Now- the USSR had most of the power because Berlin was in their sector and Berlin was central to making money in industry so they split Berlin into two sectors- starting to sound familiar?  
One section was going to be run by the communist USSR and the other half ran by the capitalists i.e. the USA, Britain and France. Communism and capitalism DO NOT WORK together- they are two very different political systems which lead to divide and the obvious things happened which i shan't bore you with.  
Thus meaning that the Yalta Conference is routed to the Berlin wall."

"-you can delete that by the way, i know you hate to clutter up your mind palace."

"I actually found that interesting-- i shall keep that for future reference or if God forbid, history repeated itself."

"Oh Sherly boy. You have a lot to learn. History doesn't repeat itself. Man does."  
He gives me a funny look.

"Sorry, i like calling you Sherly boy. Its cute... Would you like me to stop."

"If you wouldn't mind."  
I chuckle

"So be it."

"-the sky. Its beautiful the starts aren't as bright as usual but its still beautiful."

"I hadn't noticed." 

I reach over to Sherlock to untie his tie and undo the first two buttons.  
"There we go. Does that feel better?"

"It was fine."

"Liar. You never wear ties which means one of two things   
A.) your too lazy  
B.) you find them uncomfortable."

He smirks  
"Fine. I don't like them and yes it does feel better thank you- i can breath now."

"I believe i have a promise to uphold."

"No you don't. Ill walk."

"You said after 2 miles i could carry you if i so wished and i do so wish- so i am carrying you. If you slip a disk, its not my fault."

"Oh please. Give me some credit."

He lifts me bridal style into his arms.  
"Are you happy now?"

"Very."  
I wrap an arm around his neck and bury my head in his chest.

"Are you sure I'm not too heavy?"

"Positive."  
We walk for about 5 more minuets before we turn the corner onto Baker Street.

"I thought you said it was another mile."

"I said it was about 3 mile an for most of the 3rd i was listening to you and i didn't want to stop you to pick you up."

He slowly lowers me to the floor and we walk the last 200 yards of so. I unlock the door and Sherlock seems to dart up the stairs, using his own key to get in. I shut the door to 221 and walk up the stair to 221B.  
I walk in and take of the heels and my feet are soothed slightly to feel the cold floor of the flat but i soon place them back on- i have a plan.

"Sherlock?"

"In here."  
I follow the sound of the voice to the bathroom where he's currently undressing for a shower.

"Is that seriously all you ran up the stairs for?"

"You take an alarmingly long time having a shower and i always get burned after i go in after you because you have the water on too hot- i wasn't going to let to go in first now was i?"

"I don't even want one- I've had 2 in the last 24 hours... And anyway-"  
My voice goes down to a purr

"If you have a shower then ill have to get out of this skin tight dress all. by. myself. Don't you want to help?"  
I bite my lip

"A.) I'm going in the shower.  
B.) its quarter to 4 in the morning."

"That is no excuse…   
you could at least unzip me?…"  
I turn around and he follows my plan- he unzips the dress, i feel his fingers lightly brush the skin of my back- i hear him let out a sigh.

I turn around, placing my hands upon his chest, unbuttoning his shirt further  
"Thank you. If you need me you know where i'll be…"  
I turn and walk from the bathroom, placing more of a sway in my hips- making sure he was watching me as i left.

(5…4…3…2…1.)   
I just step into our bedroom when i hear  
"Stop."

I smirk to myself and turn to see him standing in the hallway, his shirt completely off now. I reply, my tone sounding completely innocent  
"Yes?"

"Bedroom."

I decide to tease him- see where it gets me.  
"Yes that i where i am. What of it."

"I want you in the bedroom."

"Oh now Sherlock, what would you prepose we do in the bedroom?   
What would you do /to me/ in the bedroom?  
I mean don't you have a shower to attend? Wouldn't want to skip that now would we?"

He chuckles and walks to where i stand, until he backs be to a wall, his lips millimetres from my ear  
"I see your game- your teasing me.  
I shall let you know i don't tolerate teasing… i'll be the dominant one.   
I give you receive. You will moan, writhe and scream as i take you and that is a promise- you will accept it willingly and i know you will- because your desire at this very moment begs to be sated with nothing but pleasure coursing through you and i know how to do that.-"  
(That bastard! He knew i had a dominance and a voice kink- that clever. Unfair. Man)   
Little had i realised that by this point my eyes had closed and my breathing had gotten more laboured, taking in each and every word from that gorgeous voice… i had so lost the control.

"- you know i know exactly how to do that. Your leg trembles at these words. Lets not deny it you /want/ me.  
You /lust/after me.  
I want you. I want you to beg for release, earn it.   
What will i do to you? Its more of a question of what i /wont/ do to you.  
My only request is that you keep everything you are wearing on. I will fuck you just like this and i shall do the same. We shall let the carnal desires out in the very clothes we wear, not allowing time to even remove them because my that time i will already be inside you."

I had lost this miserable game to gain control- my breath laboured and my wetness dripping down my thigh.  
He reaches behind my back just to zip up the dress once more.  
He pulls the bottom of the dress up to it is around my stomach and he them lifts me and drops me onto the bed, my body bouncing slightly on the mattress. He jut crawls up my body and pins my hands above my head with one hand. He lowers his head to my neck and begin to immediately work on my most sensitive spots.  
I don't see him move and in seconds he has handcuffed me to the headboard.  
I let out a loud moan of   
'Oh god!'

He unbuckles his belt and unzips his pants before he asks  
"ready?"


	5. Sometimes thats all i need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically this is just where the OC has a bad day- a bad life and Sherlock tries to make it better.

The next day-

I woke up lying on my front, completely naked, with only the duvet covering my back.  
I check the alarm clock: 7:30  
We had only went to sleep at 6am- we didn't get home until about half past 3 quarter to four and by the time we had finished our.... Activities (more than once) it was 6am so we had only gotten about an hour and a half's worth of sleep.

I look to my left to find Sherlock in, just about, the same state. I look under the covers- in exactly the same state. 

I get out of bed, untangling myself from the sheets to go to the draws and grab some knickers and a bra.  
I quietly exit the room to take a shower- lord knows i needed it- make-up was smudged on my face... What a wonder that will be to get out of the pillows, and the exhaustion was evident in my eyes and face. 

The shower sure enough diminished any lingering vestiges of sleep, or at least on the outside it did.  
I put on the things i picked from the room before having to go back in, in order to get some actual clothes-  
Jeans and a blouse.  
I see Sherlock stir slightly but i allow him to sleep as i dress-- well at least that was the plan before he awoke slightly, feeling around the bed in search for me, noticing I wasn't there.

"Over here."

"Oh your up. I didn't notice-- its too early."

"I know sweetie. Just go to sleep."

"Only if you join me..."

"I think your still sated from last night- this morning, you can sleep for a while yet."

"I wasn't proposing sex. I was proposing sleep."

"Which you can do by yourself can you not?"

"Yes, i can but your soft and warm- much better than sleeping alone I find, and your more tired than I. so will you join me or not?"

"Fine."  
I relent, not even caring anymore. I was still more asleep than awake at that moment.

He puts his hand out and i take it- he yanks me onto the bed next to him. The wind is yanked from my lungs and my hair now covered my face.  
"Happy?"  
I ask while blowing hair from my face.

"Yes."  
He pulls me to him, seeming content.  
"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Last night. You let me tie you up... As well as other things."

I blush  
"No problem. I owe you anyway."  
I place a kiss to his chest.

"Owe me for what?"  
I believe you may have asked me something last night...  
I bring up my left hand and show him the ring- reminding him of his actions.

"I hardly think that an engagement is reason for you to thank me with sexual favours."

"Saying thank you, after a while gets dull. Sex however… we both always get fantastic results."  
He chuckles

"While you may believe that i would like to think that you don't pay me in sexual favours every time i do something."

"Don't worry i don't. This is just a cover story for me not wanting to admit i wanted to and like being tied up."

He chuckles once more  
"I noticed that... I think the neighbours noticed that "  
He begins to kiss my neck. Right in my soft spot.  
I moan at his ministrations.

I ask him as a noiseless whisper  
"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"You get that perfect spot… on my neck every time. It feels…hmmmm."

"Practice. At different angles and positions I can produce different responses. This is one of the more pleasurable ones."

"There are spots better than this?"

"Yes and i know how to trigger every single one of them."  
He moves so his top half is leaning over me slightly so be can gain better access to my neck so he can produce a different reaction.

"This is your best spot...."

He begins to kiss behind my ear with an arm underneath me so i am completely enraptured by him.

"This is the sign i know you are getting the most pleasure... Your head is moving, trying to get more."

"Yes...."

"I have all of your sensitive spots mapped out and all of your weaknesses stored. For example:  
"You like me to nibble here"  
he nibbles below my jaw.  
"You like me to bite here"  
he moves to where my shoulder and my neck meet and lightly applies pressure.  
"You like to be touched- very lightly- here."  
he dances his fingers down my throat.  
I pull my head back so my neck is more exposed and moan at his actions. 

I see him smile as i mewl at his minstrations.  
"I thought we were meant to be sleeping."

He continued his actions, only stopping to speak  
"I am."

"No your not. Your turning me on."

He chuckles  
"And thats a bad thing why?"

"Its not…hmmm… but were meant to be sleeping."

"Isn't this more fun?"

"Of course… but your…we're tired."

"And your relaxed now,are you not?"

"Relaxed…isn't the word." 

"What would that word be then?"  
He already knew, he just wanted to hear me say it.

"I think you already know."

"Say it."

"Aroused…very, very aroused."

"That wasn't so hard now, was it?"

"No."  
I finally open my eyes when i catch a quick glance at the mirror on the wall, i see the reflection of Sherlock's back.

"Oh my God! Your back!"  
I jump up so i can get a proper look.  
There are deep red scratch marks all the way down his back.  
He looks clueless.

I lightly trace the marks with my fingers.  
"Do they hurt?"

"No, why? Whats wrong?"

"You have… scratch marks all the way down your back.  
Did i do this?"  
My voice begins to get shaky with guilt.

He looks at his reflection as best as he could in the mirror  
"I would say so, judging by the width of the marks."

My eyes begin to get teary  
"Im so sorry! I am so, so sorry! Im really sorry Sherlock. How did i…"

He pulled me to him  
"Its fine. Its nothing that wont fade- they don't hurt…"  
He began to stroke my hair

"How did i do that?"

"The third time. I uncuffed you- you scratched your hands down my back as you were close to climax."

"Oh God! Im really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you… i feel really bad. Are you sure they don't hurt?"

"Its absolutely fine darling. Don't feel bad. They sting slightly but it will be fine- they'll fade."  
He kissed my forehead.

"Roll on your front please."

"Why?"

"Trust me, please. I want to sooth the marks slightly."  
I still felt very guilty.. How could i hurt him? 

"There is no need. Their fine!"

"Just trust me. I know what feels nice on marks such as this- its soothing."

He rolled on his front without any protest and I straddle his hips  
"Aren't i meant to be facing the other way for this?"

I raise an eyebrow  
"No, that isn't what i had in mind.  
Is the skin on your back still sensitive?"

"Slightly, why?"

"Because this whole process is dependant upon your skin being sensitive… you'll be able to feel what i feel when you touch my neck- well a similar feeling anyway if the skin is still tender."

"How will this be like touching your neck?"

"I have regular allergic reactions to various different things which make me itch my neck and throat, yes or no?"

"Yes…"

"My skin then becomes highly sensitive because i have scratches the skin away from it, causing it to go red and the skin is in the process of healing.  
This should be the same principal. This is very much an experiment for me.  
Ready?"

"Yes."  
I begin to lightly dance my hands all the way down his red, scratch marked back. It sends a full body shudder through him.

"See, it feels nice."  
He looks utterly confused

"How do you know about that?!"

"Do you like it?"

"Yes… its different."

"Does it help?"

"Yes. Your hands…their soft against my skin."

"Good."  
I continue to lightly touch his back, up and down to sooth the scratches in some way.

I have an idea  
"Lift up slightly and crane your neck back."

"What?"

"You heard. Its an experiment."  
He does so- say anything is an experiment and he'll do it- although this one was genuinely an experiment.

I do the same up his neck to what i was doing to his back- seeing what reaction i would get.  
He let out a loud exhale and a quiet moan  
"So…"

"Peculiar but good. Relaxing even."

"Good."  
Press a kiss to his temple.  
I soon go back to his back- i would never say this aloud but i loved his back, as strange as it may sound, it was toned and muscular- i found that attractive.

After a while i reach into his bedside draw and pull out some cream- the same i use for my scratches when i have allergic reactions (it was in his side because his was closest to the door and it was for sheer convenience because i would never need it when i was in bed, only when i had been out.) - and place it next to my leg.

I then press a kiss to the top and bottom of all 8 long, red scratch marks, tracing each one finely as i did so.  
I take the cream and warn him  
"This will be cold."  
I then place dots of it all over his back- the muscles tense as he realise how cold it actually is- i rub all of the cream into his back, massaging it as i do so. 

I hear him moan as I work all of the knots out of his back- the poor man works constantly he never seems to relax, then again, thats how he's always been. He is brilliant at what he does but he is extremely tense.

I work out all of the knots and he appears to have completely melted into the mattress- more relaxed than i had ever seen him before.  
"Better?"  
I ask already knowing the answer.

He just makes a noise- he's the perfect balance of relaxed and comfortable to become sleepy. Very sleepy.  
I lean over so my lips are at his ear.

"Sleep my darling. Ill wake you later."

He just about whispers  
"No. Join me."

"Ok."  
I get up from my place straddling him to lay beside him.  
He rolls onto his side and manages to muster enough strength to wrap his arms around me before he falls asleep.  
I follow him about 10 minuets later- needing time to relax mentally first. 

-

I awake to hear the sound of my alarm going off, i groan in protest and look at the clock:  
10am  
Time for work… i hate my job. I always had- way below my potential career prospects- i had a degree and a masters in politics and law for christ sake!  
However, a job is a job and sadly Sherlock didn't take payment for his work unless it was for a big firm and even then i had to ask him to because after a while my salary wasn't covering some of the bills, so he now asks for a payment before completing a case- bless him, i knew thats not how he usually worked but he understood the bills had to be paid. 

I got up from the bed, leaving Sherlock to sleep some more- it was hard to get the man to sleep but when he did he slept like no other.  
The poor man stayed up for hours on end, even days sometimes (i couldn't beg him to sleep all of the time- sometimes i would stay up with him… well attempt to would be a better phrase. When i had holidays free or a day off the next day.) it must just all catch up with him. 

I left the room and took another shower and got changed yet again in some different clothes- i had a constant 'thing' about sweat and being clean- i had at least 2 showers a day (needless to say, the water bill was my own to pay.) 

I fixed my hair and make-up in the front room so not to wake Sherlock up. I place on the heels and before i leave i go into our room and press a kiss to Sherlock's forehead and whisper a goodbye- i just see him smirk slightly  
I was scheduled to work from 12:30 until 9:30pm so it would be a LOONNGG day. 

-

"Hows that prick of a boyfriend you have?"  
I hear one of the girls ask with a chuckle

"I would appreciate it if you didn't call him that Sally."

"Oh really? Why?"  
Does she really have to ask?

"Why do you think?  
A.) I'm trying to do my work, something you wouldn't know anything about.  
B.) your talking about the man i am going to marry and even if you weren't i would rather you not use such adjectives."

"Your getting married?! When were you planning on telling me."

"I wasn't."

"Ok… bitch, calm down.  
Would you like me to rephrase? How is the useless arse hole of a man doing?"

"If thats how your going to play fine. You are just jealous because he deduced that you were cheating on your boyfriend and that when you tried flirting with him i.e  
when you attempted to grope him and pushed your chest against him in an attempt to shag him in the closest closet he didn't respond to your advances.  
If you don't want offensive i wouldn't wear that perfume and my fiancee isn't the only one who can deduce you- your not particularly hard to deduce.  
You have no boyfriend- when you do you have no definition of faithful, there is always a string of lovers. you are a border line sex addict and have recently taken up using a vibrator- good idea until you want to climax multiple times every day because your body gets used to the vibrations and you become numb, but you didn't know that did you?  
and you now find it takes an excessively long time to climax by penetration or vibrations. Now am i right or am i right?  
Now that isn't offensive because that is fact. In feature stay off the vibrators, don't you dare flirt with my fiancee /ever/ and stop trying to be a bitch, and for the love of god! Do some work!"  
Her mouth just hangs open an she just stutters

"H-how…"

"Your constantly on your phone- it has a waterproof case which would indicate that you take it in the shower- there are some messages you would rather your boyfriend not to see you send.  
You constantly brag about your sex life especially while around me, why?  
I haven't that faintest but i see when your at your desk you regularly do what i can only describe as 'gyrate' against it- most likely you crave the feeling you get while doing that. Thats enough to be getting on with, don't you think?  
If you would please excuse me, i have work to do."  
She walks away, buttoning up her unreasonably tight shirt so it no longer shows her /massive/ chest which i was even jealous of, not that i would go showing them off anywhere near as much as her but still i would be nice to have a descent sized pair that i could be confident in.

I continue my day at work, sorting out figures and creating a presentation for a meeting i had the day after. I hear one of the men behind me  
"Could you do me a favour and do these accounts for me and just E-mail me the work?"

"No, I'm sorry i cant."

"Why not?"

"I have worked here for 2 years and i am, at least once a week, asked to do someone else's work. I am not here to do your or anyone else's work for you, you'll be getting credit for my work anyway and you just want to go home, you meant to finish in 10 minuets and if you cant finish these accounts you cant go home. I cant be relied upon to do others' work because they have procrastinated too much to do it themselves."

"Fine. Jesus Christ, calm down."  
He turns back round to his own desk

I just mentally scream  
"What the fuck?! I only said i wasn't going to do your work for you. I wasn't even arsey."

Finally my lunch break comes, i walk to the little kitchen in the office just to grab an apple before i stop. I hear the voices of some of my colleagues on the other side of the wall.  
I had heard some of it before- on a weekly basis, sometimes daily but i always walked away- this time i stayed.

"I hate her."

"-shes such a bitch. I mean who the hell does she think she is?"  
I hear another voice chime in- a male.

"I cant believe shes marrying that prick, then again, maybe their meant to be together. They're both insufferable."  
They cant be talking about me…can they.

A third voice- another woman  
"I hear she tried to kill herself."

The other woman speaks once more  
"Too bad she didn't succeed, it would make a lot of people very happy.  
Have you seen her? If i looked like that, i would try an kill myself."  
They are, they're talking about me- how do they even know?!  
They all laugh.

"I feel sorry for the poor bastard who has to marry her. Being stuck with /that/ for the rest of your life, dear god it must be hell. Her accent alone is irritating!"

"Where is she even from?"

"I don't know but wherever it is, I'm staying well clear of it."

"The way she dresses… seriously! Where does she get her clothes from, their all ugly."

My eyes begin to tear up: they hate me, they all hate me!

"Her tits are the worst! Poor girl, she must stuff her bra."

"And thats not mentioning the weight shes carrying around. Her thighs are huge and her hands look so…old!"

I walk away, trying to get to the nearest toilets without bursting into tears.  
I finally get into the toilets- thankfully their empty- And burst into tears.

"They all hate you! Every single one of them.  
Why does everyone hate you? Everyone always does!  
Your a bitch! No wonder no one likes you! No one ever has! Thats why you never had any friends!  
People only talk to you when they either want something or when they want you to listen to their problems!  
Look at yourself, pathetic. Your a grown woman, crying, in the toilets of her work! 

I look at my hands, then at my own reflection in the mirror.  
They're right! They're right! Everything they're saying is right!  
Your hands do look old!  
Your clothes are ugly!  
You are fat!

I run a hand through my hair and find a small clump of dark brown hair in my hand.  
The stress had been really getting to me lately. My doctor said that i needed to slow down on work and deal with my anxiety/ depression or i could begin to loose my hair…too late.  
My hair was quite thick so you couldn't tell too much at this stage, but i would know.

I sighed, letting a new wave of tears flow- i couldn't believe it.

I put the hair in the little waste basket at the side of the room before i finally  
Walked out, still crying but i used my hair to shield my face.  
I just grabbed my things and left- i didn't care if i got fired or not, it would have been a relief.

I just went back to 221B- i only saw Mrs Hudson on my way up the stairs  
"Hello there, are you alright there sweetie? you look like you've been crying."

"Uh, yes, yes. Im fine Mrs Hudson, don't worry. Thank you"

"Are you sure my dear?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Do you want me to call Sherlock, he left he his number if you need it."

"No!, no. Of course not. Im fine. Honestly."

"Im down here if you need me- if you need to talk."

"Thank you, Mrs Hudson."

"Anytime my dear."

I let myself into the flat- thankfully it was empty.

I immediately go into our bedroom and pull at the clothes i was wearing, taking each garment of with no care- the skirt and the blouse, i kick them to the side of the room and stare at the reflection looking back at me in the mirror- i hated it. I hated all of it- everything i could see in the reflection and everything i couldn't- the way i was, the way i spoke- everything. 

I began to cry again and sank to the floor, my back resting on the bed. I ket my gaze on the person in front of me.

I placed my head between my knees, no longer watching the person staring back at me.

I enraptured myself in my own thoughts blocking all else out. I don't even hear the door close. I just feel hands on my knees, i jump and look up to see Sherlock kneeling in front of me.

"Whats wrong?"  
He looks worried

"I didn't hear you come in."

"Mrs Hudson said she was worried about you- you came home from work crying."

"Its nothing, ill be fine."

He lifts my head with a finger under my chin.  
"Please, tell me."

"I cant." 

"Why?"

"Because something is saying not to tell you."

"Why?"

"Because you'll be comforting to me- i don't deserve that, i don't deserve you."

He shouldn't have to put up with me, nothing i do, nothing i say- how i feel. Non of it.

"- you shouldn't have to put up with me."

He looks at me an where I'm sat- where I've been looking- i think he knows. 

"Your back from work early, why?"

"I left."

"What happened?"

"People."

"Your being very brief, would you please tell me?"

I just shake my head  
"Why?"

"Because my voice is irritating."  
He looks confused  
I then become aware of the cool air against my skin and i shiver.  
He stands and takes of his Belstaff, wrapping it around me as much as he can.

He takes my hand away from my face.  
"Why would you think that?"

"Ive been told."

He looks annoyed now  
"By who."

"Them"  
I just look at the clothes i wore for work which were scattered on the floor.

"They all hate me. Every single one of them and do you know what?  
They're right to. "

"No they're not. Why do you think they hate you?"

"Because I've heard it every single day, i hear people talking about me every single day I'm at work and today i actually heard what they were saying. "

He placed a hand to my face, stroking my cheek with his thumb  
"What did they say?"

'I hate her -shes such a bitch. I mean who the hell does she think she is?'  
'I cant believe shes marrying that prick, then again, maybe their meant to be together. They're both insufferable.'  
'I hear she tried to kill herself.'  
'Too bad she didn't succeed, it would make a lot of people very happy.  
Have you seen her? If i looked like that, i would try and kill myself.'

how do they even know?! you and John were the only people who knew! 

They all laughed at that point and they continued  
'I feel sorry for the poor bastard who has to marry her. Being stuck with /that/ for the rest of your life, dear god it must be hell. Her accent alone is irritating!'  
'Where is she even from?'  
'I don't know but wherever it is, I'm staying well clear of it.'  
'The way she dresses… seriously! Where does she get her clothes from, their all ugly.'  
'Her tits are the worst! Poor girl, she must stuff her bra.'  
'And thats not mentioning the weight shes carrying around. Her thighs are huge and her hands look so…old'

"They left absolutely nothing- and all of that was before i left.  
They identified every single thing about me i hate and put it up for scrutiny as if it were nothing more than a comment, as if it were no more than dirt in a football field!"

I stood up finally, walking around the room as i continued- the Belsaff fell to the floor .  
"What do i do wrong?  
What do i constantly do wrong?  
NO ONE EVER WANTS TO LIKE ME, EVER!  
IT'S ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS!  
WHY DOES NO ONE EVER SEEM TO LIKE ME?!  
Even since i was in school i have had no one!  
They were always my sisters friends who had to like me.  
EVERYONE ALWAYS HATES ME!  
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!!!!"  
I scream the last part, tears dripping from my face and i collapse to my knees.

I begin to whisper  
"My god! I am everything they hate! I am fat, i am ugly. Why do you even love me?"

"Why wouldn't i?"

"I mean look at me! Im a 28 year old, grown woman crying because no one wants to be anywhere near her- but its not just because of that- its being told day in day out that your not good enough, no matter how hard you try, no one likes you, no one cares."

Sherlock walks to where i am kneeling and takes my hands from where they are shaking at either side of my head and he places them on either side of his face, i look up, He looks sad, so very sad.  
"You are special to me, in every way. I may be ignorant of the beautiful, but you are the most beautiful woman i have had the grace to have loved. You are one of the only people i love, the most important one at that.  
I would personally hinder each one of those pathetic excuses for humans if i only had the chance.  
There is nothing wrong with you, there never has been. People as inferior as that are threatened by such brilliance. Humans, they're all idiots, in the end and this is evidence of that.  
Your thighs-"  
He places a hand onto one of my thighs  
"Are certainly not 'huge' i can guarantee that.  
They found out that you tried to 'kill' yourself because it was in the newspaper, one of the paramedics sold the story but he obviously didn't take into account the fact that if you wanted to die you wouldn't have called John so he used the word kill instead of hurt- the doctors had enough common sense to not bring you any news papers.  
I could never live if you died, you mean too much.  
I don't deserve it? Surely this is the other way around.  
You do not deserve to know only pain and fear of others because of your life, growing up.  
I will have said this before and i will say it again, i love everything you are and i will do everything i can to help you. Do you understand?"

"I'm broken! Shattered in so many ways, i'm almost impossible to put back together! And i hate myself for it! You don't deserve to have to deal with the amount of cracks within me. The small amount of pressure it would take to see me shatter into millions of little shards. The cracks are showing and i don't know what to do!"

He smiles and reaches up to wipe the tears from my cheeks.  
"I wouldn't have you any other way.  
The cracks make you who you are, if you had no cracks you would be normal. You are not normal. You have all the love you could want and more, i will embrace every crack and more, every crack makes you unique."

I just whisper a barely audible  
'Thank you.'

He pulls me up to kneel and he kneels opposite me- he pulls me to him so my head is cradled in his chest, i just return the embrace, not saying a word. 

We stay that way for about 10 minuets- after a while i just closed my eyes and enjoyed the silence which i so rarely got to enjoy, especially when coupled with a moment such as this.

Sometimes, thats all i would need when i had had a bad day, an embrace and silence- that is all. 

He eventually led me to stand and sat me on the bed, letting me lie upon it, he soon joined me, picking up the Belstaff from where it had pooled on the floor and he draped us in it, not even using the blankets. It covered most of me (the thing was huge compared to me- well he is much bigger than i.) 

"Do you know why i hate most people?"

"Because they're all idiots?"

He chuckled slightly  
"Partially, but because they prey on people who aren't normal and try to use that to scare them. They hate what they don't understand- which deems to be anything they see as 'un-normal' or different  
You and I, were not normal, we have certain things about us that are different, to them, we are a threat, we are dangerous but in the end we all crave the same thing, that very same feeling- that we belong, that we are loved."  
He presses a kiss to my hair

"Do you feel that way?"

"Of course i do. I used to at least."

"Used to?"

"Yes… before university. Before i met you actually. I was teased and bullied at school for what i can do and that was the case through university too- until i met you. You loved what i could do, you were fascinated, you accepted me like no one else had and then eventually, you came to love me and you made me feel something i never thought i would.  
Love. Sentiment and… passion."

I just hugged him tighter.  
"You never felt love before?"

"love like I feel for you? no.  
Love for my family? yes."

"Thank you."

"For?"

"Telling me that. You didn't have to, yet, you did and i value your truthfulness for it.-"

There is a short silence  
"Im sorry Sherlock." 

"For what?"

"I dragged you away from a case."

"It doesn't matter. You are more important and that wasn't worth my time anyway- open and shut domestic murder."

He rolls over onto his side so he is facing me and pushes some of my hair behind my ear.  
"How long have you been loosing your hair?"

I wasn't expecting that.  
"Not long. It only really started today.  
How did you know?"

"Most people wouldn't notice but you have thick hair and when i felt it, it had felt like it had gotten slightly thinner."

"Oh."

"Have you made an appointment with the therapist yet?"

"No."

"How come?"

"I don't want to talk. I don't like talking about myself and there is always something i haven't said. I feel as if, i will get told to 'stop being dramatic' and that if i cry they will think I'm pathetic- your the only person to have seen me cry more than once- then again, most people don't get once."

"Then talk to me."

"What?"

"You don't want to see a different therapist, then talk to me. You only tell me some things, so why don't i help you?  
We can do exactly this- you can be held, just like this, so you feel safe and we can talk, or just sit in silence, whichever you prefer because i know thats what you want.  
Do you accept?"

I nod and whisper a 'yes' to him  
"I can do this as often as you need, just ask."

"Thank you."

He kisses my forehead.  
We continued to lay like that for a while longer, i needed something to take me away from it all- that was it, he was my escape, my excitement and my undoing, whether he knew it or not.  
To feel loved is all I've ever wanted and he made me feel that way; he may have been a sociopath or whatever else the papers branded him, but he made me feel something no one else had made me feel:  
loved, unconditionally, almost to the point of self destruction.

"You make me feel… good. You make me feel, worthy of love and you make me feel important."

He tightens his grip around my body and kissed me sweetly.  
"Because you are.  
You are loved. You are important and you are…fantastic."

"Thank you Sherlock, for everything."

"I will be here for you, always."


	6. Crack den

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock is found in a crack den- again!   
> There is a smutty sequel to this, i have began to write it and it should be done soon but i wanted it as two seperate parts.

6 days later- 

"I will have to go away for a while."

"How long?"

"About 3 weeks- its for a case."

"What does this case entail and why does it require you to leave? If you don't mind my inquiry."

"Not at all. I can tell you I'm afraid- top secret but i will be back as soon as i can."

I wrap my arms around him.  
"Do you have to leave?"

"Sadly, yes my darling."   
He presses a kiss to my forehead 

"How soon?"

"As soon as possible."

I look up at him and raise my eyebrow  
"How long is ASAP?"

"Within the next 2 hours."

"Oh so you have some time?"

"A little bit, why? What are you thinking?"

"Im thinking that i know just what could fill that time…"

He leans down so his lips are at my neck and begins to press soft kisses there, i moan.  
"How exactly do you propose we fill this time?"

"I think you already have the idea."

"Oh good. Because i think i have the advantage."

He kisses up my neck to the spot behind my ear   
"And just how do you have the advantaaaaahhh yess. Right there."

"See… im never wrong."

He lifts me so i am pinned against the wall and my legs are wrapped around his waist.  
"Im going to take you right here, where you are at my mercy and mine alone."  
His voice drops an entire octave which only serves to enflame my passion more.

-  
2 and a half weeks later  
(John's POV.)

I hear the door bell ring, Mary is feeding Harry so i answer the door, where i found one of the neighbours Mrs Whitney, crying.

"Oh my God, Mrs Whitney! Are you alright? Come in, come in."

I lead her into the kitchen so she can calm down.  
"J-j-Josh... He's g-gon missing"  
She breaks down again, more tears cascading down her face.

It was known that Josh took drugs and that he would go missing into empty buildings every so often but this time it was longer than usual.

"Where was his last address Mrs Whitney?"  
I handed her a pen an a piece of paper and she writes down the address- still too traumatised to speak. 

"Mrs Whitney, I'm going to go to this address and look for Josh. If i find him i will bring him straight back to you.   
I need you to go home and make yourself a cup of tea to calm down and you nee to get some sleep.  
Ok?"

"Y-yes. Thank you ever s-so much J-john."

"Its absolutely fine Mrs Whitney. Remember, i said that i would help you if he ever went missing again."  
She stands and i guide her to the front door, with a supportive hand on her shoulder.  
"Remember. Get some rest."

"Thank you Doctor!"

"Its no problem."  
She continues to walk down the street to her home and i shut the door walking into the living room.

"Mary, i have to nip out for a bit, is that alright?"

"Of course! I hope you find him. Josh is a nice boy."

I give Mary a kiss to her head before i grabbed the keys to the car and left.

…  
I drove to the address i was given to find an empty, desolate building- almost decrepit. There was plants growing from the windows and various windows smashed.

I go up the black set of stairs leading to a door- i enter to find the interior similar to the outside, decrepit and old.   
Paint was peeling from the walls and there wast a surface that wasn't covered in dirt and dust. 

I hear a noise and turn to find a man- obviously high, going from his shaking and his eyes- holding a knife at me.

"Get out, b-before i do something- i r-r-regret."

"Im looking for Josh Whitney…"

"G-get out. Before i s-s-stab you."

"Ill give you one last chance-Josh Whitney…"

"Thats it."

I twist his right wrist so e drops the knife and I push my hand into his throat to knock the wind from his lungs before i pull his leg out with my foot so he falls to the floor.

I get down to his level  
"Josh whitney…"

He just raises an arm and points- the air, still not returning to his lungs.

I follow where he pointed into a room which just had a row of mattresses on the floor, only a few with people on them. I see Josh, i go over to him an try to wake him up

"Josh…Josh!"  
He stirrs slightly and wakes but i hear something from the next mattress- a Familiar voice.

"Hello John."  
I turn to see…Sherlock! On the mattress, in a track suite with some stubble and very disheveled hair.

"What the bloody hell?!"

I drag them both to the car, shouting at Sherlock

"What the bloody hell where you doing in there?!!!"

"Im under cover."

"No your not!"

He huffs and starts with a childlike whine.  
"Well, I'm not nooow!"

"Does Neave know about this?!"

"Of course she does."

"She knows that you've been taking drugs."

I put them both in the passenger seats  
"Well no but…"

"But nothing Sherlock!"

"Where are we going."

"Were going to take /him/ back to his mother-"  
He points to Josh

"And /you/ are going to St Barts!"

-  
(In St Barts- Johns POV)  
*phone*  
"Hello Neave?"

"Hello, John, how are you?"

"Fins but you need to come to St Barts."

"Why?"

"Its Sherlock, i found him in a crack den."

"HE'S WHAT!  
Ill be there as soon as i can."  
I hang up the phone and proceed to attain Sherlock's urine sample when he exited the toilets.

I hand Molly a urine sample from Sherlock, which she quickly gets a drug kit and tests it- it comes up positive.

She walks over to Sherlock and looks him straight in the eyes before she slaps him, hard- twice.

"How dare you throw away the beautiful gifts you were born with! How dare you betray your friends! Say your sorry!"

He pulls his hand up to sooth the sting  
"Im sorry your angry- though i am grateful for the lack of a ring."

-  
(My POV)

I left the flat and quickly got a cab to St Bart's where i walked to Molly's lab.  
I stood in the door way watching as Molly slapped him. I was absolutely furious!--

"Though i am grateful for the lack of a ring."

"She may not be wearing a ring but i sure as hell am."  
I see his posture become immediately stiff as he recognises my voice- i hear him say to John  
"You didn't…"

"Oh, but he did."  
I walk over to him and slap him myself, twice- just like Molly. This time he hissed with pain.  
I turn to the room  
"If you wouldn't mind, i would like a word with Sherlock."

Every one turns to exit the room and  
I quickly turn to Molly  
"Me and you need to have a chat some time! Its been too long! Congratulations!"  
I kissed her cheek and whispered an  
'Ill call you later'  
I loved Molly, she was like a sister.

I turn back to Sherlock, anger evident in my gaze.  
"Explanation, now!"

He begins to babble slightly.  
I roll my eyes  
"What drug?"

"Heroin."

"Why heroin?! Anything but heroin!"

"What do you mean? You wouldn't be angry if it wasn't heroin?"

"I wouldn't be /as/ angry. There's a difference.  
Heroin, isn't something you eventually get addicted to- your immediately hooked after one use and you will NEVER get that same high as you did when you had that first use. NEVER!  
You said you had to go under cover!"

"I was."

"In a crack den?!"

"Yes."

"You betrayed me! You betrayed John, you betrayed Mary and Molly and Lestrade- even Mycroft!  
You have been found in a crack den- TWICE! You have had problems with morphine! What on earth compelled you to do this?!"

"I thought i could handle it."

"You obviously cant! You may think your indestructible Sherlock but your not! Your human. People die because of heroin!   
Why do you like it Sherlock, why do you keep going back?!"

"It gives me a release. I no longer feel pain. It makes me feel like i can relax- I am happy!"

My eyes begin to tear up  
"And your not happy now?"

"I don't know!"

"You couldn't be trusted with morphine and you have been taking heroin- do i seriously have to watch you Sherlock?   
I love you, Sherlock, i really do but if this drug problem is going to consume your whole life, i am not going to stand and watch you crumble.   
You need to come to a decision whether you happy or not. Come and find me when you do.  
If your not happy, if i cant bring you enough happiness and contentment for you not to fill yourself with drugs to fill a hole- have a nice life Sherlock."

I began to walk out of the lab when he tries to stop me  
"Stop, Neave, please, wait."

"No no no, Sherlock, this is obviously a hard decision. Take all the time you need."

"Please, stop. Im done."

"With what?"

"Drugs. I promise you, i am done."

"Prove it."

He pulls a small packet from his pocket containing white powder- he walks over to the nearest bin and pours it all in, even dropping the packet once the contence was emptied. He holds his arms out.

"Check me."

I walk over to him and check all of his pockets and hiding spaces, padding down his arms and his legs just to make sure.

"Clean?"  
He asks- he already knows the answer.

"Clean."  
He pulls me to him and leans down so he is close to my height  
"Are you aware enough to go home?"

"Im fully functioning, yes."

"Come on then, lets get you home. Im sure you've missed your bed."

"Not really, a mattress on the floor is quite comfortable."

"Im sure it is- when your off your face."

"I do have some sense, my doses weren't that high."

"We'll see, when the withdrawal kicks in."

We walk out of the lab to find everyone standing outside, listening in.  
"Hello, everyone. Molly, you may have your lab back, thank you again.  
John, would you mind taking us home please?"

He looked a little bit anxious but he soon came back into reality.  
"Oh- uh, yes of course."

We left St Bart's and John drove us home- there was an almost deafening silence- i was annoyed and upset and Sherlock looked… indifferent, he looked as if nothing had happened- a little bit angry, yes but maybe that was just what i interpreted- he felt something, he always did, he just never allowed it to show.

When John pulled up outside 221B, i got out of the car and looked at the door   
"Mycroft's here."

"What?"  
John asks, clueless.

Me and Sherlock both answer in unison  
"Doorknob."

Sherlock changes the angle at which it was just to annoy his elder brother on his way out.

I go up the stairs to the flat and open the door, already knowing Mycroft is there.

"Hello Mycroft."  
Sherlock soon follows and then John.  
Mycroft is dressed in his usual, government regulation, 3 piece, grey tailored suite.

"Do i sense some tension brother mine?"

"Don't attempt to be sardonic, brother, it is most unbecoming. "

"So that is a yes then?"

"What do you want Mycroft?"  
I raise my voice slightly

"I see you've found out about Sherlock's little case."

"You know about this?!"

"Of course i do. Im the one who put him onto it- drug cartel- cant say much more I'm afraid."

"/You/ put him onto this?!"

"Yes. Problem?"

I walk up to him to i am about a half a foot away.  
"You knew about his drug abuse and this i what you give him?!"  
My hands began to shake with pure anger

"My plan was not to have him use the drug."

"Oh God, Mycroft, i could slap you.  
You knew what you had put him in and you thought he wouldn't use?  
Do i have to slap you both today?"

"Why don't you just do it?"

"You know why. You work for the government- i would probably get hung."

"Good choice."

"Is that a threat?"  
Sherlock shoots daggers at his brother

"If you were to assault me, yes it is."

Sherlock grabs Mycroft's wrist before twisting it behind his back causing him to hiss in pain while he pushes Mycroft so he is pinned to the wall.  
"Brother mine, don't appall me when I'm high!-"

(That shouldn't be that hot but it instantly turned me on- fuck!)

"- and don't threaten her."

"Get out Mycroft, we can resume thai another time. John i apologise but you too have to go- Mary will text you any moment now anyway but me and Sherlock have some things to discuss."  
John gets the text an Mycroft is released from Sherlock's grip and he nods, straightening himself out and nodding before taking his leave.  
John does the same and leaves us with a goodbye before i lock the door behind them.


	7. I will be the dominant one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is basically the smutty chapter. Enjoy.  
> This does deal with an issue many women have- being unable to climax through masturbation- it is mostly psychological but i wanted to do something which delt with issues some people have.

I grab Sherlock by the collar of his navy polo shirt and kiss him deeply- he, unsurprisingly, makes him clueless.  
"What's going on? Aren't you angry?"

"Of course i am, im more angry than i care to admit but right now i am also extremely aroused so which would you like to deal with first?"

He kisses me again, wasting no time in pinning me to the wall and gaining entrance for his tongue.  
"Why exactly are you suddenly aroused?"  
He continues his assault on my mouth, only stopping so i can speak.

"You pinning your brother to the door was more of a turn on than i had anticipated. I don't even care that your still high but don't you dare think I'm going to be gentle."

"I didnt entertain the idea- your definitely still angry."

"And don't you forget it.  
Oh! One more thing-"

I drag him to our bedroom tearing of his jacket and shirt and pull him down so my lips are at his ear- my voice dropping down to a purr  
"Im going to be the dominant one- I'm angry and turned on, not generally a good combination and i am not letting you get off on dominating me- now strip!"

He does so without question  
"Good boy… now get on the bed, back leaning against the headboard."

He chucks all of the pillows to the floor so they don't obstruct the bed.  
He sits, just as i ask, his impressive length at attention, begging to be touched.

"Now, now Sherlock, what should i do? Should i strip for you? Letting you see exactly what you cant touch  
or do you want me to fuck you like this? Dressed, just like this.  
But ill be nice and help you along a bit with this decision: i think you'll like what i have on underneath.  
So…what will it be? You may speak."

He had his eyes closed and his thighs were tensed- there was only so much self control a man could have.

He takes a deep breath  
"Strip but keep the heels."

"I thought that may be your decision- but Sherlock your going to have to open your eyes, or it will be a terrible waste."

He reluctantly opens his eyes, pupils fully blown.  
I sit in the side of the bed, stroking my hand up his thigh, getting sheer millimetres away from where he needed to be touched and then stroked back down and i continuously repeated this until his breath was heavy and his hands and thighs were trembling.  
"Good boy… do you know what? You look desperate right now, so why don't we say this is your punishment?  
You have to give up all of your dominance and power to me.  
You cant touch unless i give permission and you have to do exactly what i ask.  
On top of that, you cant cum without my permission.  
I think this is /much/ better than an argument don't you?  
I mean, after this, i will have definitely released a lot of tension, so i wont be anywhere near as angry.  
What do you say, is this torture enough?"

He says nothing  
"You may speak."

"Yes. Oh God- please, touch me, anything."

"Good, i'm glad you agree.  
I am touching you darling. I could touch you in a more sensitive area but i don't think i want that just yet."  
He groans out of frustration. 

I get up from the bed and begin to slowly strip:  
First the white blouse, undoing each button slowly, as to reveal the black and red, lace bra i had bought.  
I turned around and unzipped the back pencil skirt which revealed the weapons which would have him begging to touch, i dropped the skirt to the floor so he could fully see what i had on- black 4 inch Mary Jane's with black stockings and suspenders with a matching set of black and red lace lingerie.

I had never tried anything like this with him before- i had never even tried the sexy underwear routine so this was new.  
"Sherlock… i know your back early most times so i went shopping, i had a plan Sherlock, but sadly you had other plans."

I kneel on the bed and straddle him so he is completely under my control.  
I kiss him fiercely, allowing him a small outlet of sexual frustration.

I break the kiss, mind slightly lust clouded.  
"You've been such a good boy Sherlock… you will be rewarded soon enough but first- your so turned on it hurts, i think its time you arouse me to my very limit- if you do it just as well as i know you can, i will let you have a little present, ok?  
If you try to take control, you will be punished."

He nods and begins his task- he begins with exactly what i want- he begins to kiss my neck… all the way up my neck, just the way i want him to- he begins with the little spots on my neck, building up to the most pleasurable spot: behind my ear and he gets the pavlovian he was expecting- me moaning and gyrating slightly against his aching cock.

"Good boy… as a reward you may touch without permission"

He takes full advantages and explores everything he has in front of him- seeming to cling more to my thighs at the sight of the stockings and suspenders.

"So you like this little outfit, hmm?  
Do you want to take it all off me?  
Do you want to tear it of?  
What would you do then? Would you touch, lick, groap?"

I move my knickers to one side, about to finally have Sherlock inside me but instinct takes over- i feel like i had to give myself release and allow him to watch, it was absolutely the filthiest thing I've ever done but i could never climax by masturbation- i had never felt this wet by masturbation and this may have been my only chance to finally scream Sherlock's name and cry out because i was pleasuring myself; Sherlock knew of my troubles with masturbation and so whenever he knew i tried (deduction) he wouldn't talk about it because he knew i was ashamed but he would instead give me the release i couldn't. 

I slowly move my fingers to spread my wetness and i brush my engorged, throbbing clit once before i let out a wanton moan- my moans sounded different, as if i were completely engrossed in pleasure, they were slightly higher in pitch for one- i slide my fingers up and down my soaked lips which felt more and more like i needed to do this, i stroke the outside of my entrance, nothing more, to send volts of pleasure up my spine and as Sherlock watches me I dip 2 fingers inside myself, just quickly the tips of my fingers, in and out to turn myself on some more and tease myself but i pushed my fingers in the rest of the way pumping in and out slowly  
"Oh, my… i want you so bad Sherlock."

I closed my eyes and laced one hand in Sherlock's hair while i rested my forehead against his.

"Oh god yes."

I continued to pleasure myself over Sherlock while he watched- i was in control and he knew that this was extremely important to me so he didn't interfere.

He lent in to kiss me which i returned. He began to speak without permission which i allowed as he was trying to help- bringing the images in my head to more of a reality

"Being inside you, oh god! You feel like heaven, hot, tight and perfect."  
I began to move my fingers inside myself faster, moaning more.

"Sherlock…harder, oh god, yes.  
Touch me, please"  
He touches my clit and handles it like an expert, allowing me to give myself most of the pleasure so the clitoral stimulation was just enough.

"Tell me what your imagining."

"You, bringing me pleasure with your gorgeous cock, oh yes! Going in and out and in and out, over and over, massaging my walls like a sex God- you move like a man born to be a lover. Your noises as you are inside of me, the way you worship my body with your tongue which does indescribable things to me--  
A little more, please."  
I change the angle of my fingers more and i feel that one spot inside of me that only Sherlock knows. My fingers touch it slightly and i almost faulter. I repeatedly, thrust my fingers harder into me, chasing after release, i try to touch that spot inside and it feels like heaven to make myself feel this way after years of trying- making myself climax, to the thoughts of Sherlock- it makes me feel…good. Very, very good.

I feel the coil get tighter inside of me until i am on the edge of pure bliss where i pull Sherlock's hair and my fingers seem to hit directly on the spot inside of me and i come with a cry of Sherlock's name-continuing to pump my fingers to ride out the high. I slow my fingers and eventually take them out of my soaked channel once the orgasm high had dissipated, where i stayed breathless for a few moments before Sherlock took my hand and placed my fingers in his mouth, sucking my juices from them.

I remember that Sherlock hasn't even been pleasured yet, i try and snap out of my dazed state but there is a constant state of relaxation and happiness at that moment.  
"Sherlock… are you ready?"

He moan a 'yes' wile finishing of sucking my fingers. When he lets my fingers go i kiss him tenderly over and over while i lower myself onto his length and when he bottoms out, he groans.

I ran my fingers through his hair when i began to move. I laced both of my hands with his own and allowed the passion to build.  
"Your not angry any more?"  
Not really a question to ask at this moment in time but its him, thats how he is.

"No, why?"

"You have a right to be."

"No i don't, i love you."  
His eyebrows furrowed- he had only seen me like this once before and it was the first time we made love- when we were 30 and lost our virginity 2 years into our relationship (he never showed an interest in woman and i was to self conscious to open up to anyone. It just kind of happened, we were both broken and alone, this act seemed to solidify our feelings and create a bond of being desired, being wanted.)-  
I was in a state of complete euphoric bliss, with no depression or sadness, just happiness and the feeling of being in love.

I just rolled my hips in a way that made me purr and Sherlock moan. I was just smiling, i felt absolutely fantastic, he unlaced a hand from my own to push some hair from my face before he kissed me tenderly, sweetly and whispered  
"You look beautiful like this. Keep going my darling. Just like that."

I sped up the movement of my hips to provide more pleasure for him and myself as i felt my 2nd orgasm approaching.

"Sherlock, baby…hmm"

"Im so close my darling."

"Come Sherlock, my love."

"Follow me."  
He kisses my neck again.  
I roll my hips a few more times before i cum, moaning my release. Sherlock cum's straight after with the feeling of my walls clamping around him pulling him over- with a strangled yell.

We lay there for a while, resting our foreheads on one another so we could get our breath back- i spent most of it looking into Sherlock's eyes, stroking his face- my hand on his cheek. 

I pull off of him so i can lie next to him  
"Can you grab me a pillow please?"  
He does so and grabs one for himself so we can be comfortable

"I'm sorry Sherlock."

"For what?"

"The things i said earlier, some of them weren't fair."

"Don't worry, i deserved it, i still do.  
They weren't anywhere near as bad as what i have heard in the past. I needed that kick in the arse."

I hug him tightly  
"Thank you."

I pull back and kiss him just as tenderly as before.  
"Your a good kisser Sherlock."

"Oh my darling, you should be on the receiving end of one of your kisses, when its passionate, it feels like I'm being tongue fucked."

"Tongue fucked?"

"Yes. I do use vulgar language my darling but that is the only analogy which fits."  
I continued to kiss him, i loved being kissed by him.

"Sherlock?"

"Yes?" He smiles brightly at me

"Did i actually just come?… through masterbation?."

He pulls me close, seeming genuinely happy.  
"Yes, my darling. Im so proud of you. It was so arousing to watch you pleasure yourself .  
Im very, very proud of you. Ive never seen you like this since we made love and lost our virginity to one another, your even kissing me more."

"Sorry about that, i know I'm slightly clingy at the best of times."

"Don't apologise! I love that you feel like this. Your not at all 'clingy' i love to be close to you, for you to want to be touched by me, it shows your love.-- that orgasm was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

"I doubt it."

"Are you calling me a liar?" 

"No, of course not…  
I'm sorry for what i said at the lab, I really am- i just… care and i don't want you bringing yourself to destruction from drugs- i know they're your weakness but i know why you take them."

"Ive already said- i don't like repeating myself but i needed it even if i didn't like it. I know you care and I'm sorry that i keep bringing you into this but i cant just stop- it keeps crawling back into my mind- it makes me feel something else, something I've only ever felt a hand full of times before."

"What would that be?"

"Clarity- complete clarity, no noise, no words. Everything just seems to fall into place. It is a moment of blue sky through the clouds. The fog begins to clear- and that has only happened a few times before and even then, for it to happen it has to be under certain circumstances."

"When?"

"It only happens when i extremely-for lack of a better word- 'stuck' with a case, when my mind is blank, when everything is at a dead end- when I find release in those moments of complete darkness there is a beacon of knowledge and thought that i otherwise couldn't access because i had a mental release as well as a physical one."

"So you feel the same clarity when high-every time you use it- to when your completely at a dead end and you climax? Which only happens when your stuck, not when you have rough ideas?"

"Partially. Your close. It cant just be ejaculation. It has to be ejaculation through intercourse otherwise it doesn't work- i figured that out quite early. "

"Only through sex?"

"Yes. Thats what confuses me. It has to be through intercourse with you otherwise it doesn't work but i have no idea why. Thats why you've woken up a few times with me trying to seduce you before you had gained full consciousness."

"That clears some things up then.  
It worries me."

He looks questioningly at me, with one eyebrow raised ever so slightly  
"What?"

"The fact that you don't know- you know everything."

"Not everything- just the useful stuff, everything else gets deleted.  
Honestly, it scares me too. I still have no idea about you really, why anything and everything you do has an effect upon me, the way you:  
Smile  
Dress  
Talk  
Walk  
Act - i still have nothing about you."

"That is a good thing, is it not?"

He smiles  
"If not a slight distraction, yes it is."  
He kisses my forehead. 

I begin to draw small circles with my index finger upon his chest while he runs his finger under one of the straps on my bra.

"Why don't we try and bring some clarity hmm? But this time under different circumstances…"  
I start to drift my hand lower.  
His abdomen tenses and he chuckles slightly before quickly flipping himself so he is hovering over me.

"Are you sure thats a good idea? Im still high and. I said to my dear brother not to appall me and i look at you now and i am feeling awfully appalled now because you have had 2, gorgeous climaxes and- while you look ravishing in this little outfit- you are still dressed. Now if you choose to continue, i will have to ravish you and take of every little stitch that you have on… would you like that."

I moan  
"Mr Holmes, you forget! I have the power! You cant just take it away, you will be punished…"

"Oh, darling. Ill take the risk!"  
He dives straight for my neck, going immediately for the most sensitive spot  
-


	8. Withdrawl and therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10 smutt … maybe. For now, enjoy.

1 week later- 

"So, how are you feeling?"

This was our therapy. What Sherlock had promised me to do everyday, just to run through how i felt- it was also what i brought Sherlock into when the withdrawal had subsided from the heroin abuse.

-  
Flashback. 

"Oh God. Its too hot! Untie me woman!"

I had tied him up when he first showed signs of aggression due to his withdrawal kicking in- he threw a lamp to the floor and screamed at me when i wouldn't tell him where his cigarettes were-i knew he wouldn't hurt me but it was just incase he tried to leave because lord knows i couldn't stop him doing so and he may have hurt someone else to get a fix- he knew how to fight.

"Sweetie, its alright, your absolutely fine, its 10 degrees in here! Your not even wearing your shirt.  
You know i cant do that."  
I press a cold flannel to his forehead.

"Im disorientated. Why wont you just untie me?!"

"Again, withdrawal Sherlock and no, not until your not aggressive."  
He let out a long, impatient groan.

"For the love of God woman!   
Get me a fag."

"A.) your not smoking in here   
B.) your quitting  
C.) I do have a name  
D.) its a cigarette, not a fag."

"Oh whatever!   
I need some! Get me some!  
Ill use your name when you have something of use to me."

"Someones being awfully rude! I could just leave you here and not let you have any company- I've been sat here for the past 3 hours- your only getting worse."

He changes the course of the conversation  
"Why is it this bad! Ive never had this any of the other times!"

"Tolerance- higher dosages. You've gotten used to the lower ones so you upped the dose- your withdrawal is worse."  
His breathing sounded laboured, heavier, as if he couldn't breathe.

"Sherlock, are you alright? You sound like you cant breathe."

"If i say no, will you untie me?"

I give him a stern look.  
"Sherlock..."

"Im fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes- withdrawal."  
He groans out of frustration once again, twisting against the scarfs that had him tied.  
"-Im going insane!"

"Be careful! You'll hurt yourself! those scarfs aren't cheap."

"Please untie me and ill calm down!"

"No you wont." 

"I will! Just untie me!"

"If i untie you, will you stop complaining and calm down?"

"Is that what your most concerned about? I thought you would care more about me running past you and using again."

"You know if you use again, ill leave- you wouldn't dare take that risk…"  
I look at his arms tracing the, now faint, needle marks on his arm, i kiss each one lightly.

He sighs, defeated- he knew it was true. He took a deep breath.  
"Please, untie me."

"Fine, but please. Don't make me regret doing so."  
I take the cold flannel from his forehead, quickly wiping the beads of sweat from his neck and face before placing it on his bedside table.  
I slowly undo the knots of each scarf which bound his wrists and let him free.

Then and only then, i could see his hands were shaking slightly. I massage each wrist to help sooth any marks.  
He let out a long sigh of relief  
"Thank you."

"No problem. Are you ok?"

"I feel like I'm in hell."

"Withdrawal, giving the great Sherlock Holmes a biblical experience!- if not one that sounds like something from The Old Testament."

"Don't try and be clever. You have no idea how this feels."  
I wiped away the sweat on his neck with the flannel.

"I know. Im sorry sweetie."

He looks confused  
"Sorry?"

"Yes… I'm sorry. Its an apology."

"But why? I wasn't expecting it."

"Because there is nothing worse than someone saying they know how you feel when they never will- only you know how you feel."

"Oh. "  
He rolls over on to his side in a slightly more curled up position- he was controlling his breathing now.

"Your shaking…"  
It was painful watching him like this…even if he was slightly rude.

"Thank you for that observation Neave, i must make a mental note of that."  
I took a deep breath- so hard not to be annoyed.

"Alright Sherlock, thats enough."

"What?"  
He said rather indignantly. 

"With the arsey comments. Ive let you get away with a few things. Please stop- its not nice."

"Oh shut up!"

"Oh my God! Im trying to help you an you're being a complete arse hole!"

He says something under his breath.

"Excuse me!"

"Fuck off!"  
He shouts it.

"You can deal with this by yourself! Prick!"  
I walk out of the room and slam the door. 

I storm to the place where i had hidden his fags- in the fireplace (it was only used at christmas)- and take one out- i didn't even smoke for christ sake!- i light it with great difficulty, opting to use a match in the end. 

Unsurprisingly i choke myself on the fumes the first time i inhale.  
I open the window and smoke out of it so not to make the flat smell of smoke.   
I only get half way through before i put it out- i begin to feel a little bit sick- yet i was much calmer.

I check the clock- half an hour- ill give him half an hour. 

… i go back into our bedroom. 

"How are you feeling?"  
I don't sit on the edge of the bed this time.

"I smell smoke. Why do i smell smoke?"

"How do you feel Sherlock?"

"Have you been smoking?"

"Thats not what i asked. How are you feeling."

"Less irritable if thats what your asking. Now. Have you been smoking?"

"Yes, your point?"

"You don't smoke- you never have."

"Yes, well, theres a first time for everything."

"You told me you would never smoke because you know what it does to you."

"Half a cigarette isn't going to make too much of a difference Sherlock. Ill deal with the consequences in 30 years."

"You've smoked?"

"Yes, i thought we'd clarified that."

"Why?"

I put my hands up in indignation   
"I don't know, i needed to relax."

"Is this going to be a regular occurrence?" 

I roll my eyes.  
"Im a grown woman Sherlock, incase you haven't noticed.   
Im not your property, i can do what i want."

"You are mine. I own you."

"Excuse me! Say that again! This better be the withdrawal talking!"

He leans up from the bed, looking straight at me- his eyes looking bloodshot  
"I own you!"

I scream at him. I have never been so furious in all of my life- the accent i mostly concealed, coming out to its full effect- Sherlock seemed to jump as soon as i opened my mouth.  
"I AM NOT PROPERTY!   
I WILL NEVER BE OWNED BY ANYONE!  
DONT YOU DARE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!   
I AM NOT YOURS OR ANYONE ELSES TO OWN!   
IF YOU THINK I AM GOING TO LET THIS GO, YOU ARE SO FAR FROM THE MARK! -"  
I pull the ring from my left hand and chuck it at him- it lands on his legs.  
My face covered in my own tears- my chest was extremely tight, i was having a panic attack, an extremely bad one at the 

"THERE HAVE IT BACK!   
DONT YOU DARE THINK I WILL BE SEEN AS A PEICE OF PROPERTY!  
Come and find me when you've sobered up you patriarchal arse hole!"

I storm out of the room, shaking. Sherlock tries to follow.

"Get away from me!  
If i dare find out that you've went out and used again- you and me are done, completely. Stay here. /Do not/ follow me!"

He just stops- looking petrified- utterly speechless.   
He begins to whisper.  
"No, please. Don't do this."  
He reaches an arm out to cup my face, i stop him. 

"Don't. Just… don't follow me."  
I put on my coat and storm out the door, slamming it before running onto the streets of London.   
I knew very little of the streets, even after this long- it didn't matter, i couldn't breath and i was getting very dizzy- i was finding it hard to walk- i had to find an ally and quickly. 

I find a small ally behind our building and i have to breath- i couldn't breath, i was suffocating, panicking- i was going into lockdown. It felt like i was on fire from the inside. There was no air, only gasps.

I eventually collapsed onto the floor. I was there- suffocating for a few minuets- nothing but my own gasps audible. I pulled at everything at my neck to try and breath but it felt like nothing. 

I hear small footsteps in the ally- i look up as much as i can- Mrs Hudson.  
She sees me struggling to breath and rushes to my side.

"Neave! Deerie, do you need an ambulance?"

"Yes!… i cant breath."

She phones the ambulance and tries to shout   
"SHERLOCK!"

She then rings him

He wouldn't hear… he did- no! He cant know.   
I can no longer speak, just gasp. I see something coming around the corner- i black out.

…  
'Not again! Ive been here more times than I've been at home.'  
Im in the hospital, yet again. 

I open my eyes to the ward. The doctor was at the bottom of the bed.

"Good afternoon Miss Camden."

I remove the oxygen mask from my face  
"What happened?"

"You had a severe panic attack, your body couldn't cope and eventually you passed out."

"Can i leave?" 

"Yes, but i would stay for about an hour. Your blood sugar is very low- when was the last time you ate?"

"2 days ago maybe?"

"Ill get the nurse to fetch some food."

"Thank you."

"You have some visitors by the way." 

"Who?"

"A Mr and Mrs Holmes along with a Mr Watson i believe."

"No Mr Holmes? tall, pale?"

"No, I'm afraid not. Miss."  
My heart was crushed. He didn't even come to see me… he's gone back to heroin.

"Ok, thank you, could you give me 10 minuets please?"

"Of course."

10 minuets eventually pass and Mr and Mrs Holmes walk in, with some flowers and a card- they sadly cannot stay, they have to be at bingo in a half hour so they dropped the two things off and left.   
I read the card- it was from Sherlock.

'Dear Neave,  
I have decided to do it like this because i never have been good with words but i wanted you to know:

I don't love you.   
I never have- it has all been an experiment to see if i could feel affection for another human being, i cant- or maybe it was just you.  
Non of it was real, not a single shred of emotion was real. You should have listened to other people, they were right, i am a sociopath.

It has taken me 6 years to finally see you break, but i did it, i just needed to break your heart.

I wont humour you and say that i even found you attractive- i never have- you were just the most isolated, vulnerable person i knew, you were perfectly unattached. I never knew it would take me 6 years to draw a conclusion- i gave you more time, your not exactly easy to love.  
\- Sherlock'

I just died inside, everything i felt just… died, i felt completely empty- i just wanted to die, right there and then.

I curled myself into a ball and went into a complete meltdown. I went back to the coping mechanism i used while in school- i pulled my hair slightly with my hands fisted in the roots- i just kept pulling until it hurt too much and i let go. 

John walked into the room, finding me in this sate.  
"Neave?"  
I didn't answer

"Are you alright?"  
No answer. 

He picks up the letter at my feet and reads it- looking himself a little bit shattered.  
He says nothing but instead walks away- where too i do not know.

\-----------------------------------  
John's POV  
\-------------------------------------

She was lying there, pulling her hair- she was completely gone now- completely shattered.

'Sherlock, what had you done?'

I read the letter- it broke my heart to think that Sherlock had done this to her- everything on that letter was a lie!   
Ive never seen him as happy solving a case as when he's with her- she makes him the happiest I've ever seen any given man, let alone Sherlock.   
She has her problems and so did he but neither of them deserved to feel like this. 

He lied! But why?!   
I have to call Sherlock…

"John?"

"Listen here you bastard! Tell me what the hell is going on now!"

I hear him suppress something in his voice   
"You've read the letter have you not?"

"Yes."

"Then you are well aware of the situation."

"Cut the shit. She is the best thing that has happened to you! You know that! You both love each other!"

"John, dont be silly."

"You've broken that girl Sherlock. She is completely gone! Shes not talking. Shes lying in a ball on the /hospital/ bed, pulling at her own hair- refusing to talk. She looks completely numb! Her face looks empty! She looks like if she leaves this hospital she is going to finish what she didn't the last time you hurt her."  
I hear the phone go silent for a few moments, only a few noises audible- crying… he's crying.

"She wont. She's religious, she knows the passage about suicide."

"But what does it say about pulling at your hair until it falls out, causing bruising on your own limbs and not eating?  
Why did you do this Sherlock?"

His hard fought resolve faded  
"I always hurt her. Everything always goes wrong because of me. She needs me not to love her. She's safer without me. The sooner she accepts that, the better."

"No Sherlock, she needs you! She is in more danger from herself without you than she is with you.   
She would do anything for you- she puts up with a lot Sherlock- she loves you!  
Do not just leave her to let herself run out of reasons to live! You are her only reason for her to stay alive- you make her feel the way she never has- she told me that, 3 years ago Sherlock! Imagine how much she feels now! You asked her to marry you!  
GET TO THE HOSPITAL NOW!"  
I shouted the last line- he was going to apologise and grovel for this girl whether he liked it or not.

"Why?"

"Dear God Sherlock, if you do not get down to St Bart's bloody hospital, i will, myself murder you! I will drag you down here and make you see what you've done to this girl! You cannot avoid this!  
This will always end in everyone you love, making you see what you have done to her."  
He hangs up the phone- if he is not here in a half hour, i will bring him down here myself. 

I go back onto the ward- she is still exactly the same… i text someone who i know will cheer her up. It wont take her long. 

"How are you feeling?"  
She looks at me but doesn't say a word.   
I look at her chart and see that her blood sugar is down.

I look up at her again to see her signing something to me- she taught me some basic B.S.L when i was younger, to help communicate with a child. 

She points to herself. She makes a circle with her hand on her chest.   
'I'm sorry' 

"Don't be sorry. This is not your fault.   
You don't have to talk if you don't want to. "

I see someone familiar in the corner of my eye. I turn my head and its Sherlock. She doesn't see him for the curtain covering that side of the bed. 

I talk to him.   
"I hope your proud of yourself.   
Do you know any B.S.L?"

"No why should i?"

"Good luck, its the only way shes tried to communicate so far."  
He sighs and looks to the floor for a moment. I exit the room.

\------------------------------------  
My POV  
\------------------------------------

I see John walk off again- by the looks of it, their is someone behind the curtain. 

The silhouette from behind the curtain comes into the room- no longer a shadow. 

He looks normal, if not indifferent.   
I am, still, curled into the ball.   
I say but a few words, barely audible ones at that.  
"You don't love me?"

"No."

The grip on my hair got tighter.  
"Have you ever loved me?"

And again, tighter- distracting from reality.   
"No."

My face was blank, lifeless. I felt nothing but pain and anger- so much anger- but there were no tears. 

"How do you feel?"  
Nothing.

"Saying nothing will not get you anywhere."  
Silence. 

John walks into the room.  
He looks angered by Sherlock- why?

"Have you told her?"

"I nod."

He looks sternly at Sherlock.  
"The truth?!"

Sherlock says nothing.   
John looses patience immediately and twists Sherlocks hand behind his back so he is bent over the bed, the end of the bed, sharply digging into his abdomen.

"Tell her."

"I have John! Let me go!"

"Tell her the truth!"

He twists his wrist harder.  
"Ahh! Fine!"

John releases him and he stands, trying to shake the pain from his wrist.  
He sits on the edge of my bed and placed a hand on my knee.  
"I told you i didn't love you because…your better off without me. You get hurt, constantly and i cannot stop that. I needed…need you not to love me- to hate me."

I believed him but at the same time it was just an excuse.   
He looks like he was going to cry.

I weakly tugged on the material of the sleeve of his Belstaff, he takes notice and looks. I pull slightly more and he leans down to pull me in to a hug- a tight warm hug. I still felt so completely numb, i still felt worthless- like he didn't love me, like he never had, as if it were an experiment- it felt so mind numbingly awful but i couldn't cry! 

The hug made me feel safe. He whispered  
"I love you."  
I just pulled him tighter- i couldn't trust myself to say it back to him because i didn't know if he actually meant it- if he had ever meant it; what if i was just the most vulnerable girl he could find? What if i was just impossible to love?

-  
Now

"So how do you feel?"  
He asked.  
I was in the usual position:  
He was in his chair and i was straddling his legs, sat on him, with my arms around him and my head in his neck.

I still hadn't said 'i love you'   
He knew why. He had always known. He even admitted that the letter was heartless, it was the worst thing he could have ever said to me. He could have called me worthless, ugly, fat and it wouldn't have made me feel like this.  
I had never even kissed him again- not properly, on the lips.

My talking was very limited since then, i felt crushed, constantly because it could have been so true, it may be so true.   
I only spoke freely in moments like this, or when i was asked something.

I chose today to admit how i actually felt.  
"Angry. Extremely angry, i cant cry. I feel empty. I cant let anything i feel out. I feel completely numb, as if those are the only things i can feel."  
He cards his fingers through my hair. 

"Come on. I know how to release your anger."

"What?"

"Just get dressed in your gym clothes."

"Im not going to the gym at 11 o'clock at night."

"Were not, were going to Mycroft's house."

"Why?"

"He has a fully functioning gym and we are allowed free reign."

"Since when?"

"I deduced you would admit this. You always have looked angry, you have showed no emotion and you need something to release that emotion. I.e gym."

-  
*Mycroft's gym*

Mycroft pulls out my IPod and plugs it into the dock.  
"Whats the most angry song you have?"

"Just go to slipknot and press shuffle, the majority of them are angry."

*before i forget* 

"Fine we'll start with the treadmill- you need to stretch."

 

"Vigourous or light stretching?"

"Whichever works best."

I lie on my back with on of my legs up.  
"Come on Sherlock, be of use."  
He rolls his eyes and places one hand on my knee and one on the heel of my trainer and stretches my calf and thigh muscles.  
I switch legs and he does the same with the other one. 

"Wrap your arms around my waist please."

"Why?"

"Stretching."  
He does so incredulous.

"Do you have a good grip of my waist?"

"Of course i do."

I begin to bend backwards   
"What are you doing?"

"Stretching my abdominal, arm and leg thigh muscles."

"Since when have you ever been this flexible."

"Always, you've just never seen me do anything."

"Why not?"

"Its never came up and you've never asked me to bend over backwards for you."

"Should i?"

"Not the most sensitive thing Sherlock considering what the aim of this actually is."

He looks slightly sheepish now  
"Oh, sorry."  
I sigh.

"No its fine. Its just me going off on one again. Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"So your not going to be suprised?"

"No."

I bend over backwards with my arms out to the floor, i keep bending until my palms touch the floor and my weight is stabilised so i can hold myself up.  
Sherlock's arms remain firm.  
I hold the position for about 20 seconds.

"Sherlock, i need help standing from this so i need you to pull me up and i will do the rest."

He pulls his arms up so they are supporting my body weight until i get my own legs to take over.   
"Impressed?"

"Naturally. your talking."  
I roll my eyes.

"Just one more and then we can get on."  
I have to remove my trainers for this so i am just standing in my socks so it is easier to do this.   
I slowly move my feet so they slide and i eventually just let my self drop to the floor- one leg in front and one leg behind me. 

"Count to 20 please."  
Sherlock looks horrified.

"You look creeped out!"

"I didn't know you could do this!"

"It hasn't come up."

"20. "

"Thank you."  
I get up to stand, replacing the trainers

"I must take full advantage next time…dancing?"

"Exactly… well, an attempt at dancing. It didn't last long.  
Treadmill?"

"Yes"  
We continue working out- how this was meant to help, i do not know.

-  
"Brilliant. Now could you please put the gloves on."

He hands me some boxing gloves and i put them on- he has to, of course, help me with the other one. 

"Good. Now punch me."

"What?! No!"

"I didn't think you would- it was worth a try.   
Punching bag."  
He goes to change the song- he just presses shuffle.

*freak like me*   
"Punch. Just keep punching. Ill hold it still."

I do as i'm told- i see what he's doing.  
He's trying to let my anger out on the bag.   
We stop after about 5 minuets- my arms slightly soar. 

He then moves me onto a 'rope machine' you have to pull a length of rope at different difficulties. 

*from the inside*  
He sets it on level 10 and allows me to work, cranking it up another level when he sees fit- my arms quickly tire and so des every muscle in my upper body . Every time he cranks it up, i have to pull harder and it means that after a while, you have to push with your feet to help you pull it down.

At level 19 i am sweating much more than i normally would. My arms are on fire!   
"Keep going!"

"Im tired! My arms are absolutely killing."

"Keep going. Your still angry."

"No im not."

"Yes you are. Keep going!"  
I continue and he cranks up the level once more.

*human* 2:50

I continue until about 3/4 of the way through the song and i begin to shatter. I collapse to the floor and chuckle out of complete exhaustion… the chuckles quickly turn to me crying. 

The tears finally come down my face an the sobs become audible.   
Sherlock comes to my side and picks me up so he is holding me.   
I cling to him.  
"Why am i crying."

"You couldn't cry because you were angry. When you get rid of the anger, this is what is left: pain, fear and vulnerability."

I stupidly start spilling out what i really felt, what had been holding me back. My head was buried in his chest.  
"You don't love me… you never have, you faked everything..."  
He strokes my head and holds me tighter.

"I do. I love you. I always have, and i will continue to do so until my heart ceice's to beat."

"You used me!"

"I promise you, i haven't!-"  
He takes my face in his hands so i am looking him straight in the eyes.

"-I love you."  
I believed him! I don't know why but i believed him!   
I didn't want to think he was right but he definitely wasn't wrong.

I run my hands through his hair  
"I love you too."  
I crash my lips against his in a bruising kiss. I felt a beaming smile across his face, i could even feel the damp of a tear from his face, on my cheek.  
We continued to kiss, i had missed his lips upon my own.  
I finally gain access for my tongue which gets a pavlovian response.  
I only break the kiss to speak  
"Is. Mycroft. Or. Alana. Home?"

"Yes… why?"

"Do you think they'd let us borrow a room?"

He hums in response, chuckling ever so slightly.  
"Little vixen."

"Oh, god. I want you so badly Sherlock."

"And you shall have me."  
He pulls me up, never disconnecting his lips from my own- he pulls me through the huge house that Mycroft, somehow calls home, and pulls me up the stairs.

"Shouldn't we ask first?"

He begins to kiss down my neck  
"No. I said we might need to stay the night- i don't think they care much as to what we get up to. They're both a little bit busy themselves.. Listen."

I hear moaning coming from one of the rooms and a bed squeaking.  
"I think its are turn is it not?"

"Oh god yes! "  
He pulls something from his pocket and slips it onto my ring finger- the engagement ring.

He begins to nibble on my neck.  
"The game, Miss Camden, is on"


	9. How bad?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have noticed that some of the things from my writing perspective have logically led to another thing, however upon re-reading, it doesnt quite have the same effect as it did while writing- this is for all of my chapers, not just this (if you understand what i mean) I.E. some of the things seem to be read differently to how they made sense when written.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 11 smutt again… i had to do the payback story… why not! I am thinking of doing a few flashback stories I.E. first time, First kiss, first date, how they met (in more detail etc.)

"Now, lets get you out of these."

My tone mock shocking  
"Were on the stairs Sherlock-"  
I kiss him fiercely  
"-i thought you had a little bit more self restraint than that…"  
I flutter my eyelashes at him.

"Oh, you know i would have you right here if i didn't know my brother would catch us."

"Oh i was counting on it.  
Bedroom? Where is it"  
He grabs my wrist and pulls me the rest of the way up the stairs and to the left.   
He presses me to the closest wall to the door with his body and pins my hands above my head so my chest is pushed out slightly.

He begins to nibble at my ear and lightly tugs. I whimper his name. He reaches over to open the door with one hand while the other has my wrists pinned. The door opens slightly and he pushes it the rest of the way open before dragging me inside, quickly shutting the door once more.   
I take the chance as one to remove my shoes and my shirt so i am only left standing in my bra and the lycra gym bottoms. 

He turns around, surprised at my quick change. I get to work on his shirt, unbuttoning it to the bottom, pulling the bottom of the shirt from his dress pants.

I push the shirt and his jacket from his shoulders to reveal the pale, tone expanse of his chest.   
I then reach down to unbuckle his belt, pulling it from the loops in his trousers, chucking the belt to the floor.  
He places his hands on my waist and upon my ribs, pushing me towards the bed slightly.   
The back of my legs hit the frame of the 4-poster bed. 

The bed was the live stereotype of the bed of a Tudor king- there were curtains you could pull around the bed for privacy- sheer ones at that and the bed itself was beyond a recognisable size.

I get an idea- i would like to try something new.  
"Lie on the bed please, i want to do something."

He does so incredulous of my request- he rests his back on the headboard.  
I crawl after him in between his legs and lean up to kiss him sweetly, he responds graciously and places his hand upon my cheek as we continue to kiss. I leave one hand to support my self and i drift my other hand downwards towards his thighs. 

I unbutton and unzip his trousers, i then begin to touch his stiff member through his boxers- he jumps, slightly incredulous at the beginning.   
I whisper  
"Shh, go with it. Trust me darling."

He relaxes more and allows me to continue.   
I run my hand up and down his shaft.  
His eyes flutter shut and his head lolls back against the bed, he completely relaxes.   
Once his breathing is more laboured i get to work on my new little idea; i kiss my way down his neck- all the while my hand continued to move- and all the way down his chest, i whisper to him  
"Lie fully on your back, it will make this easier for you."

He snaps out of his haze like state to complete the task and i return to my place between his legs and pull the band of his boxers to unclothe his erection, leaving him still in his dress pants and, mostly, in his boxers. 

I kiss down the 'v' line of his abdomen and his hands shake slightly in their places at each side. I place a soft kiss to his tip and his hips buck forward slightly and his eyes shoot open in shock-not displeasure (i had never given him oral sex before because i had always been conscious of my teeth and i never really knew how to go about the act, whether he would actually like it, whether i would accidentally hurt him etc.)   
I rub small circles on his thighs with my thumb and reassure him, whispering  
"I'm sure, relax, please."  
He relaxes but i can tell he's still unsure about whether i actually want to do this or if I'm doing this just for his pleasure.

I set back to work on him, i kiss the tip once more and run my tongue the length of his shaft- he moans, and loudly.   
I run my tongue around his tip and squeeze his shaft with my hand and i see his eyes flutter shut once more. Finally i take him in my mouth, properly. I take his hard penis down as far as i can and use my hand to cover the rest of him. 

I bob up and down, hollowing out my cheeks as i do so, my hand twisting and moving with the motions of my head, allowing him to move his hips as he wanted to.

His neck was craned back and his hands fisted in the sheets slightly, he was moaning breathless curses and mantras of  
'Yes' and 'oh God'

I continued my actions and i realise, I've missed an area.  
I pull all of the way back up and just swirl my tongue all the way around the tip again and i can see he's painfully close. I continue my work with my hand and place my lips close to his ear   
"Your close aren't you?"

"Oh God, yes. Keep going."

"How badly do you want it?  
How badly do you want to cum?"

"Please…let me-yesss."

"You have to finish your sentence first Sherlock…please let you, what?"

He moans again as my gip gets tighter around his shaft  
"Let me cum."

"See. That wasn't so hard now was it? Unlike something i can mention…  
So /hard/ for me. I can feel you, so hot, hard and /throbbing/ in my hand, so good…oh don't look so desperate baby, i will finish you off, don't you worry about that, Why don't you open your eyes and watch?"  
He does so- his eyes completely black, almost no blue left in them- eyes completely consumed with lust and slightly hooded.

"Good boy, now all you have to do is watch."

I go back down his body an take him in my mouth once more, mirroring what i was doing to him before, up and down over and over- his face was pained with concentration. I use my free hand to his sack and massage his testicles with my thumb and fore finger- all i hear his the extremely loud moan that passes his lips and his hips buck as he finds release- i release my own little whimper, clamping my thighs shut, trying to gain any kind of friction- i continue through his orgasm, draining every last drop from him. As soon as the shallow undulations of his hips stop, i pull off and swallow everything he gave me- i see his thighs tense slightly as he watches me. I wipe the little trickle of saliva that had escaped my mouth with my thumb. I slipped his, now flaccid, penis back into his boxers.

Sherlock's harsh breathing had calmed somewhat but he was still breathless. I lent up and pressed a kiss to his forehead. I feel his arms wrap around me and pull me to i am completely on top of him- he rolls onto his side, eyes shut. 

"That was…you are…Jesus Christ, that was unbelievable."

"So you liked it?"

He pulls me to him and kisses me passionately- made all the better knowing that he could taste himself on my tongue.  
His eyes were fighting the urge to flutter shut.

"You have no idea how spectacular you are…"

"Im glad you enjoyed it- you can rest now"  
I ran my hand through his hair.

He moved so i was pinned underneath him   
"No my darling, its your turn."

I shake my head and push him to his side once more.  
"No its not! Your exhausted, you can deal with me later but now, you need sleep."

"I'll get you for this."

I smirk  
"And i shall eagerly anticipate you doing so."  
I stroke his face with my palm and he pulls me closer to him, nuzzling his head in my neck.   
"Your fantastic…"

I shake my head  
"Sure i am Sherlock- sleep my darling."  
He pulls me so i am comfortable and i fall asleep in his arms and he soon follows.


	10. The first thing i will hear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moriarty's back.... Psst ive already written the chapter which will be set after Reichenbach…muahahaa!

I awoke to the sun streaming through the gargantuan excuse of a window- i got up and drew the curtains, this is one of the reasons i hate mornings! 

I crawl back into bed and snuggle into the living furnace that is, Sherlock- he placed it down to high metabolism (brilliant during the winter but a bloody nightmare during a heatwave.)  
It is absolutely freezing in here!  
To be quite frank, it didn't help i was still in the attire from last night:  
Bra  
Lycra gym pants  
They don't exactly provide much warmth. 

Sherlock stirs and awakens  
"Good morning."  
He manages to pull a smile to his lips

"Morning."  
He places a kiss to my cheek and i do the same to his.  
"-you seem in a good mood."

"as i should be."

I raise an eyebrow  
"Why?"

He pulls me so my chest is pressed against his.  
"Because you performed some rather explicit acts last night, which left me so exhausted i couldn't do anything for you and that now means that this morning, the one of the very first things i will hear are you climaxing."

"And that makes you happy does it?"

"It pleases me greatly." 

I smirk and slap his arm playfully.  
"Oh! You outrageous man… always in the gutter! but since what i did for you last night, you seemed to enjoy so much I think its only fair i have a request, is it not?"

He begins to work on my neck, only releasing to speak  
"That seems reasonable enough, what would my darling like?"  
I was trying to keep focused but he knew how to work my neck perfectly he latched on to the hollow at the bottom of my throat, i craned my neck back-  
I let out a hiss of pain.

Sherlock looks slightly concerned.  
"Whats wrong."

"Nothing, just a sore neck- i must gave slept in a funny position."

"Come here…"  
He turns me around so my back is to him and pulls me up so i am kneeling… damn it! Ive been turned on since last night! Why did i say something.

Sherlock must sense my tone  
"Don't worry, we'll get there, i promise."

He wraps a hand around my neck- my breath gets caught, not ready for the unexpected grip… would it be wrong if i said i liked how this felt…really liked it, as in 'fuck me now' like it?  
(I was learning more and more frequently that anything to do with my neck was a turn on.) 

He uses his thumbs to massage the back of my neck, the relief felt spectacular and i let him work his magic, putting pressure in the right areas to make me moan in appreciation.  
I feel him count my vertebrae  
"Sherlock what are you doing?"

He kisses behind my ear and stroke the side of my neck softly as reassurance…more like a fucking aphrodisiac.  
"Don't worry, just trust me."  
His hands move back to their positions prior, one hand on my neck and the other counting the vertebrae in my upper back. 

"Ok…be caref-ahhhhh! Sherlock Yess!"  
My back arched backwards and my eyes rolled into the back of my head, my mouth slightly agape and hands shaking which could mean one thing- he had done something to my back and i think…think…i just…i dont even know…

I hear his deep throated chuckle at my deep inhalations- that had just about rendered me breathless.  
"What was that?"

"Just a little experiment…"  
I could still feel some slight pangs of pleasure in my spine-his hands were still in place, pushing exactly as he had before.

"My God! Sherlock, what was…how did you even?-"

He places his lips next to my ear  
"When manipulated correctly, your spine sends out chemical signals which cause the body to have a sudden burst of dopamine…now we both know what that is don't we?"

I reply as a whisper  
"The chemical released during sex…its pleasure."

"Good girl…i have wanted to do that for a very long time now… i learnt how to do that, just. For. You.  
How did it feel?"

"Spectacular."

"Good…i told you this would go somewhere- i don't lie. Would you like me to give you more."

I just bite my lip…i was speechless.  
He applies pressure to the vertebrae again  
"Yess…mmm. Please, Sherlock, i need you."  
He releases the pressure once more and i sigh in relief- the way he was speaking, his hands on my neck, the tightness of his grip and whatever the hell, he done to my back had succeeded in making me completely wet, I'm surprised it hadn't begun to form a patch on the gym pants.

He clamps his hands onto my ribs, hard. I placed my hands over his to encourage him to apply more pressure. He does, groaning at my compliance and obvious liking for a…firmer touch. 

He runs one up to my neck and cranes it so i can kiss him deeply while the other runs down my abdomen and down to my gym pants where he undoes them with deliberate slowness while we kiss.  
"Take them off."

"Only if you follow…it mustn't be comfortable keeping yourself confined like that…"  
I begin to grind my hips back to his, against the obvious erection that I've felt since he began kissing my neck,  
He groans and i feel his hips gyrate to my own and i reach a hand behind me to undo his pants. 

I slowly get up from the bed and peel the bottoms from my skin, keeping my back to him but i made sure i watched his reactions- as the pants were dropped to the floor, he got a full view of my pale bottom, covered in black lace and i saw his eyes shine with awe and lust both. 

I go back to the bed where i take his hand and lead him to stand, he looks at my face with utter reverence before placing his hand upon my cheek and leaning down for a kiss once more. I push the dress pants down to the floor before hooking a finger in his boxers and tugging them down- our lips connected all the while. 

He steps out of the puddle of clothing and leads me back onto the bed- again- kneeling.  
He leans in to kiss me again, just like the rest, slow, filled with heat and utterly consuming. I laced my hand in his hair while his hands made a decent onto my arse where he firmly squeezes, pulling my hips closer to his own.  
I moan. 

He lays me down on my back, one of my legs bent at his hip as he held himself above me. His hand ghosts down my side to my hip where he squeezes it before he picks up the band of lace and pulls my underwear down my legs-he drops the article to the floor.  
He begins to kiss down my body but i whisper his name and he looks up, pulling himself back up so his forehead was against my own, his nose ghosting over my own every so often.  
"Please Sherlock, no more teasing, i want you. All of you."

He kisses me deeply.  
"And you will. Relax, let me take care of you."

He stays in the same position but he ran his hand down my abdomen and cups my sex before i feel 2 fingers push their way inside me, i whimper as he lets out an exhale- so hard for him not to give in to his urges.

His years playing the violin making him dexterous, he slowly works in and out as my face contorts in pleasure and the noises i make reverberate in the room.  
He moves slightly to work at my neck once more.  
"Sherlock, i need more, please. Ill do anything for you, just make love to me."

His hard fought resolve crumbles and he forces his lips upon my own, pushing his tongue in immediately- he gets the response he was expecting with me giving just as much as i am receiving, my hands pulling at his hair slightly- not enough to hurt. He groans into the kiss. 

He slowly eases his fingers from in favour of guiding his length into my heat. I whimper as he bottoms out and he shudders, allowing his eyes to roll to the back of his head. I wrap my legs around his hips, pulling him closer before i wrap my arms around his neck . We both remain still for a few moment, allowing the moment to hold and for our breathing to calm somewhat. 

I feel one of his hands on my hip, squeezing- he was trying to keep control of himself which he was finding harder and harder  
*this is for her pleasure not yours! Keep control of yourself. Do not even think about cumming over her sweating, heaving chest as she chants your name, begging for more…stop it! Don't even entertain the thought of cumming before she does.* 

He slowly begins to move, pulling out, just to push all the way back in. I feel his hips meet my own and it feels every bit as fantastic as was while using his fingers…but it wasn't what i needed, nor was it what he needed.  
"Sherlock…"  
He looks into my eyes, keeping the pace constant- i see the pained concentration and self restraint evident in his eyes.  
"Let go. Do whatever you want, punish me until all i can do is scream your name in raw desire. Just stop holding back…"

"I cant."

"Why not?"

"This is for your pleasure,not my own."

I concentrated as much as possible with him still moving his hips  
"Let go, stop holding back. That would pleasure me more than anything else…"  
I run my hands down to his arse and pull his hips so he is fully buried inside of me  
"Fuuck…yes.-"  
I take on a more firm tone  
"Let. Go"

His head drops to my chest in a helpless groan, i release the grip of my hands upon his arse which were keeping his hips still.  
He pulls his hips back and slams back in and i gasp.  
He begins to piston his hips over and over creating a punishing pace and it is the most forceful he had ever been in the bedroom but it was also the most pleasurable- the dominance, the animalistic want, the sheer lust exerted was overwhelming.  
"Yes…Sherlock, thats it. So good. Keep…ahhhh."

He continues the poisoning pace, my lungs try to keep up the pace themselves. My moans only getting louder, my head tossing more.

"What have you done to me?  
Every filthy fantasy in my head is of you.  
I want to dominate you in every way you know.  
I want to hear your cries for more.  
I want to satisfy your every need in every way i know how.  
I want to tear you apart from the inside and watch you crumble as you loose all ability to speak because all you can feel is me between your thighs.  
I want to make your screams echo through these halls.  
I want to make every fantasy come true.  
I want you to be mine.  
I want to touch you.  
I want to love you.  
I want to show you i love you.  
I. Want. You."

I felt tears grace my cheeks as my hands gripped slightly at his shoulders- he had out me on the very edge of bliss, unable to breathe.  
"Yes. Sherlock, everything.  
Im so close…just do something to me Sherlock, don't argue just do it and hard, very hard."

"Thank God, i don't think i can hold back for much longer- i could have came so many times.  
Anything, my darling, what is it?"

"Bite me, bite my neck! Do it now! My god! Yes! Sherlock."

He leans down to my neck where he presses a quick kiss to the area and bites down-hard-on the juncture where my neck and shoulder meet and the white hot coil in my abdomen snaps- my back arches. I moan my release louder than anything that had been released prior and Sherlock chases after his release and it takes about 4 more thrusts to cum…he shouts his release into my neck just as i am at the very peak of climax before his hips stutter slightly and i begin to come down from the euphoric high. 

Sherlock collapses on top of me and i welcome the weight, feeling unable to move. I feel a tear roll down my cheek and he wipes it away, slightly concerned  
"Whats wrong?"

"Nothing just, overwhelmed."  
He smiles and presses a kiss to my lips.

I hear the door burst open and Sherlock flips so my back is to the door and so my front it pressed against his, he pulls a blanket up cover us, if only partially. I hide my face in Sherlock's chest, still mostly far gone and exhausted and the rest was complete mortification and panic at being seen naked or half- naked- again! 

For God sake! Do people ever fucking knock! Or know when not to interrupt!

I hear a familiar voice  
"Brother, i would much appreciate it if next time you kept it down, the maids thought there was someone getting murdered in here."

I feel one hand begin to stroke my hair and i feel him press a kiss to my neck- he knew i was panicking.

"Brother, please leave. What i do has nothing to do with you and tell your maids to be more realistic next time instead of assuming a murder was taking place in the bedroom of a government official. Please. Even i think that's far fetched."

"Don't forget brother mine, this is my house."

I speak up, not moving my head from Sherlock's shoulder.  
"Mycroft, will you please leave."  
My heart was pounding because although he couldn't see anything, i still could feel awful anxiety in my chest at the fact that i was still naked, even if all he could see was my bare back.

Sherlock must have given him a look because all i hear is the door lock shut once more.  
"Thank you."  
I say into his chest once more .

He just presses a kiss to my hair.  
"I forgot to ask what you wanted to do, im sorry."

I smirk  
"My request can wait, it could always be done next time.  
-did you really mean it? What you said before?  
About fantasies, you and me…"  
I drift off as i become slightly sheepish to say the rest.

"Of course. I meant every word."  
I feel him begin to drift off to sleep when there is another knock at the door. 

"Umm Sherlock? Im sorry if your busy mate, Its Greg, John said you'd be here, your needed. he's back-Moriarty."

His eyebrows furrow in confusion  
"Who?"

"Greg. As in Lestrade?"

"I thought his name was Gavin."

"What?! No! Of course not.  
Please don't go."

"I know, I'm sorry. Come with me."

I sigh- sometimes i hated that he was brilliant at what he did.  
"Ok."

He lift my chin up with a finger  
"I'll make it up to you i promise."

"Fine."  
He got out of bed pulling me with him before shouting to Greg outside the door

"Give me a half an hour. No police car."

He shouts back  
"Ill be downstairs."

I go into the wardrobe- this was our room at Mycroft's and the last time the front of the house got blown up we decided it was best to keep secondary spare clothes at his, just in case anything were to happen to the flat- God forbid!

I pulled out a dress, a black blazer and some flats before lining them on the bed and going to have a shower.

He was back! He was back!  
Sherlock was so close to killing Moriarty at the swimming pool… this wont lead to a happy ending, and i know that- someone will die. I just hope its Moriarty…


	11. Moriarty- a tribute before the fire.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 in one night- arent you lucky?! ;)   
> I had to write this and i have to say, i love it! Its my favourite peice yet!!

Moriarty?   
Why do you want to know about Moriarty?   
No one knows about Moriarty.

Moriarty, is the single most dangerous man i have ever encountered- i have met psychopaths, rapists, assassins but non of them turn my stomach like Jim Moriarty. 

He is a spider- he has a web, with every key to any door you enter, to every door you don't want opened. He could have you killed in a matter of minuets. He could ruin your life in less than that. 

He is the epicentre of all major crime, his first murder was at the age of 9… all to peak Sherlock's interest. 

His right-hand-man is Sebastian Moran. Assassin.   
He has killed over 300 people and hasn't been charged for a single one of them, that is how powerful Jim Moriarty is.

When you are in his web, you never get out, you are his pawn in a feeble game of chess which he will always win. He will mess with your mind until you are just about to break…and then, he bites, finishing off his meal without an intake of breath. 

His suite, bespoke, Westwood, razor sharp, just like his wit. He doesn't get his hands dirty- he lurks in the shadows. 

Go on, try to escape from him…you can/never/ escape him. He is all consuming, a poison lurking in the very air you breathe, giving you the very pestilence he created to reign the world…he owns the world. 

Run? Don't even think of it.   
You could live in the shanti town of the worst 3rd world country you could find where the internet and phones do not exist…he will find you.

Serbia- you are his torturers.  
Moscow- you are his corrupt government.  
London. you are not safe- you are his hunting ground.  
You are the crown jewels  
You are Pentonville prison  
You are The Tower Of London.

Put him in prison i hear you say? I laugh. 

Put him in Alcatraz, he will leave- he wont escape, it may take time but he already had a plan before he was arrested, he will walk free and be placed upon a yacht to his next destination. 

Torture?   
Please, torture is nothing to him. He is torture.

He is never seen but he is always there, he lurks in the shadows, he lurks in your mind, he is /always/ there.

Pain?  
He invented the concept.

Fear?  
Nothing but his tool for control, he will always win. 

Do not even try, do not even breathe, do not even blink- too late, your already his for the taking. 

Put a bullet through his head i hear you cry.  
He puts a bullet through his own head and he is still alive- no one knows how but he lives…

Miss me?


	12. Someone elses point of view (the Moriarty effect)

The crown jewels?   
He broke in to The Tower Of London and wore the crown jewels?   
Unbelievable. He…got away with it and I know he's no where near done. 

He got away with it because he owns fear but this is just the beginning- this is just to peak Sherlock's interest. This was child's play for him- he is a towering inferno who lurks in the shadows and he broadcasted himself on national television. 

In 3 day's no one will remember what he has done- hell, he could go buy a pint of milk and he wouldn't be recognised! Thats how society works, we have our 15 minuets and then we are forgotten. 

It worked- Sherlock has your full attention, well done.

-  
4 months.

"Sherlock, come to bed please? Its 4am."

He just looks in my direction, hands still under his chin.  
"Ill be there soon."

"No you wont, you say that every time. Your beginning to worry me. All you think about is him. You haven't went to bed normally for the past 3 and a half months- you haven't eaten very well either."

He holds an arm out for me to come to him, i tie my dressing gown at the waist and take his hand and he pulls me so i am sitting astride his lap. I lay against his chest.  
"Your just as bad- you've been staying awake even when i am in bed with you and you have spent more time trying to get me to eat than you have actually eating."

"That is hardly an observation i can agree with."

"You have lost 4 pounds in the last 3 days- your not eating properly. Im more worried about you. You always wake up exhausted…whats wrong."

I close my eyes burying closer to his chest   
"Nothing- I just think. Thats why i cant sleep. Im on a diet too."

"What have you been thinking of?"

I let out an exhale.  
"Oh, nothing important."

"I don't believe you. How about the diet?"

"Im just trying to loose some weight."

He runs his hand through my hair.  
"Why?"

"Just trying to loose some, no reason as to why."

"These two are obviously linked. You must be loosing it for something?"

"Nothing."  
Liar! 

He picks up my chin with my index finger  
"Neave…"

"Can we talk tomorrow please?   
I just want to sleep. Come with me please?"

"Give me 20 minuets an ill come."

I press a kiss to his forehead  
"Thank you."

I go back to bed but i fall asleep before Sherlock comes in.  
I wake up at:  
5:30- not there  
6:48- not there  
7:19- not there  
8:30…not there. He was still in the living room.

What was wrong with me?  
Had i done something to him?   
Was he even still attracted to me?  
Thats why i was loosing weight- when he had stopped coming to bed something seemed wrong. I just rolled with it for the first 2 months because thats who he was and the Moriarty thing wasn't helping, but sometimes he wouldn't eat or sleep but when the 3rd month came…i began to think it was me.

He wasn't coming to bed and holding me, like he used to- he would sleep from about 5am or so until about 8am and that was it. Most times he would already be out of bed before me.  
He hasn't kissed me on the lips for about 2 months and he certainly hasn't tried to initiate sex…it had been 4 months since the last time we had sex; i could live without it but it made me feel as if he wasn't attracted to me anymore…i had tried masturbation…again. But the same cycle kicked into effect: i couldn't get myself anywhere near as tense as i needed to get to cum…i didn't /need/ sex, it wasn't something i had to do but i just needed the feeling of release, to feel desired in some way, to feel beautiful, to someone. 

I was loosing weight because i thought thats why he might not have been attracted to me- because i had gained a little bit of weight (were only talking a few pounds here- 5 at the very most.) maybe, if i lost some weight, he might be attracted to me again? He might actually want to sleep in the same bed again.   
I had tried push- up bras and new lingerie to entice him… to no avail. 

I felt like crap- i felt ugly. 

I begin to cry at just the thought of what i felt like.

Moriarty had more bloody attention than me right now…the bastard-- that was unnecessary…sadly another effect of not getting any in 4 months- i was irritable and slightly angry sometimes. If i did have a short burst of irritation or annoyance, i would just have to apologise. Thats all i could do.

He was interviewing a client once and i had to keep pinching myself to stop screaming at her.  
She came in with her tits pushed to her ears and the nicest arse i had ever seen on a woman. She tried flirting with him… i didn't register what she said, i was watching Sherlock, mentally screaming to myself  
*please don't look, please don't look, please don't look."  
Watching to see if he was staring at her chest…or her arse.   
He didn't thankfully, he didn't even respond to her advances.

I was irrationally conscious and slightly petrified of other women because i thought that may have been why he didn't seem interested anymore- he had someone else, or at the very least he was looking for someone.

I had invited Molly over, to cheer me up. I asked her to bring a bottle of wine and to be here for about 6pm- i finished work at 5 and Sherlock would still be staring at the wall when i got home- he wont even register I'm in the flat until Molly comes over.

-

I get in from work and make Sherlock something to eat- just some risotto and bread. He doesn't register I've even made it, i just put it on the table in front of him- he'll eat it eventually.  
I feel as if i'll be sick if i eat anything so i just decide to wait until later.

I hear a knock at the door- i open it to find Molly, i greet her with a tight hug. 

"Come in, we'll go into the bedroom."

I grab a couple of wine glasses from the kitchen and took them with us. 

She unravels the scarf from around her neck and places her coat and bag at the foot of the bed and sat with me as i poured the first glasses. 

We sat and chatted, topping up our glasses when we needed and talked about each others days and various other things.

"How come you werent wearing your ring, when Sherlock failed the drugs test?"

"We didn't buy the engagement ring until after i said yes, we picked it out together."  
I hold her hand admiring the ring adorning it. 

"Its gorgeous, nice and simple."

"Thats why we picked it."

"Im so happy for the both of you. You both make a lovely couple and I'm glad that you will both be spending the rest of your lives together."  
She chuckles and murmurs her thanks.

"Can i look at yours? its just i haven't had a chance yet."

"Oh no, of course."  
I show her my left hand with the ring on it

"Its beautiful, the way it glitters in the light is perfect."

"Wait there…"  
I work it from my finger and hand her the ring.  
"-look at the engraving."

She murmurs the engraving as she reads it.  
"I'll make the exception for you, forever and always."

"He sent me a poem in uni where the last line was 'ill make the exception for you' and forever and always is just something i find very romantic, its what i have always associated with relationships."  
She hands me back the ring where i replace it

"I never took Sherlock as a romantic…"  
She chuckles

"He has his moments…"  
I smile, looking at the ring

I refill my glass, draining half of it.  
"Are you alright? You don't seem yourself…you've lost weight."

"No…umm, no. Im fine, just the alcohol getting to me- i haven't eaten so its just going straight to my head."

"Are you sure? You didn't seem right last time i saw you either.… you can tell me anything, you know that Neave?"

I nod my head and pull her in for a hug  
"I know. Thank you Molly, your always there for me. Your like a sister to me."

She reciprocates the hug and takes the compliment because she knows about my relationship with my sister- i hadn't seen her in about 8 years, her band had taken off and she was either in the studio or on tour, she had actually went to live in LA.

We had a few more glasses, opening a 2nd bottle and i am hammered-  
no food + me + alcohol= lightweight.   
I never drank much anyway, i never got drunk but i usually had quite a high tolerance anyway.

Molly is slightly tipsy and we are laughing.  
She just throws a question at me  
"Will you be my made of honour?"

I choke slightly on my wine  
"*cough* yes! Of course! I would love to!"  
I pull her to a crushing hug

"So how are you an the silver fox?"

"Silver fox?!"  
She burst out laughing and when she calms, she answers.  
"Me and the 'silver fox' are brilliant, just planning the wedding, dissecting corpses and solving murders, you know the usual engaged couple stuff."

I chortle  
"Because thats what all couples do!"

"How about you and Sherlock?"  
She motions her head to the door- at him.

I go silent.   
"Neave?…whats wrong?"

"Oh, nothing important…"

She puts her glass down and pulls me to her.  
"Come here…whats wrong? You can tell me."

I burst into tears and tell her everything, even the things i wouldn't have said sober i.e.  
About just wanting the feeling of release and to be desired- even the masturbation thing…i didn't even flush scarlet (thats what alcohol does for you.) 

I kept on sobbing into her jumper  
"- he didn't even register that i walked through the door before!…"

"Oh Neave, I'm sorry. I should have asked sooner. You need to eat, you have fatigue…"  
She takes a look at the whites of my eyes- bloodshot

"You'll get a vitamin deficiency if your not careful. When was the last time you ate a full meal?"

"A full meal? 4 days ago. The last time i ate 2 days maybe…discounting the apple i ate this morning."

She strokes a tear away from my face  
"Oh Neave…you need to eat."  
She goes over to her bag and pulls out a strip of tablets and hands me one.

"What is it?"

"It will help you sleep, take it now and sleep. Its just a natural sleeping tablet. It works for me. Try it and get a good nights rest and i am taking you for lunch tomorrow, no arguments."

"I cant ask you for that Molly, I'm not your responsibility."

"I don't see you as a responsibility.   
I see you as a friend. Friends help one another."

"Thank you Molly, I'm sorry about your jumper."

"Its fine, it will wash. Now take your tablet, ill stay here until you fall to sleep. "

I take it, swallowing with a slug of wine and i lay back on the duvet, getting comfortable.  
"How are you getting home?"

"Greg said he'd pick me up when I'm done here."

"Ok. I just don't want you walking home alone."

"Its fine, ill text him soon…here"  
She goes to the bottom of the bed and pulls a blanket over me before picking a pack of baby wipes from the dressing table and handing me a wipe: i wipe the make-up from my face.

"Thank you Molly."

"Its no problem, you are my friend"

"Im sorry I'm drunk."

"Your just lucky i'm not drunk."  
We both laugh

"A drunk Molly Hooper…now /that/ i would like to see."  
I feel sleep creeping up on me and my eyes keep on fluttering shut. I just murmur the answer to the question, i knew she had on her mind (what most people had on their minds)- Shakespeare's 'Sonnet 116' was my answer

"Let me not to the marriage of true minds  
Admit impediments. Love is not love  
Which alters when it alteration finds,  
Or bends with the remover to remove:  
O no; it is an ever-fixed mark,   
That looks on tempests, and is never shaken;  
It is the star to every wandering bark,  
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.  
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks   
Within his bending sickle's compass come;   
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,   
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.  
If this be error and upon me proved,  
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."

I don't think she quite understood why i was reciting it but it didn't matter- i would tell her tomorrow.  
My eyes shut for the final time and Molly took her leave.

\-------------------------------------Molly POV  
\-------------------------------------

I wondered why she stayed with him sometimes. She seemed to love him with all of her heart- most people would call her a saint. 

I heard her murmuring something…Sonnet 116. I don't quite understand why but i allow it to fall from her lips. 

She fell quiet afterwards. I waited there a few moments and then grabbed my things- i text Greg to pick me up in 10 minuets. It was only 8;00 or so so the night was young. 

I walked into the front room and saw Sherlock eating his food. I decided to talk to him.

"Hello, Sherlock."  
He seems surprised at my presence.

"Molly? What are you doing here?"

"Ive been here 2 hours Sherlock."

"Why? Who let you in?"

"Neave! Shes been here longer than me. You didn't notice her?"

"No, why should i? When did she come in?"

"About 5:45 or so. Who do you think made you that?"  
I was amazed at how ignorant someone could be- even Sherlock.

"I don't know…i thought it just happened."

"She said you wouldn't have noticed."

He furrows his eyebrows   
"Why would she say that?"

"Because she knows you wouldn't notice her- that you hadn't noticed her…"

"What do you mean?"

"Sherlock, you see everything about everyone, yet you cant work out the person you love."

"Molly, please get to the point."

I let out a sigh   
"Unbelievable! Sherlock! Open your eyes! Shes loosing weight! Shes not sleeping and she hasn't eaten a proper meal in 4 days!"

"Molly, my relationship is hardly your business."

"It is when she gets drunk and begins to cry her eyes out!"

"Why is she drunk?!"

"SHERLOCK! Thats not important! She invited me over for some wine and a chat and because she hasn't eaten she's drunk because she has nothing to absorb the alcohol. 

She was crying her eyes out in there because she thinks that you don't love her, that your not attracted to her, that you are repulsed by her!   
This Moriarty thing is taking over Sherlock! Shes been like this for 2 months!   
When your in bed, your never in it for 2-3 hours at a time! She thinks its because you cant bare to share the same bed.  
You haven't kissed her properly in about 2 months.  
You don't want to have sex and she's tried to …entice you, for lack of a better term and you haven't payed her any mind. She's loosing weight because she thinks you've lost interest because you think she's fat! And she thinks, if she loses weight, you might be interested! She feels petrified of other women because she is convinced your looking for someone else!  
She thinks that she is ugly. She feels undesirable, like you don't love her! And God knows she doesnt need that, it broke her when you /said/you didn't love her.  
She lies awake because she is trying to figure out what she has done wrong for you to be uninterested.  
You dont pay attention to her walking in the flat and you certainly don't acknowledge that she has made you food.   
You, Sherlock Holmes, need to take your head out of the mind palace and pay attention to what's around you! It might just do you some good!

I wouldnt tell you this unless i thought that it was important and i have only told you what i feel comfortable to do so.   
Sherlock, I'm worried. So should you be."

I hear a knock at the door- its Greg. 

He looks indifferent- he always does.  
"Thank you for that Molly. I'll…umm…deal with that. Mustn't leave Leatrade waiting."

My face softens   
"Im going out for a meal with her tomorrow, come if you want, ill bring Greg if you come. Ill send you the details.  
Goodbye Sherlock."

"Goodbye Molly, always a pleasure."  
I get my things and leave with Greg, shutting the door behind me.

\-------------------------------------Sherlock POV  
\-------------------------------------

I shut the door behind Molly and leant against it, i slid down the door to the floor where the emotions i had hidden from Molly sprung free: tears graced my face, causing my eyes to become bloodshot and my face to go slightly red. 

'Why cant i just show her i love her?!!"

Im completely useless with her. I cant read her. I could /never/ read her, thats part of why i was intrigued by her in the first place. Looking at someone and knowing all of their secrets is something you wish you could turn off after a while but with her…i just see her, the only things i have ever been able to deduce are her clothing size and her depression- that is it. Possibly some minor details-Nothing more. 

I soon learned that what was underneath was just as beautiful as what was on the surface.

Moriarty is done. I am not chasing his next move- i have already anticipated every eventuality, that is enough- this has to stop. 

I walk to our room and open the door to see her asleep with a wine bottle at each night stand married with a glass each. I take it all from the room and dispose of them- even placing the baby wipe in the bin which was on her side. 

I join her in bed in the usual fashion, i pulled her against my chest and wrapped my arms around her waist- i could already smell her…even her scent intoxicated me- she would change her perfume every few months or so but…it was always her, it always smelt like her. 

I felt her begin to stir and whimper- she must be dreaming…i hear her whisper everything said.  
"Sherlock…please, don't…i'll do anything, just, please stay."

I pulled her closer to my body so she was fully wrapped in my own embrace. I began to stroke her head, running my fingers through her hair.  
I whisper- knowing full well she wont hear me.  
"I promise, i wont leave, don't worry."

She begins to wake up, arising into consciousness.   
She began to speak, her voice not yet broken   
"Sherlock?…what time is it?"

"Nearly 9."

"Your early…did you eat?"

I sigh  
"Yes…thank you, it was nice- I'm very great-full.  
Im not your main priority though."

She looks up at me, dazed and confused.  
"Of course you are…what do you mean?"

"I mean, you need to take care of yourself.   
I love you, you know that?"

"Yes, of course. What do you mean?"

I decide to let it go for now.  
"We'll talk tomorrow. Go to sleep for now."

"We can talk now, if you want…"

I press a kiss to her lips which she responds to with more fervour than expected. She pressed her lips against my own and her hand ran through my hair. When i break the kiss, she looks into my eyes.  
"You…kissed me…"

I ran my fingers through her hair.   
"Of course i did. Kissing the woman i love isn't such a foreign concept is it?"  
I already knew what her response would be.

"I know…its just.. Been a while"

"Im sorry…i am so sorry, my darling."

"For what?"

"I haven't been paying attention to you and I'm sorry."

She sighed  
"Molly spoke to you didn't she?"

I nodded   
"Im sorry- i shouldn't have said anything- i shouldn't have gotten drunk ."

I lifted her chin with my finger   
"Do. Not. Apologise.   
I am saying sorry, not you. This is all because of me.  
I keep trying to help you and i end up failing you. What can i do to show you that i love you?"

She places a hand upon my chest  
"Nothing. You do not fail me, you make me proud- every day.   
Nothing, don't do anything… just--"

"What?"

"Am i right about anything?"

I place my forehead against hers  
"No. Not a single thing- i am will be sure to make sure you will always be wrong.  
I love you, more than the cases, more than anyone else.   
I would never ask you to change.  
I love all of your curves and all of your edges.  
All of off your perfections and flaws both.   
I love that you aren't normal- you are extraordinary…and a bloody good cook may i add. "  
She laughs slightly at the last part

"-see there's the smile i love."

She asks rather sheepishly  
"Are you still…attracted to me?"

"Oh darling, of course i am. I love you, of course i am attracted to you- you are my siren, enticing me and dragging me down to the depths.   
Ive had to refrain so many times from pinning you to the nearest door in public and fucking you in the middle of the room while everyone else watches."  
She squeezes my shoulder in an attempt to beat her obvious arousal into submission- i could also read her arousal levels (it had been 4 months- she would just keep begging for more until she couldn't stand and that i knew for certain.) 

She just nodded, her eyes shut.  
"You seem more eager than your letting on, would you like to test that?"

"Sherlock, don't please…you have no idea how desper-"

I place my hand to her thigh and pushed her skirt up gradually with my hand as it ascended her thigh.  
"Sherlock…"  
She says it as a word of warning 

I pull her thigh so her hips are flush with my own, i undulate my hips against hers so i am grinding against her.  
"Don't start this…you have no idea what your getting yourself into…"

"Oh but darling, i do. I have a pretty good idea about just what i want to get myself into."  
I bite her earlobe and tug- she whimpers.

I whisper in her ear  
"-if you can be a very good girl and wait until tomorrow. You will be rewarded very greatly."

She groans out of frustration  
"Oh you bastard! Why do you always start things and don't finish them?"

I smirk  
"Oh i finish them…more than once if your lucky."

"If you don't shut up then I'm afraid that I'm going to have to expect you to finish your task more than once."

I kiss her forehead, laughing lightly.  
"This isn't your fault Sherlock…"

"How so?"

"Its me, again, i'm just not… normal in how i think. I jump to the wrong conclusions constantly because i fear everything is my own fault or that something is wrong with me and it hurts others- i don't mean to make you feel bad Sherlock and i am so sorry that i do. "

"It is not your fault in the least. Doubt forms from reason- if you didn't have reason there would be no doubt. You wouldn't be feeling this way if there was no reason for it. My behaviour is the reasoning and i will make it up to you, somehow, i will make it up to you."

"As long as i have you, that is all i need." 

"Why don't we do what John and Mary do?"

"What exactly do you mean?"

"A 'date night' i believe it is called."

She laughs lightly into my chest   
"Yes it is sweetie. I mean, we could, if you wanted too?…"

"Of course, i want to."

"Where do you want to go?"

"I was thinking we could stay in. No work, no cases, just me and you.   
I'll cook?"

She looks at me in confusion  
"Do you even cook?"

"No, not particularly but ill try."

"Then i will get to taste your gourmet delights."  
She laughs

"I may be good, you never know…how about tomorrow."

"A bit sudden but ok- don't you have a case meeting tomorrow?"

"Not anymore."  
She draws patterns on my chest with her fingers

"What exactly do you have planned?"

"You will see…all you have to do is wear a dress, heels and the deepest shade of lipstick you have."

I see her eyebrows furrow  
"Ok…"

"There is a reason for the allocated attire."

"Im sure there is but why?"

"Because i have something planned."

"Ok then, fine, be mysterious."

"Mystery is all part of the fun my darling."

"I'll hold you to that."

"We'll see...now…"   
She looks up at me, i subtly lace my hands with her own.  
"-come here."  
I roll her she is on her back and i pounce, attacking her lips with my own- she let out a yelp of surprise at first but she warmed to it.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and gave just as much as she was getting- it wasn't salacious or even filled with lust- it was just a good old fashioned snogging session. 

We used to have these in uni actually- i knew she didn't want to have sex and i knew why (it had been 2 years before we actually made it to that part.) it took 6 months for us to kiss properly- quite awkward actually come to think of it but it was what we both wanted. When we passed that initial stage, when we were together we would have the little 'snogging sessions'   
For her it seemed an outlet to dissolve worries of uni itself and to feel wanted and loved.   
For me…i already knew she was extraordinary- it showed me that she did trust me.  
Sentiment…i had developed sentiment and, believe it or not, affection.   
All-in-all it was a chance to be together- our paths didn't cross too much (different lectures and classes etc) only in that one class and occasionally at a weekend if i wasn't busy with a case or an experiment. 

It was moments like this I'm glad i listened to my brother…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why did he listen to Mycroft?…hmm  
> Flashback for the next chapter.


	13. *flashback* First kiss

The class professor spoke up  
"Mr Holmes, you can work with…"  
He runs his hand down his register, finally stopping at a name.  
"-Miss Camden. The S.A is due in for monday."

I nod to the teacher and make my way over to Miss Camden.  
I give her my hand  
"Sherlock Holmes, and you are?"

She returns the handshake with her free hand as the other was holding a folder.  
"Neave Camden, nice to meet you."

I look at this girl and i see nothing. I look at everyone else and i see their story- i see nothing. Not a thing. Why?!  
I snap out of my thought and reply  
"Likewise, I've been paying attention to you for a few lessons now. Your a bright woman. You shouldn't be too hard to tolerate.  
So…when do we get started?"

She looks a little bit surprised .  
"Your going to help?"

I look at her, confused  
"Of course i will, why wouldn't i?"

"I don't know, thats what most of my S.A partners have done so far- they have just let me do the work and they take the glory."

"Why?"

"Because they know i know what I'm talking about. How any of these people actually got any qualifications, i do not know"  
I laugh lightly 

"Would you like to start now?"

"Um…of course, yes. Where?"

I ponder my answer before i reply  
"My room?"

She looks slightly worried  
"…ok, yes, why not?"

We walk to my room in the halls of residence in silence, she looked to the floor mostly and kept to herself.  
"Are you ok?"  
She looks up at me  
"No. Yes! Im fine. Don't worry."

"Your tired."

"No. Im fine."

"When was the last time you slept?"

"I don't know. I had about 2 hours last night."

I unlock the door to my room and motion her in before i follow. Closing the door behind me.  
"Tea? Coffee?"

"Coffee please.  
Do you have a computer i can type the S.A onto? Its just mine is in my room."

"Yes, on the desk.  
Log on- the password is murder.  
Put your file down and just place that and your coat on the bed. Ill be with you in 2 moments."  
She continues to log on to the computer, looking completely uncomfortable with the situation. When she sat down she began to rub her left wrist with her other hand until it had turned bright red and she would have continued, if it weren't for the fact that she had taken the position to type.

I give her the coffee and we get started on the S.A. We brainstormed ideas for content of each section, allowing one another's input- i kept trying to figure her out. She was hiding something. Why couldn't i read her?!- until eventually the S.A was complete.

"Thank you Mr Holmes. This is the first project someone has actually contributed to. Thank you."

"The pleasure was all mine. Your my first partner who i don't think is a complete idiot."  
She gets up to leave but i stop her with a hand to her waist. She stiffened, visibly at the contact and froze. I promptly removed my hand.

"Could you help me with something?"

She looks at the floor again and then too me  
"Yes. What do you need?"

"I do some work with the New Scotland Yard and i was wondering what input you could have upon a case…"  
I pull out a case folder and hand it to her. She opens it and looks shocked

"Murder. You work with murders?"

"Perfectly sound analysis but i was hoping you would go a little deeper…"

She studies the pictures and my case.  
"She was carrying something behind her…"  
I sat up in my seat. Intrigued.

"Go on…"

"She has tiny splash marks on the back of her calfs which are too small to be caused by a car's splash from a puddle so either she caught the reminance of water from someone else's shoes or she was dragging something behind her- they're too consistent to be from someones shoes.  
There was a struggle- the shoes are frayed at the heal. A woman as well presented as this wouldn't go out of the house with her shoes like that.  
Umm…no bruises around the wrists or neck so its not strangulation and there are no stab wounds so its not a stabbing or a shooting…pills?…no, there would be something there, vomit.  
'Rache'…obviously an unfinished Rachel…who is Rachel?……  
Im sorry. Thats all i can get."

I look at her in awe  
"That was brilliant…for someone with no prior experience that was exceptional."

She smiles slightly but she tries to hide it and thanks me.  
"Her coat is damp, however her umbrella was not- the weather was too violent. Cardiff was the only city with rainfall in the time it would have taken to evaporate from the rest of her coat.  
Asphyxiation- she took a pill and committed 'suicide' the messy hair tells us she didn't make it to the hotel. If she had made it, she would have done her hair- image conscious reporter. She doesn't work with her hands and all of her jewellery is clean apart from her ring. The only cleaning it got was when she worked it from her finger- serial adulterer.…"

"That is brilliant!"

"That is what i do. When the police are out of their depth, i come in."

"It must be fantastic so be able to do that."

"I wish i could turn it off sometimes…i cant read you though."

Her eyebrows raise  
"Really? Why?"

"I don't know. You intrigue me.  
You are the only person i have never been able to read."

She blushes slightly  
"Oh, thank you…i think.  
Im sorry you cant read me."

"Its not your fault, no need to apologise."

"Of course its my fault, I'm sorry."

"What are you hiding?"

Her eyes shoot to my own  
"Excuse me?"

"What are you hiding?"

"Nothing. I don't even know you."

"Who are your friends?"

She taps at her thigh, looking away from me  
"I don't have friends."

"Of course you do."

"No, i don't. Im originally from Newcastle and i didn't know anyone here when i moved to study and because i don't go out to nightclubs, i don't see other students apart from in class and for assignments. I don't know anyone. Its my own fault though."

I look at her, somehow enraptured in whatever she said or did- it may have made her easier to read…it hadn't.  
"How so?"

She gets up from her position and goes to grab her things  
"No, i cant tell you this. I don't even know you. Your a stranger. I have to go, I'm intruding on your time."

"No! Stop."  
She stops, looking at me.

"Will you help me with some more cases?"

"Im sorry but i cant physically pack anything more into my schedule."

"You don't sleep right?"

"Not very well. Why?"

"Come here when you cant sleep, your room is only a few doors down isn't it?"

"Im sorry Mr Holmes but thats a little too personal a request. Im not that type of girl."

"Im not asking for you to do anything other than help me with the cases…"

She looks unsure  
"I'll think about it."

"Thank you."  
I put my hand out once more to shake her hand and she returns it with a slightly weaker grip than before. 

"I'll let you know Mr Holmes."

"Sherlock, please."

She smiles slightly- it was an endearing smile…STOP IT!  
Sherlock, your above such thoughts. She's just a girl- sort yourself out man!

"I'll be in touch, Sherlock…  
Wouldn't i be intruding? You need to sleep too i assume…"

"Not at all, i often spend nights awake thinking.  
Whenever you cant sleep, just knock."

"Thank you.  
Goodbye Sherlock."

"Goodbye Neave."  
She exited the room and i shut the door behind her.

I turned back to my room.  
Why does she intrigue me? Shes only a girl for christ's sake!  
What is wrong with you?!  
Why cant you read her?!  
Come on man, get your head straight!

…she's left some of her notes. I pick up the notes and put them into order.  
I take them to her room and knock on the door?  
she opens it  
"Oh, Sherlock…hello again."

"You left some of your notes on my bed…"

She looks around nervously  
"Oh…uh ok, thank you."

"No thanks needed. Have a nice night."  
She nods in acknowledgement before she murmurs a goodnight back to me before she closes the door.

-  
That was my first private encounter with Neave Camden. The second would be soon to come.  
-  
3am

I hear a knock at my door.  
I go to open it and find Neave standing there in her nightgown and a black dressing gown on top.

"Hello, i was beginning to think you had't accepted my request."

Her left hand pulls at the right sleeve of her dressing gown. She still looks to the floor, looking back up only to speak to me and even then her eyes are unsure, apologetic even.  
"Im sorry were you sleeping? I can come back another time if…"

"No, not at all come in. Sit on the bed, ill get some work."

She sits on the bed in the corner nearest the wall with her head against the wall and her legs brought up to her stomach.  
"Would you like some tea before we begin?"

"No thank you."  
I join her and hand her a few case files. I try and give her as much space as possible- it was a twin bed so i could give her quite a bit.  
She begins to look at the cases, shifting herself to get more comfortable.  
She writes her theories down on post it notes before handing them back to me to evaluate and check.

She moves herself and her nightgown hitches up her thighs slightly and i see some small scars on her right thigh.  
I subconsciously reach over and touch her thigh, just over the scars.  
She jumps and pulls away, obviously ashamed of them. 

"Im so sorry. I shouldn't have done that."  
I apologise profusely.

She looks at me, petrified, pulling her nightgown down as far as possible.

"No, its fine. Just-you just shocked me…your the only person to have seen them. Im sorry, i should have worn pyjama bottoms."

"No! Don't apologise, i shouldn't have done it.  
Im the only one?"

She nods.  
"The only one. No one else knows. Please don't tell anyone…"  
She pleaded with me. 

I place my hand upon her own-it seemed like a comforting thing to do.  
"I wont, i promise.  
…could i ask you something?"  
Why was i asking? I never asked! I just said and dealt with the consequences.  
What was this woman doing to me?

She lightly rubbed her thumb over my fingers.  
She nodded with a 'uh-huh' noise.  
"Yes…"  
She sounded incredulous of the question.

"How long ago did you get those?"

"Those are from about a year ago.  
I was diagnosed with depression when i was 15. Put into therapy until i was 20 and then discharged. I don't want to go back to the doctors and ask if i have depression again. The signs are there…i'm just…ashamed."

"Your nervous ticks…are they apart of it too?"

She looks confused and slightly worried  
"What ticks?"

"You play with things in your hands when your focusing- you played with the computer lead earlier today.  
When you are sat, you shake your foot. You shake your hand on a desk when your not writing. You sometimes rub your wrist and you find it hard to make eye contact for long periods of time- you can do if but you don't like the thought of people looking at you so you look down."

"Oh! Im sorry. I don't realise when i do those. Are they irritating?"

"No. Not at all, they're endearing."  
She puts some hair behind her ear and i see her smirk and …blush.

"How about you?"

"Excuse me?"

"What about you? Are you… normal? Psychologically, i mean."

I was shocked by the question. No one had really asked me what i felt before.  
"Uhh…I'm supposedly a sociopath. I have supposed 'isolation issues', i got, how you would say 'bullied' at school, still do now by supposed 'friends', whatever they are."

"Im sorry."

"Why?"

"You are being bullied by people you are meant to trust…is it those boys who I've seen you with in town? They all study finance i believe…"

I look at her in surprise  
"Do you know them?"

"No, but i was right. They sound like and are dick heads."  
I laugh- she's not wrong. 

"-i…like you, if thats any consolation.  
You make me smile.  
I think what you can do is fantastic…its brilliant."

I look to her eyes and she seemed to be telling the truth…her eyes- her hazel eyes…she shone with a light like no other……snap out of it! Case!  
"Really? Thats not what i get from most people."

"What do you get from most people?"

"Piss off  
Wanker  
Tosser  
Bell-end  
Fuck off… i think you can guess the rest."

I see her begin to cry  
"Im so sorry Sherlock. That you have had to deal with abuse from others. You are a great man Sherlock Holmes. I may have only known you for but a few hours but i have never had more of an open conversation in my life."

I wipe away the tear from her cheek and press a kiss to her forehead.  
"Thank you."

"I haven't done anything…"

"You have done more than you think…"

"How so?"

I looked at her and i…felt something. Something in my chest- I didn't want her to leave.  
Dear Lord! What was wrong with me?!  
"You have helped me to figure out more about you. You have helped me…"  
I couldn't finish it off- why?  
I didn't really know why but all i knew was that she had helped.

-  
(6 months into the meetings.)  
She settles herself so she is leaning more against the pillows  
"May i rest my head for a while? I haven't slept properly in a few weeks."

I wave my hand as a signal  
"No, of course. Feel free."

"What do you know know?…about me?

She was still stroking my fingers, as before. Her thumb was making circles on my hand- i assumed that it calmed her.  
"Depression, Nervous ticks, trust issues, clothing size and friend issues."

She openness her eyes.  
"I'll relent to most of that but what about friend issues?"

"You never mention anyone in your life. I have not heard anyone talking to you in a friendly way and when the professor comes into class, you tend to be sat in a desolate row, with no one else there.  
You don't check your phone often and when you do, your not surprised to find no notifications.  
You don't mention a boyfriend and you don't seem comfortable with proximity or contact.  
You isolate yourself quite frequently…not typically behaviour of a socialite.  
You told me…you told me that you don't have friends, when we first met."

"Your fantastic…i don't care that i told you. You know so much more than even words can say."  
She squeezes my hand.  
She goes silent after that- she still strokes my hand whenever she feels nervous. When she stops and her head lolls to the side slightly, i know she's asleep.

I place a blanket upon her so she isn't cold.  
I set to work on checking her notes on the deductions. Most of them are correct- it makes me smile. I have never seen anyone do this before- well, no one which is Mycroft or myself. 

I eventually get into bed myself- she is still sleeping. I just leave her to sleep. I don't try and wake her. I take off my dressing gown and sleep.

-  
I wake up in the middle of the night to find her with her head in my chest and an arm wrapped around me.  
I just wrap my arm around her waist and place a hand to her head- to unconscious to even think, never mind to think of the repercussions.  
-

I wake up to she sound of my door opening- its about 8:30am

"Come on Sherlock old boy! Time to get up!…oh sorry, mate, i didn't realise you had company…"  
She wakes up to, showing her face to Mark, at the door (one of the bankers.) 

He must think she cant hear because what he said next, i will always remember.  
"Oh Sherlock, you old dog! I know there's slim pickings mate but you could do better than that…"

She jumps out of the bed, grabbing whatever she has before pushing past Mark to leave, before i could stop her.

"Mark, get out. Why are you even here?!  
Why did you say that about her?"

"You said you would come and see my friend today about the missing person…remember?  
Its not wrong is it?…i mean, I've seen some girls you might like Sherlock, better than that."

My eyes burn into his  
"Upon review, i don't think i will help. Waste of my time.  
Tell your friend to look harder…more specifically his business partners house- blatant affair.  
For a matter of fact, you are wrong. As for those girls, i'm not interested.  
She is not a 'that' she is a person with a name…"

"Oh come on Sherlock. You haven't seriously started a relationship with depression session over there…"

"No, i have not. Even if i had, it would be no business of yours. I do not partake in such primitive relationships.  
She has a name Mark!  
Not depression session or 'that!'"

"I don't know her name Sherlock and stop shouting.  
Goth girl over there seems to like you…I'm sure she liked you /a lot/ last night…"  
He gave me a repellant smile. 

"Nothing happened Mark. She just fell asleep on my bed, ok?  
She was helping me with some cases last night. She hasn't slept properly in a week so i said she could fall asleep on my bed.  
Her name is Neave-  
Not depression session, goth girl or that!"

"Jesus Sherlock, lighten up. Anyone would think you like her."

"I do. It shouldn't be a surprise that i have actually taken to enjoying someone's company.  
She doesn't judge me for what i do, unlike some people i care to mention."  
I look at him

"You more than enjoy her company…"

He was right…i did, but why did i?  
"I haven't the faintest what your talking about. Now if you wouldn't mind. I have things to do."  
I wave my arm in the direction of the door.

"Good day Sherlock. I wont drop this…"

"I trust that you wont. Good day."  
I close the door and proceed to get dressed in my suite and black dress shirt.

-  
I wrap my knuckles against the door 3 times in the hopes of an answer.  
The door opens. Neave is stood there in a blue blouse and a black pencil skirt, surprised to see me…she had been crying- she still is.

She quickly composes herself upon realisation of who it was  
"Oh…Sherlock. Im sorry about before. I'm sorry if i embarrassed you."

"Embarrassed me? How so? You didn't do anything."

"your friend thought we had slept together. I shouldn't have slept, i should have came back. Im sorry, it wont happen again…"

I tilt my head slightly  
"Why would you being seen in my bed make me embarrassed?"

"Even your friend said…you could do so much better than 'that'"  
I see her eyes well up again- i pull her to me.  
She stiffens immediately but relaxes gradually until she returns the embrace, still somewhat tense. 

"Im sorry. He's an arse.  
He has no respect for women and when he shows an inch of respect, its only to the woman who happen to grace his arm that week.  
You can still come to me whenever you want. Im not embarrassed by you or your presence.

I am truly sorry. After what you told me, it is inexcusable."

"You stuck up for me. There is nothing to forgive."

I pull away slightly to look at her.  
"How do you know about that?"

"Thin walls. The noise must have travelled through your open door and down the hallway."

"So you heard everything?"

"Pretty much. Even 'goth girl' and 'depression session'"  
I sigh- my chin rested upon her forehead.

I place my forehead against hers and immediately, i could feel an atmosphere between the two of us. I was in her space, i could smell her and she was letting me…she was letting me close to her.  
I could smell the familiar sent of coconut and her perfume…

I push a piece of hair behind her ear.  
She follows the movement with her eyes and returns them to meet my own.  
A beautiful sea of blue and green on the outside, eclipsed by brown met my own gaze…

I don't know why i did it: but I've never regretted it since. I had never had the urge to do this prior or to anyone else since but…  
It was the single greatest decision i had ever made in my life.  
I lent in and kissed her…softly, sweetly.  
She seemed surprised at first but she welcomed and warmed to it, i see her eyes shut as she reciprocated the kiss- one hand upon my own at her neck and the other in my hair. 

She brakes it momentarily to ask me something  
"Sherlock? Are you sure, you want to go there?…when we cross this line things wont be the same."

"I've never been so sure in all of my life…"  
I press my lips back to her own where i nip slightly at the bottom lip.  
She presses herself more firmly against me- i don't think I've been this close to her before, shes never let me be this close to her. 

*wolf whistle*

We both look to the door- it was still open- to find various students looking in, noticing what we were doing.  
I lent over to shut the door-  
"If you wouldn't mind boys…"  
The door shut with a click.

I placed my forehead upon hers once more…  
"Was that…good?…"

She smiles slightly  
"I, don't really have anything to compare it too but…yes…it was nice."  
She blushes scarlet. I stroke the side of her face with my thumb.  
Before leaning back in to kiss her again.

-  
During class, or whenever her nervous tics were set off, i would try and calm her slightly:  
I would hold her hand or offending limb and keep it there until she had seemed to completely stop or at leased calmed. She would always thank me for it afterwards but there was no need to do so.  
-  
2 days after the kiss

*what was wrong with me?!  
Why couldn't i read her?!  
Why couldn't i stop thinking about her?!  
Why did i care about her?!"

Come on pick up…  
"Hello brother mine. How nice of you to call."

"Hello Mycroft, a pleasure, as usual."

"What do you want Sherlock, I'm very busy at the moment…"

"Your at the gym- diet isn't going too well i see…"

"Its /fine/  
Lets cut the pleasantries."

"I need your advice."

"Brother mine, what advice would you possibly need?"

"Its about a woman…"

"A woman?…go on."

My voice began to escalate down the phone  
"I cant read her, i don't know what shes thinking, i don't know anything about her and i love it!  
Its driving me mad all at the same time!  
I cant stop thinking about her.  
I want to know her. I actually care !  
I hate it!  
What is wrong with me?!  
Im not normal am i?!  
Dear lord, please don't say that I'm normal."

"*tut tut tut* Sherlock, brother dearest…have you grown attached to this woman?"

"Yes…no…yes"

"Is she an idiot?"

"No…shes brilliant, smart…-ish smart compared to everyone i know."

"Do you want to be with he as much as possible?"

"Mycroft. That is hardly any of your business."

"Ill take that as a yes…  
have you had any physical intimacy with this woman?"

"I kissed her…"

"You've kissed her?! my God Sherlock! it pains you to kiss your own mother…the good news is that your not normal…completely.  
Your in love Sherlock."

"Don't be absurd!"

"Sherlock, you asked for my help and i am giving it too you.  
You. Are. In. Love.  
It is completely normal, don't deny it brother mine."

"What do i do?!"

"What do you mean what do you do?!  
You roll with it… it may pain you to actually accept but human emotion isn't all a hinderance.  
Love is one of the better emotions- if you like this girl, if you care for her, let it be. "

"So…i just…let myself care?"

He replies with a rather impatient tone  
"Yes, Sherlock. You evidently like this girl for a reason, she must be special to you and you must care."

"I do…"

"So what are you doing?…"

"Im going to accept it?…"

"Sherlock… you cant be unsure. You cant string her along- even i know that. Say it with confidence."

"Im going to accept it."

"Thats it.  
Now. Brother, i must dash, country to run.  
Let me know how it plays out…"

"Goodbye Mycroft."

"Goodbye Sherlock."

(End)

That is why I am grateful to Mycroft- for once i listened to him and great things came from it…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok..... I lied about what happened, but both Sherlock and i agreed upon that story to tell people because we couldnt exactly tell them i had told him about my self-harm, his friend classed me as a 'that' and someone wolf whistled us.   
> We both agreed it was better that only we know how we met and got together. More centimental.
> 
> The poem? It wasnt how we got together but it was part of how we got together.


	14. Sewing the patches togeather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quite alot happens in this chapter. Lilith will be in more chapters.  
> I know this is extremely long but i would appreciate feedback.

I wake up about 6:30am and my head is splitting-- oh god…my head is going to explode.  
I am never going to drink again…(famous last words from every hangover in existence-not just my own) 

Ive had worse but i bloody hate headaches.

I get up to go in the shower and get dressed- i knew i wouldn't be able to just lie in bed and sleep so it was time to get up.

I take an alkasalser and put it in a glass of water to hear the familiar sound of fizzing.  
I let the entire thing dissolve before downing the entire glass and trying not to gag- they tasted awful. 

I lay down on the sofa- hopefully i could get some sleep on the sofa so i don't disturb Sherlock…SHIT!  
Sherlock…Molly!  
I grab my phone from where i left it on the counter last night and text Molly.

'I'm so sorry for last night. I drunk too much, I shouldn't have told you any of that but thank you anyway- he apologised last night. I wouldn't have had the guts to say anything to him- thank you.  
Still on for today? If i haven't deterred you.(I'm on water don't worry ;))  
If so what time?-N xx'

I place my phone back down onto the coffee table opposite. I lay back with my head tilted back and my middle and forefinger pinching the bridge of my nose- i could feel exactly where the pain was and thats all i could concentrate on.

The pain went on a scale, changing whenever it fancied- die down--> excruciating--> throbbing--> die down

Headaches always got the better of me. It was the worst kind of pain. The 'just cave my skull in now' pain. 

My eyes began to water slightly with the pain, i just wiped it away.  
I finally began to get tired- my eyes getting heavy. A good thing about headaches-  
when i was relaxed enough, it could become the kind of pain where, yes, it was all you could concentrate on but it would also be the pain which would make you sleepy.

I let my eyes shut and I let myself sleep…

-

Why do i feel higher--  
I opened my eyes to see Sherlock lifting me  
"Put me down please…"

"I plan too."

"Not on the bed, just…down please."  
He didn't exactly put me down in the manner i wanted but it would do. 

He turned around and sat down with me still in his arms so i was just about sat in his lap. My arms were around his neck, one hand stroking and playing with the curls at the nape of his neck while the other was splayed on his back. 

I whisper  
"Thank you."  
He kisses my forehead

"What time is it?"

"About 9, why?"

"Just asking."

"You can sleep if you like…"

"Its fine, I've slept long enough…"  
The way the word enough was extended slightly in realisation must have alarmed him slightly.

"What?"

"Nothing, i've just remembered the dream i had…"

"Dream?"

"Yeah…umm a nightmare."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. Its fine. No need.  
Im sorry…for last night."

"You didn't do anything."

"I got hammered.  
I told Molly things i shouldn't have told her-private things- and she spoke to you…"

He moves me so i have a thigh each side of his and so i am looking at him.  
"First of all, you do not have to apologise for 'getting hammered' even I've done it… a less gracious moment i must admit.  
And secondly my darling…i love you in every way. Do not be afraid to tell me of something is wrong, i am here for you, I'm not angry or annoyed that you spoke to Molly because you wouldn't have brought it up otherwise and i would be back staring at the wall at this moment if Molly hadn't said anything."

I let out a sigh  
"I do love you Sherlock, please know that. I don't mean to get in the way or disturb you, i just don't want to loose you."

I felt the two hands on my back move so they are stroking my sides.  
"I know. You never get in the way, you are my main priority. I'm done with Moriarty…"

"But what if he comes back?"

"Every eventuality will be allowed for…"

"Don't give this up because of me if you still want to work on it."

"I will do as i see fit until such time as things change, you are my concern."  
I pulled him flush against my chest. With my hand in his hair.

People asked me why I stayed with Sherlock. Really, it should be the other way around. Why was he with me?  
I wasn't normal in the way i thought about things.  
I constantly cried in front of him.  
I'm sure i took up most of his time…

My phone beeps.

'Don't worry about it, you have yet too see me drunk. (That can be arranged.)  
You weren't too bad, you could have been 100x worse. Ive seen people in worse states walking home at 9 o'clock at night  
About 2 at Sapori?-Molly x'

'Thats perfect thank you, see you later.- N xx'

'Eat something today please- Molly x'

'I will, i promise.- N xx'

I lock my phone and put it back on the table .  
"Who was that?"

"Molly, shes taking me out for dinner."

"What time?"

"2, why?"

"She invited me and said she would be bringing Gavin if i came."

"Oh, ok. its Greg. His name is Greg, not gavin."

"Is that what he calls himself?  
I thought you said it was Gavin the last time?"

"Its what everyone calls him. You just choose to call him Lestrade… oh, this doesn't interfere with our date night does it?…we did organise a date night…right? Some of last night is slightly hazy."

He chuckles  
"Yes we did. No it doesn't, its fine, we'll have plenty of time."

"Why recommend a date night anyway?"

"It seemed to work for John and Mary…discounting the baby, it may work for us.  
I was thinking more about the mere sentiment of proposing such an idea before anything else."

"And i shall take even the sentiment of asking as a positive."  
I place a small kiss to his nose.

Silence hung in the air for a few moments and that moment hung for another moment which was longer than a moment…  
"…marry me."

"Sweetie, you've already asked me that, i said yes…"  
He pulled me so i was looking straight at him.

"No, i mean /marry me/ …"

" What?! Today?!"

"Yes. Why not?"

"Its a little bit sudden…  
I don't have a dress  
We don't have any rings  
We don't have a minister  
There wouldn't be any guests…"

I feel his hands grip my sides more firmly.  
"The dress doesn't have to be white…wear the purple one i bought you.  
I have some rings at Mycroft's which i was saving until we did actually get to organising this.  
St Bart's is a hospital…it has chapel and the priest owes me a favour.  
We could invite John, Mary, Greg and Molly.  
Mrs Hudson will complain about lack of forewarning and then she will cry in the service followed by a rendition of 'use protection I cant have little kiddies running around just yet.'  
Mycroft if he could take time out of his cake schedule…"

I laughed slightly at the last comment.  
"Come now Sherlock, he's trying with the diet! 

Oh Sherlock, my darling. Are you actually considering this?"

He looks down slightly shy  
"Why? Do you not want too?"

"No! Sweetie! Of course i do!  
Its just a surprise that you just want to get up and get married. You nearly had an aneurism about the napkins alone when John and Mary were planning their wedding day. I thought you would have wanted to wait and plan thats all…  
why does the priest owe you a favour?…get him off a murder charge?"  
I raised my eyebrow 

"No, i just helped him put up some shelves."  
He smiled brilliantly at me  
"- i know you only want a small wedding anyway. Im not completely oblivious to our financial state, i know you were putting off the planning because we cant afford a wedding and you didn't want to say anything.  
As for the spontaneous nature… why not now? Why procrastinate the inevitable? Today is as good a day as any other, in fact it's better than any other.  
I love you more than i am ever free to admit. Lets do this…"

"I love you so much Sherlock…lets get married, if this is what you want then we shall get married…but lets just go to a registry office, i don't want you vowing to a God you don't believe in for me."

"Who i vow to is my business, i said priest for a reason, i may not believe in a God, i may find the idea absurd, atrocious, idiotic…"

"Ok, i get the idea."

"But you do and it will make no difference to me whether i do it in front of a 'God' or not, as long as it means something…and besides, no one at the registry office owes me a favour."

I press my lips against his firmly in a kiss full of passion.  
"Can i take that as a yes?"

I bite my lip and nod. He presses his lips back against my own in a kiss just as powerful before we both break off for air.  
"Lets get dressed then.  
Ill phone the priest, John, Mary and Mycroft. You get Greg, Molly and Mrs Hudson."

I text Molly and Greg.  
'Were still going for dinner later but we have a few more additions to our little dinner date as well as a slight de-tour.  
Oh and…meet me and Sherlock in the chapel in St Bart's at about 1:00. Dress however you see fit.- N xx'

I text one more person…  
'Hi…its Neave. I know your filling in for the drummer for A band and that they played Wembly last night and as that was your last date, (whether you like me doing so or not, i've been keeping an eye on you.) i am assuming your still in London.  
I know i haven't seen you in 7 and a half years but i have tried to contact you- every birthday, every christmas.  
Whether you choose to acknowledge that i do not know.  
I'm getting married today at about 1:00 in St Bart's hospital chapel and i would like you to be there. Bring Chris if he's with you.  
I met him a few months ago actually. I didn't tell him who i was, don't worry.-N'

I immediately regretted sending that as anxiety welled up within me. We hadn't spoken and i didn't expect her to come but it might have been nice for her to do so, just so i could see her. She stopped talking to me when she left home to live in LA…i practically brought her up through her teenage years. We got on each others nerves and fought like cats and dogs, of course, but she was the only person i could trust even a little bit. Never completely- that was Sherlock's doing, he was the only individual i fully trusted with everything i said.  
I would write a letter every year, send birthday cards on our behalf and i always sent congratulations when her band's single or album got to no1 on the rock chart.  
But nothing. Ever.

I felt a presence behind me as i pressed send.  
"Who's that?"

"No one."

"Judging by the last few lines it is someone your inviting to the wedding. No kisses at the end- not Molly or Greg. Its someone you care enough for to invite them but not someone who you trust…"

I turn to him and place my hands on his chest, he looks concerned.  
"They probably wont come, its not important."

He lets it go, using whatever knowledge he knew of human behaviour to figure out he should just leave it.  
He stroked my hair  
"Go and tell Mrs Hudson, that may put you in a better mood."

I smile to him  
"I thought you may want too…"

"Why?"

"Because shes like a mother to you. You've known her longer…and i can see it in your mischievous little eyes."

He smirks, knowing i'm right.  
"Can i?"

I grin at him  
"Of course you can, now go!"  
He rushes out of the door and shoots down the stairs…the man was like a 10 year old on a sugar rush! He was beaming from ear to ear. I never thought i'de see the day when he was this happy about /himself/ getting married! 

I took another glance at my phone and sigh before i slide it across the counter to the opposing side before i go off to get dressed…i hear Mrs Hudson cheering in happiness…it subsides in favour of her speaking about the timing- what was she going to wear etc.

I chuckle to myself- he was right. He always was.

I go and take a shower before i get dressed in the purple dress and zipping it most of the way up. I go to the living room where Sherlock now stood checking his phone.  
"Could you zip me up please?"

He immediately puts his phone back in his pocket and zips me the rest of the way.  
He wraps his arms around my waist.  
"You look gorgeous."

"And you look very handsome…"

"Im not even dressed yet. "

"Exactly. You know i like a man in a suite- your always wearing one, excellently tailored ones at that- therefore you always look handsome… and i suppose you could say…"  
I ensure that his grip around my waist is somewhat slackened and turn to face him.  
"I like the way your arse looks in a suite…"

He raises an eyebrow at me  
"Really?"

"Well yes…you have a /very/ nice arse anyway. When framed with a suite…do you know what it makes me want to do?"

His eyes were questioning but he held a big salacious grin on his face  
I slip my hands down to his arse where i squeeze it and his hips are pulled more firmly to my own.  
"This."  
I slap his arse rather firmly and dart for the bedroom, knowing exactly what he would do.  
He burst out laughing and ran after me, trying to get his own back.

"Get back here you little minx…"

"You'll have to catch me!"

We are both laughing while trying to chase each other- Sherlock having the upper hand.

He stands at one side of the bed, i stand at the other…if i go for the door he'll catch me.  
He begins to stalk round to my side so i try and go across the bed on my hands and knees as quickly as possible.  
To no avail, he managed to grab one of my ankles and yank me down so i bounced face-down onto the mattress.  
He pounced on top of me, flipping me onto my back and pinning my wrists above my head.  
"Apologise…"

"No! I shouldn't have to apologise for giving into something I've refrained from for 6 years."

"A punishment is in order isn't it?"  
He let go of my wrists and began tickling me 

"Sherlock! No!…please…stop…hahaha."  
I was in a fit of giggles and i could barely breath.

"Do you relent?"

I keep a stern face  
"No."  
He starts up again and begins blowing raspberry's into my neck.  
"Oh you arse! Stop!"  
I was in a fit of laughter again.  
He stops once more.

"I don't take that as an offence, i have been very reliably informed that i have a spectacular arse."

"By who?…"

"A very reliable source, i have just said!"

My face remained aloof  
"I don't quite think i would go to spectacular…  
Ok…maybe i would."

"Thats my girl…is that why i keep seeing you watching me whenever i bend down?…"

A blush forms on my cheeks- i thought i had gotten away with that!  
"Maybe…maybe not."  
I bite my lip 

"I have methods of extraction which have this far proved useful…"

I turn my head away to feign indigence and pushed my chest out to show resilience.  
"Do your worst."

He begins tickling me again  
"Fine! Haha stop!"

"Tell me the truth."

"Yes! Fine! I stare at your arse when you bend over. "

He smiles, knowing he has won.  
"Good…"

"Why is that good?"

"Because i do the same to you."

"Really?!"  
I laugh at the supposed fact we stare at each others arses.

"Yes…"  
He says it like it was obvious.

"Im quite proud of that, i must say."

He smiles  
"As you should be."

"Would you mind unpinning my wrists and letting me get dressed?"

"I would actually."  
He strokes down the side of my face with one hand.

"Why? You need to get dressed too."

"Who were you texting?"

"That's not important."

"It is to me."

"No one special. Now let me go."

He appears to consider it  
"No.  
Who?"

I look sternly at him.  
"Sherlock, its not important and I'm jot having an argument about it."

"We don't have too. Just tell me."

"Stubborn bastard! You need to get dressed!"

"Your prolonging this…"

"No! Im not telling you. You still have to phone the priest."

He relents  
"What time?"

"I've told Molly and Greg about 1 so that should be ok…"

"Ill phone him now."

"Thank you."  
He leaves in a little bit of a huff.

"Ill tell you later if they don't turn up. Ok?"

"Fine."  
He still doesn't sound happy.

I get up from the bed and walk to the vanity to apply my make-up.  
I keep it natural- no eye liner or lipstick. Just the basics.  
He walks back into the bedroom as i apply my mascara.

"Booked."  
He says while placing his phone in his pocket.

"Good. Thank you Sherlock."  
He leans over and presses a kiss to my temple.

"No problem…what are you going to do with your hair?"

I take a look at the mess in front of me  
"I have no idea."  
I groan in distaste

"Here…"  
He runs his hands through my hair and i moan as his hands lightly tug at the strands as he does so.  
He grabs a brush and pulls it back.  
"Since when have you known how to do hair?"

"It's just something i picked up…"

"Sherlock…"

"I'm not lying."

I raise an eyebrow.  
"I may or may not have learnt on youtube…"

"Aww sweetie, you really have been freaking out about this haven't you? What else have you done?"

"Napkins, venues, table setting and possible dress choices…"

By this time he had pulled out my box of hair grips and began pinning it all up.  
"Your brilliant. So peculiar and so fantastic."  
He smiles but says nothing.  
I let him work freely, unsure of what he was actually doing.  
"There, done…"  
He looked for me in approval.  
"That is…wow. Its gorgeous, thank you."  
He had pinned all of my hair up loosely so it was made up of loose strands of wavy hair - it was pushed up so there was volume to the front.

He leans down so his head is at my ear  
"You look gorgeous."  
He kisses my cheek and i whisper my thanks.

"Lets get you dressed now…"

"Give me 20 minuets."

"Ok. See you soon."  
I press a kiss to his lips and he picks up his suite from the wardrobe- i hear him murmur the words  
"Into battle…"  
I never found out why but i made my own deductions. 

I go into the front room and put on my shoes ready for when he comes back.  
I check my phone.  
"What are you doing?- Mx"

"We're getting married. Today- N xx"

"In the hospital chapel?!- M x"

"Yes, i know its quite last minuet but the priest owes him a favour. I would like you to be there for me, as a maid of honour- N xx"

"Absolutely! i would love to.  
We'll be there.  
Exactly what are you doing after the wedding?-M x"

"Dinner with all of the invited... Perhaps i need a hen do…something tells me i need to get you drunk. ;) -N xx"

"Your meant to have the hen night beforehand…- M x"

"And your also meant to plan the wedding too but some things change. Why don't we go out one day next week and have a 'hen' night? I'll get the boys out on a stag.- N xx"

"I cant wait. Lets see a drunk Molly Hooper then.- M x"

"See you soon- N xx"

I make some tea for myself before i hear the doorbell ring. I answer it to find Mycroft.  
"Hello Mycroft…"

He shows signs of a smile  
"Hello Neave. I would ask how things are but i already know."

"Excuse me?"

"Sherlock has asked for the rings he gave me…not a massive leap- he told me too, so its not even a deduction."

"Ok…are you coming?"

"No. I couldn't, too much work. Country to run and whatnot."

"Mycroft he's your brother. You have to come. Through all the cat-fights you do love each other deep, deep, deep down."

He waves his hand.  
"I couldn't possibly."

"Liar."  
I smirk at him.  
He returns the smile…genuinely.

"Holmes' may not show much emotion but were not as cold as too miss a wedding out of spite."

"Then why say no."

"Why ask if you already know the answer?"

"Touché Mycroft.  
Sit, i'll make some tea."  
He nods and sits, placing his umbrella at the arm of the chair.

"Sherlock being doing your hair then?"

"…yes…how do you…never mind."

"I didn't take him for a hairdresser?"  
He smiles at his own chide at him

"Now, now Mycroft. He's been freaking out an taught himself some new things."

"Oh, is that what has happened?…"

"Yes it is Mycroft."  
I pour the water from the boiling kettle into the tea pot and place the tray on the table before pouring some in a cup for him to add any sugar an milk he may want. 

I do the same for myself and sit to enjoy the hot beverage.  
"How are you and Alana? Good, going by the bracelets you've been browsing today…"  
He looks wide eyed at me and i just smirk. 

Sherlock walks back into the front room fully dressed in his suite- he even had a white rose.  
I go up to him, stroking down the suite jacket so it was flat and uncreased.  
"You look fantastic."  
I pressed a kiss to his lips which he returns. 

He looks at his brother.  
"Mycroft…"

He gave him a glare only a Holmes could give  
"Brother mine…"

He went to sit down and unbuttoned his jacket as he did so- one of his gentlemanly habits (watch him and you'll pick it up.)  
"You have the rings?"

"Of course i do. How much incompetence do you think i am able to tolerate?…i did this myself. You should be proud. It is a privilege."

He 'tutted'  
"Privilege indeed."  
Silence hung in the air.  
I turn to Sherlock?  
"Do you need me to call a taxi?"

He was silent for a moment before breaking the revere with his brother.  
"No. Mycroft's given us a hand with that…"

"How?"  
I look between the two

"He's got a car for us."

Im shocked. He must care about this more than i thought.  
"Thank you Mycroft."

He places his now empty tea cup on the tray.  
"See Sherlock, some manners wouldn't go amiss? Gratitude even."

I roll my eyes.  
"Down ladies.  
Im off to put my shoes on. I trust i can leave you two for a few moments without ripping each others eyes out?"

Mycroft replies  
"I can, I'm not sure about my brother here…"

"Can you two please put your handbags down for a few hours and be some semblance of civil. You both care for each other whether you like it or not. For the love of God, be nice, its not hard.  
You should be happy you have a sibling, let alone one who actually wants to speak too you…"  
I raise an eyebrow while both of theirs are raised in slight shock.  
They both compose themselves and whisper their apologies as they were somewhat aware with the relationship with my sibling.

"Good. Thank you.  
Now converse…play the deduction game-"  
I walk over to the desk on the other side of the room and pick up a bobble hat.  
"-one of your clients left this."  
I smell it…i cough in retaliation at the offending smell.  
"It shouldn't be too hard. My God! That thing reaks!"  
I chuck it to Sherlock and he catches it, doing a quick scan of it first.

I go to place the heels on and check everything is in order around the house- correcting anything misplaced, before i return to the front room.  
"Who won?"

"Draw."

"What did you get?"  
Mycroft continues too list what they had deduced.

I chuckle slightly.  
"Pass it here."  
Sherlock chucks it too me.  
I look it over for a moment.  
"You forgot one thing…"  
Both brothers look at me in inquiry.  
"Whoever has worn this is a complete loner- they don't really have anyone…ooh! He has a girlfriend! Good man! "

"Go on."

"Its simple. No one who wears that hat outdoors has many friends do they?"

"He? You said he. Why?"

I turn the seam of it up slightly so they could see.  
"Short hairs on the inside of the hat."

"Woman with short hair." Sherlock.

"Probability…you told me anyway."

"Yes but we didn't tell you how we knew." Mycroft.

"Your point being…"

"Your more useful than Sherlock lets on…"

I chortle  
"I doubt it. I more deduction hardly proves that."

"Your right. It proves much more."

I pickup the empty tea cups and put them in the sink while i take any cups that were in the draining board.  
I feel Sherlock's arms around my waist as i was placing things under the counter into the cupboard.  
I feel his hand stroke my side as i stood up straight again.  
"What?"

I see him smile and he just replies  
"Nothing…"  
He leans in to my ear and whispers.  
"I love you /so/ much. Never forget that, no matter what happens."  
I don't know why he was suddenly being so epithetical but i allowed it- it was sweet.  
I turn to him, pressing a kiss too his lips telling him everything that he needed to know:  
I loved him too and that i would remember it for as long as i lived.

I hear Mycroft tap his foot in impatience.  
"The car…"  
Sherlock rolls his eyes in indigence before taking my hand to lead me down the stairs to the car.

-

"Why were you reluctant to go out with anyone else apart from me in uni?"  
The question was a but out of the blue but Mycroft had taken a separate car because he said he need to pick up Alana.

"Apart from the fact that i never had any offers?"

"Yes."

"When you love someone … truly love them, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt - you literally hand them the razor with a map of where to cut deepest and most painfully on your heart and soul.  
I generally couldn't take that risk, with anyone. Apart from you."  
I felt his hand squeeze mine harder.

"Why was i different?"

"You are different. You were willing to listen when no one else would…i saw something else in your eyes when i looked at you. I didn't see condescension or pity. I saw an actual scruple of human emotion which wasn't to judge me. I saw someone who cared-who didn't have to care but they did.  
I saw someone who let no one in try and help someone who they knew nothing about."

I lent in and kissed me sweetly for a moment before breaking away. His thumb stroked my cheek. I could see concern in his eyes.  
"Sherlock? Whats wrong? If you don't want to do this, you don't have to."

"No. I want to do this with all of my heart, but tell me something. Honestly. Please."

I placed my hand upon his own on my face  
"Anything."

He looked to the privacy glass in the car to make sure it was up between us and the driver-it was.  
"Sherlock?…"

"Can i fulfil you?"

"Sherlock. Of course you can. Your all i've ever wanted. I promise you that."

His face was covered in shy residue at what he was about to ask  
"No, i mean sexually…"  
Why was he even asking? Bit of an odd question. Why now at that?

"Why?"

"Because you don't…finish during masturbation…"  
He looked a little bit sheepish to ask but determined for an answer.

"Sherlock…it happens to some women. Some people just cant get tense enough to climax during masturbation.  
What has brought this on?"

"Ive been thinking about it for a while…that it may have been my fault because if i couldn't thrill you enough in bed myself that you couldn't think about us in bed together to make yourself orgasm during masturbation."

"Oh, Sherlock. No. Not at all. Thats not why darling.  
I promise you that.  
The thing is that, for me, fantasies are just that, they will only get me so far. I need some kind of physical contact which isn't my own- sadly that has taken me a while to figure that out.  
Why do you even care darling? You always help me out if I cant climax anyway."

"Your orgasms are my business and i would hate to think that you couldn't sate yourself because i cant do so for you."

"Oh, darling.  
My orgasms are my business, you don't need that kind of pressure. "

"You haven't answered my question."

I press a kiss to his temple. I really hoped the driver couldn't hear us.  
"Sweetie. I love you.  
You fulfil me in every way- sexual and otherwise. You move like you were born to be a lover. You make me feel like the most desirable creature your have ever seen .  
You make me feel so many different ways it is indescribable. You showed me something only you could have done-pleasure- and have continued to make me feel this way, even making the act of sex more enjoyable than it would be otherwise. You know me more than anyone else- you know my body better than i do, you know exactly how to please me.

You are everything i want in a lover, you give me everything and so much more, i cant ask for anything else from you."

He kissed my forehead  
"Whatever you want, i will give you. I promise you."

I run my hand in his hair and play with a curl  
"I want the man i love to know that he makes love just as he deduces:-"  
I place a kiss to his lips after each word which he is only too happy to return.  
"Perfectly.  
Exquisitely. and absolutely."

The car stops outside St Bart's and Sherlock gets out first only to take my hand and go second.  
He places a hand too my back and guides me into the hospital, leading me to the chapel.  
It was about 12:45 so there was a little bit of time left however most of the people were in the chapel bar Mycroft and Alana... I was right she didn't turn up- not yet anyway. 

Molly came up to me, squeezing the air from my lungs.  
"Congratulations. Finally, you two are getting married. I'm so happy for you.  
Thank you for allowing me to be the maid of honour."  
Sherlock had whispered in my ear that he was going to speak to John, i just nodded.

She pulls back from the hug  
"Thank you so much Molly. That's no problem, your my best friend, i couldn't have asked anyone else.  
This will be you and Greg soon- probably a different lay out but the same in format. When is it?"

I see her eyes shine in delight  
"We've decided to place the date in June of next year. Were thinking the 4th."

"That will be lovely. Im glad you have a date now. I hope you are both vey happy."

"Thank you.  
I didn't think you would have these so I've bought you some flowers- i thought since you didn't plan this that you would like some tradition."  
She picked up a bouquet of roses which were lying in the seat where she had sat prior and handed them to me.  
They were red roses. Very much in bloom too, they were very pretty.  
"Thank you so much Molly. You shouldn't have."

"It was the least i could do, you have been such a good friend, i thought you deserved to have some tradition- or at least a gift."  
I pull her in for a hug again as an additional thanks.  
"-i need to ask you something…"

"Of course anything."

"Will you be my maid of honour at my wedding? I was meant to ask you the other night but i must have forgotten…"  
She sound slightly shy.

"Of course i will Molly."  
She breathes a sigh of relief before thanking me.

I see out of the corner of my eye, Mycroft and Alana walk in. I check the time:  
12:59

Sherlock walks up behind me again wrapping his arms around me.  
"Ready?"  
I check the door one more time.  
She's not coming.

"As ready as i'll ever be."  
Mycroft makes his way over too us and hands us both a box with each of our rings.  
I hand mine to Molly while Sherlock hands his to John. 

Mycroft nods at us both in acknowledgement and whispers something in Sherlock's ear- good luck.

The priest asks us if we are ready and we both respond with a yes.  
He asks everyone to take a seat and for us to stand at the alter-i could already see Mrs Hudson smiling from ear to ear.  
We do so and I pass the flowers to Molly who was stood behind me and as i turned back around Sherlock took my hands in both of his own, unsure of what to do.

The priest begins  
"We are gathered here today in holy matrimony to celebrate the marriage of Neave Elizabeth Camden and Sherlock William Scott Holmes.-"

I hear the door open at the back of the room and everyone turns to look at the door- the priest even stopping mid-sentence.  
She walked into the room, long black hair. Black victorian jacket covering a skintight black dress and black heels at the bottom. Her eyeliner on perfectly and her red lipstick standing out amongst the black.  
Following was her boyfriend. Slicked back hair, black suite and…no make- up this time! He looks different from when i saw him last. 

No one in the chapel knew who they were apart from me. I saw Sherlock look between the two of us and he probably didn't make a massive leap.  
They promptly sat down, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible but failing. 

The priest continued.  
"Sorry... Where was i…oh of course.  
My dear friends, you have come together in this church so that the Lord may seal and strengthen your love in the presence of the Church’s minister and this community. Christ abundantly blesses this love. He has already consecrated you in baptism and now he enriches and strengthens you by a special sacrament so that you may assume the duties of marriage in mutual and lasting fidelity.

Sherlock and Neave, have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?"

I go first, stroking the back of Sherlock's hand as i knew that he thought of religion as a bore. As soon as the words 'Lord may strengthen you' i knew Sherlock had the urge to zone out or protest something about the 'God Theory' but i could see he used his better judgement and saw that it was not appropriate nor suitable.  
"I have."

The priest looked too Sherlock  
"I have."

"Will you love and honour each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?"

"I will."

"I will."

"I have been informed that the groom has written his own vows. If you wouldn't mind…"

He motions to Sherlock.  
He had wrote vows?!  
He pulls out a piece of paper and begins to read from it.  
"You have made a life worth living. You have put up with and given so much and i have given so little. I can only thank you for doing so. You bring me back down when i am in the clouds, you make me see the important details of life which i otherwise would miss. Although few people expected me to love anyone for the vast majority of my life- myself included. You have made all the difference and i stand here today because of you and everything you have given me. I have one person to thank and that is my brother.-"  
Mycroft's eyes shoot wide open.  
"- He may be insufferable at times but without him, i would not be standing here today if it were not for him knocking some sense into me- telling me that not all human emotion is futile.  
You are the only puzzle i have yet to solve and i look forward to spending our marriage doing so in order to see the beautiful picture created. I am yours for as long as you will have me."  
Wow…that was beautiful.  
I see all of the women crying slightly in the church.  
Sherlock looks around  
"Did i do something wrong?…"

I chuckle slightly  
"No. They're crying because it was beautiful."  
He still looked confused as too what was going on.

The priest smiled at Sherlock and nodded-…he must know what Sherlock is like.  
He looks at me  
"Have you prepared anything?"

"No, but i didn't expect him to have done so and it was beautiful.  
I would like to say something- it seems right to do so, following that is a hard feat i must admit however i shall attempt to keep up even if some slight plagiarism is needed.

Sherlock William Scott Holmes. You have saved me so many times and so many ways it is unfathomable to most, but not too me. I would not be standing here today if it were not for you, i have never held so much faith in one person in my entire life, nor have i loved so much.  
You are the only human being in which completely fulfils everything love is to me. Sonnet 116 explains it all.  
'Let me not to the marriage of true minds  
Admit impediments. Love is not love  
Which alters when it alteration finds,  
Or bends with the remover to remove:  
O no; it is an ever-fixed mark,  
That looks on tempests, and is never shaken;  
It is the star to every wandering bark,  
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.  
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks  
Within his bending sickle's compass come;  
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,  
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.  
If this be error and upon me proved,  
I never writ, nor no man ever loved. '

You have never left, you have never given up and you have shown more support than any other and Today, i stand before you, the woman you ask to marry and the woman to ask to take for as long as fait shall allow. Too you I say yes."  
I look at Sherlock rather sheepishly and he is just smiling from ear to ear- i didn't see before because i had looked down so i could concentrate on what i was saying- i felt his grip on my hands grow stronger too.

"Thank you both for those. They were very beautiful.

Now. Could we have the rings please.?"  
I turn to Molly and Sherlock turns to John to get the ring boxes from each of them.  
Sherlock had a plain, traditional, gold band which was a symbol to me that he was willing to spend the rest of his life with me. 

He hold the rings in our hands.  
Sherlock had hidden mine in his hand as it was tightly clasped.  
"Could you please give your left hands to each other please."  
We do so understanding why.  
The priest continued and looked at Sherlock  
"Sherlock William Scott Holmes, do you take Neave Elizabeth Camdenfor your lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"

" I do."

"Neave Elizabeth Camden, do you take Sherlock William Scott Holmes for your lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"

"I do."

"You may now exchange the rings..."  
I place his ring on the ring finger of his left hand and he finally gave me a glimpse of my own ring- i could see his hand shaking slightly.  
This ring was matching to the engagement ring he bought me but this time it has a square cut diamond coming from the centre- just as beautiful too. It had engraving as well but i would read that later.

"Does anyone see any reason why this man and woman should not be together? If so, speak now or forever hold your peace."  
The chapel was silent.

"I now pronounce you man, and wife. You may now kiss the bride."  
Sherlock lent in first and joined his lips with my own in a searching kiss which i was only too happy to comply too- my arms wrapped around his neck and his around my waist. I was way too lost in the kiss to notice everyone standing up and clapping.

We both broke the kiss and rested our foreheads on one another. I whispered to him  
"I love you."

"I love you too."  
We both turn back to the guests.  
Molly, Mrs Hudson and Alana are crying.  
Greg and John are congratulating Sherlock while Mycroft is going to do so in a more private manner.  
Chris is trying to figure out how he knows me and Lillith looks shy. 

I only feel Mollys hand on my shoulder before i am spun round to face all of the women.  
"Congratulations Neave dearie…beautiful service." Mrs Hudson

"That was gorgeous. I loved it. Ooh! Come here."Molly pulls me in to a bruising hug.

She wipes away a tear which has formed and sniffles before starting  
"Congratulations Mrs Camden, or should i say Mrs Holmes?" She gives me a wink before she shakes my hand and kisses my cheek.

"Thank you all for coming.  
If you wouldn't mind i would like to speak to someone…"

"Who?" Molly asks

"My sister."  
I turn to where her and Chris were sat and go to meet them.

"Mr Motionless, nice to meet you again, always a pleasure.  
Lilith."

She replies in kind  
"Neave…  
How exactly did you meet Chris…"

"On the set of A.M.E.R.I.C.A, i had to be an actress for one of Sherlock's cases."

Chris' face seems to shine with a new found knowledge and remembrance of who i actually was.  
"Oh, of course! Your the girl in the cage."

"Partially, yes.  
Im so glad i could make a lasting impression…  
How are your band?"

"Good. Good. We've made a few more albums and won some awards since i last saw you."

"A few albums…5 is not a few, and 16 awards isn't some. You need to either be less modest or less obvious about the fact you don't want to feel like your hiding anything considering the fact you've ignored me for 7 years now, nearly 8."

"Don't start."

"Don't start?! You leave Newcastle, i don't hear from you for nearly 8 years and you ignore me at every post and you expect me to take a 'don't start?!'  
My voice was escalating slightly from a very hushed shout to audible speech.  
I feel a set of arms wrap around me- Sherlock's. He must have noticed my voice escalating- it immediately calmed me somewhat.  
I introduce him.  
"Sherlock, darling, this is Lilith and her partner Chris, whom you've already met."  
He just extends them a courteous nod of his head to both of them before there was silence.

Lilith spoke up  
"So your the man who has tamed her?"

"I suppose it could be said but if it was it would be a disservice and an insult to her so no. I wouldn't quite use the word tame either."

"Of course not. Maybe silencing of the banshee…"  
I take a deep breath and exhale.

"Oh i forgot Neavie doesn't like me pissing her off. Soo long since i last saw you…I'm sorry the diet didnt work.  
You got through Uni too, dad was telling me, what a waste of £12,000 that was. You work in an office.

Your shackled down now though. I suppose you have what you've always wanted, someone who will put up with you."  
Even Chris tells her- in a hushed tone.  
"Thats enough."

"Excuse me?!"

"Thank you for that Lilith, remind yourself next time you think to speak to me or about me in such a manner that i have done more for you than you ever have. I practically raised you in our teenage years.

Let me put this in terms you will understand…  
'Open your mind before your fucking mouth.'  
Now, i very much appreciate the fact that you have decided to come albeit, slightly late, not that that's a surprise- you'd be late for your own funeral- i could do without the attitude because your sounding like a bitchy teenager to be quite frank. 

Were going to a resteraunt for a meal, if you would like to come, feel free but think about how you will behave.  
We're the same age, act it.  
The resteraunt is called Sapori. We may see you there if you can take an attitude adjustment. 

Chris it has been a pleasure meeting you again."  
I shake his hand.

I then turn back to the rest of the guests- my real family.  
"Is everyone ready?"  
I see a flow of nods and 'yeses escape peoples lips.

-  
We arrive at the resteraunt and Sherlock addresses the maitre dee  
"We have a table booked at 2:00 for Holmes party of 9… make that 11 just incase 2 more show up."

"Of course sir."

He leads us to the table and seats us all so we can look over the menu.

We eventually order drinks and a meal which we devour over general conversation between all of us which seemed to lighten the mood of things all together. We even chatted about little baby Harry. 

All in all it was a lovely afternoon. Sherlock was a little but more 'touchey feely' than normal…well in public anyway. He always had his hand on my knee under the table or laced with mine when able, he would even- when i lay my head against him- start lightly stroking my collarbone and he kept trying to kiss me…not that i was complaining but as i said- it was unusual behaviour especially considering the little…problem we had just went through and the fact that he was in public. He was much more of an 'affection in private' kind of man. Out there he was 'The Famous Consulting Detective' at home however…he was mine in every way i asked of him- i tried to keep his work and private time separate as much as possible- my god! I sound like his PA! 

We enjoyed the meal, that was the main thing.  
We all left about 4:30 and Sherlock made our excuses to leave- Greg just let out a wolf whistle! Molly…suffice to say, playfully slapped his arm. Everyone just laughed- note to self, get a few drinks down Greg more often, he loosens up ALOT more- not so 'Detective Inspectory.'

-  
When we arrived home he doesn't give me a chance to sit down before he had be back standing again. 

He selected a song on his phone- the violin started and he took my hand subtly teaching me the moves.

"Is this you? Did you compose this?"

"It was me. Pre-recorded. Pretty simple really, you just transfer-"  
I silence him with a kiss.

"Its beautiful. I never knew you composed. I thought you just played."

"I have composed many times- i composed the piece at John and Mary's wedding."  
He spun me out and back in again so my back was to his front and he took my other hand so my arms were crossed over myself in his own. 

"You have a talent. They are both very beautiful pieces."  
He sways me from side to side.

"Thank you. I was hoping you would like this."

"Why?"

"I composed it for you."  
He nuzzles his face into my neck and pulls out some folded pieces of paper- sheet music.

'My one Love' By Sherlock Holmes…  
For Mrs Holmes.  
I turn round and bring his lips down to my own until his lips are about 5 mm away from my own and ask  
"What is the secret behind the name?"  
He was so close i was breathing his air. I could smell him. Feel him.

"Simple.  
I have never cared for another human being…before you."  
I close the distance between us and I connect his lips with my own, wrapping my arms around his neck.

It lasted forever, the kiss went on for the most perfect moments of my life.  
We continued to kiss for the minuets which proceeded and neither of us tried to break for air. Whatever we got from out noses had to be enough.

We eventually had to break it and i rested my forehead against his chin and he just continues to rock slightly with me while the music was replaying in the background.

"Now…that nightmare…"  
I knew where this was going- he was relentless.  
"Yes…what about it?"

"Are you going to tell me?"  
I could feel his hand drawing circles on my back.

"Why?"

"It has been proven that dreams or nightmares can otherwise be a reflection of our deepest fears."

"And what do you hope to gain from this?"

"Insight."

"Into me or into nightmares."

"Both."  
He spins me around on the spot with my hand held above my head.

"Ok.  
Well…it was dark-Pitch black actually- and i was lying in bed and i could see something getting closer and closer to the bed. I began to say prayers in hope that it would send this 'thing' or demon away. I said the prayers over and over with my eyes clamped shut in fear, trying to get this thing to go away.  
I could feel myself hyperventilating. Eventually it slowly began to get further away from the bed and there was a light glowing on the sealing- the further he got away, the more the light dimmed.  
It never said a word, it just was there, in the darkness- i just knew what it wanted and i have no idea why."

"What did it want?"

"To drag me out of the bed, torture me and drag me to hell…"  
My God! How neurotic was that?! He probably thought i was mental.

He kissed my head  
"Oh, i see…"

"So what does that tell you?"

"Are you scared of the dark?"

"What?! Im a grown woman."

"Thats not an answer."

"No. Of course not."

"I can give you an analysis if you don't tell the truth."

"Ok…not 'the dark' dark but yes.  
I can sleep in a dark room but i cant deal with the darkness an have no control over it."  
He lets go of me and scrambles around looking for something.

"What are you looking for?!"

"Phone."

"Jacket pocket?"  
He checks there and sure enough it is there.

"What are you doing?!"

"Research."  
He scrolls through his phone for a few moments before going into the calendar and flicking back a few months.  
"-come here."

"What?"  
He makes me look at his phone.  
"And this is?"

"The dates of every power cut over the past 2 years in this side of London."

"And the calendar."  
He flicks through  
"The dates coincide, all of them. January 8th, May 22nd, 14July, 16 August, 3rd September.  
The dots on the calendar! They all match with power cuts!"  
He looks elated.

"This is important because…"

"Every time i came home and you were asleep on the sofa, i recorded it. They all coincide with dates for power cuts…it all makes sense."

"What does?!"

"Why you wouldn't sleep in a bed sometimes.  
It is because there was a power cut and you didn't want to leave the one spot you knew you were safe because you were scared."  
Damn. I was hoping he wouldn't have figured it out- ever.  
I swallowed heavily.  
"-your not scared of the dark, your scared of whats in the dark. It all makes sense, why didn't i see this before?!"  
He picked me up and spun me around while twirling before slowing and putting me down.

"Your not happy. Why are you not happy?"

"Because its embarrassing. Why are you so happy?!"  
He just strokes the side of my face

"Because it gets me into your head a little fraction. I cant get anywhere close to what your thinking or anything else for that matter. I cant just deduce you. I have to…work!"  
Im not going to lie- i felt happy for him that he was proud of himself, however…i also felt slightly intimidated that he now knew this.

"Don't read into this please."  
He finally comes down from us slightly elated state and he finally looks into my eyes- he sees what i felt towards how far this was going: fear.

He looked at me inquisitively, completely clueless as to why i was scared.  
"Why?"  
I sighed 

"Because your in my head- no one should be in my head. I have no control over how far they go or how much they see."

"And what if i were to see everything?"  
He places a hand upon my cheek

"You wouldn't love me."

He placed his lips mm away from my ear and whispered  
"You let me into your head a long time ago- i have never seen far enough into it to say that i will ever solve you, however, seeing what i have…i love you more."  
I feel him press a kiss to the side of my ear.

I sighed in relief but then…he started to venture down.  
I felt his hands begin to rome the confines and plains of my dress more as he began to continuously press kisses to my ear before they got more adventurous- his tongue tracing the shell of my ear down to my earlobe.  
His teeth and lips tugged at the lobe making me moan.  
"Lets make up for some lost time hmm?  
4 months…i believe that calls for at least 4 orgasms, don't you?"

"What?!"  
I had never even thought about 4 in one session…ever! Never mind getting close to that!

"You heard me. 4 orgasms. Before tonight is out, you /will/ experience 4 orgasms."  
I swallowed harshly.

"Now, now. I know how to play you a well as i know how to play the violin. These hands have to have something making beautiful sounds within them or they just aren't happy. Have some faith.

Where do you want me to start?"

I whimper helplessly- he already had me.  
"Neck."

"Brilliant choice darling."  
He began his long path up my neck and i began to mewl under his ministrations, until he latched onto the spot behind my ear which had me cursing to the stars as my legs wanted to give way.

I felt his hands reach up behind me and unzip my dress, tracing the skin as he pulled down the zip.  
He puts his hands at the straps where he helps to pull the dress down- i tried not to make any noises of exertion while trying to push this thing from my body because that would ultimately take away from the moment- i pushed it down finally and it fell to my ankles where his hands, which were on my waist, supported me as i placed my hands on his shoulders to step out of the dress and kick it away off to the side.

I remained only in a strapless bra, matching knickers and the purple heels to match the dress. 

He placed one hand on my waist and one behind my head before pulling me in for a passionate kiss.  
I begin to undo the buttons on his shirt, pulling the bottoms from where they were tucked into his dress pants.  
I didn't push the shirt of, oh no. I took the rose from the lapels of his suite and I pinned it into my hair, moving one of the clips so i could do so.  
Then, and only then, did i push the shirt and the tailed jacket from his chest. I smoothed my hands over the toned chest which i knew only too well.  
He kisses my temple closest too the rose and i feel the grip on my waist tighten.  
"Is that suite tailored?"

"Of course it is."  
He answered as if it were a stupid question.

"Good."  
I took his hand and laced it with my own before leading him to the bedroom.  
"What are you doing?"

"If you do this. I'll keep the heels on. Deal."

He doesn't even consider  
"Deal."

"All you have to do is bend over. Take off the shoes and socks and bend over. Ok?"  
I bit my lip and fluttered my eyelashes slightly to make myself seem innocent.

He does so and bends over the bed slightly with his hands and knees on the bed.  
I had a perfect view of his arse, just as i wanted. I ran both of my hands up his thighs- i felt them tense as i grew closer to where he wanted me- until i reached his arse, where i squeezed it and pressed myself against him.  
I whisper in his ear seductively, drawing the words out.  
"Good, boy…"  
I ran my hands too the front of his trousers where i undid his belt- pulling it from the loops and tossing it to the other side of the room, the clatter unheard by either of us, both focusing on the other.  
I unbuttoned his trousers and pulled down the zip, reaching my hand inside of his pants without removing them first.  
I hear his breath stutter slightly.  
I firmly grasped his aching erection through his boxers.  
His arms nearly gave way at the surprise sensation.  
"Such a good boy today aren't we?"  
I start stroking the shaft and he moans.  
"So big. So hard, all for me."  
His hips begin to undulate into my hand and he begins too loose himself in the sensation and he allowed it…for a few moments.

"St-stop."  
He places a hand over mine an stopped me from stroking him, noticing he was loosing control of the situation.  
He turned around to lower me to my back an he pinned my hands there  
"No, please, i want to touch you. Baby, please…"  
He looked up and saw the pleading in my eyes and he knew i only called him baby when i was desperate- or in the throws of passion (both of which applied.)

He let my wrists go and i immediately wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss which was more passion and fire than anything else, he responded in kind, his hips pressing harshly into my centre releasing only some of the pressure.

His hand crept down my stomach and below the waistband of my knickers where he began to rub my clit. My eyes closed at the sensations and my breathing began to labour.  
A breathy whimper of his name escaped my lips through the kisses.

It had been way too long since Sherlock and I had slept together.  
His hand continued to rub insistently and i moaned and mewled until all i wanted was him inside of me.  
Sweat was beginning to plaster my forehead and my breath was shaky.

"Sherlock, please…"

He just kissed me and i responded in a pavlovian manner- I coaxed my tongue in his mouth immediately, taking control of the kiss and he pressed his hips into my own slightly harder, i just grabbed his arse and pulled him as close as possible.

He broke the kiss in favour of piercing me with his eyes which had no colour left in them but an extremely thin ring of blue.  
I whisper to him nothing but a command which would break his revere.  
"Strip."

He stands and removes the clothes he has left, keeping his eyes on me the entire time.  
When he is completely naked before me he goes to kneel in the middle of the bed, his impressive erection at attention. I all the while was at the top of the bed waiting for him to make a move.  
He reaches over and puts a hand at the toes of my heels before venturing his hands up my legs, under each of my bent knees- dominance the only thing visible in his eyes.  
He drags me down to the centre of the bed using only the grip on my legs and promptly spread them so he could get between my legs- my god that was HOT…my breath got torn from my lungs, my heart was pounding; that single action making me want nothing more than for him to devour my body. There, and then.

He leaned over me whispering in that sinful baritone.  
"What do you want?"  
My breath hitched at his proximity alone and it didn't go unnoticed as he pushed his lips to my ear so he was all i could concentrate on.

I could only whisper one word  
"You."

"Come now…Mrs Holmes, there must be something…"

"Nothing…do whatever you want, just ravish me."

"Very well."  
His hands venture down and play with the band of my underwear before running his palm down the front, feeling the soaking wetness which had formed there, he only exacerbated the problem by placing pressure there so there was more contact and all i could feel was my juiced against my centre, driving me crazy.

He finally pulls them off and discards them too the floor before going for my bra, wasting no time in tossing it too the floor so we were both equal now- blissfully naked, pressed against one another.  
I felt the tip of his erection against my entrance- what i wouldn't give for him to let me have him- he teased my entrance, sending volts up my core and my spine.  
"Baby, please."

He lined himself up with my entrance an pushed in, my walls enveloping him.  
"Yes!…"  
The pressure of him being inside me felt fantastic after so long.  
He placed kisses over my face rocking slightly as he did so.  
"Harder, faster. Please."

He only bites my ear, i can feel him smiling.  
"Ready? No holding back?"

I nod my head making a noise of approval.  
He pulls back before thrusting back in at a extremely punishing pace  
"YES! GOD! Don't stop!"  
He keeps on going at the same speed over and over into my throbbing heat.  
"Oh darling, so tight for me."

He kept that punishing pace going over and over sending me closer to the precipice that my body needed.

"Oh Sherlock, my god, baby! Im so close…i need to…mmmm"  
The way he moved his hips and the state my body was in it wasn't long before i was close to the sweet release i couldn't have for 4 months.  
He knew how to work me, he knew how to play me with every movement, driving me closer and closer to a release worth murdering for.  
My core getting tighter and tighter as the coil of tension only tortured me more.  
His long, thick shaft pumped in and out of me like it was made to give me pleasure. My back arched and i was too far-gone and I couldn't deny it. I kept holding on to the piece of reality i needed as Sherlock brought me further and further to the abyss. I drew closer and closer, my moans only getting louder as i needed this release more than any other. 

One- two- three! Thrusts and my back snaps as my orgasm crashes over me like a tidal wave, i moan my release- biting back a scream- as Sherlock continues to thrust into me, prolonging the bliss- my heels digging into the mattress. Sherlock keeps on going enabling me to be a beacon of sensitivity for the pleasure radiating from his movements.  
My body completely spend, my limbs shaking and spasming. He comes inside me just as i come down from my orgasm, with a strangled shout of 'yesss…"

He slowed his movements gradually to a stop where his head collapsed upon my shoulder and his body was pressed against mine in a state of complete exhaustion while we both gained some rational thought as well as our breaths which were gasping from heaving chests.

I ran my hand through the curls on his head as he had his face in between the spot where my neck and my shoulder met. He pressed a kiss to my neck where his head was buried. I sighed in contentment and he reached between us and he fully pulled out of me- the feeling of fullness leaving me gradually.

My legs were still shaking and weak while i could feel Sherlock's grip on me get tighter as he pulls me for an embrace, taking in my scent as if he were going to loose it. 

 

"I love you…no matter how hard i try, i love you. I need you.  
I've always needed you…that is why I married you."

I kisses him like i was drowning. He was never this open- with anyone. He chose to be when it really mattered.

He broke the kiss, almost reluctantly.  
"We must keep our energy yet. I still have to cook."

I trace patterns in his chest as i kiss up the side of his neck  
"I think you have an excuse to get out of cooking…"

"I cant. Me cooking is only the beginning of what i had planned."

"What would your plan entail."

"One desert and me being the one eating it."

I was lost  
"Why?…"

"You will see, eventually."

"I'll hold you too that."

He let out a loud exhale.  
"What's wrong?"

"We have to get dressed again if i have to cook."  
I groan in reluctance and i roll from the top of him.  
He presses a kiss to my forehead and he stood up from the bed and placed on his person, a new pair of boxers to join his blue dressing gown which he placed on top.  
He puts his hand out for me to take and helped me out of bed but my legs buckled slightly and he managed to catch me.

I just laughed and tried to brace my legs more as, apparently, the effects from the previous actions hadn't worn off yet.  
"Well thats one thing that can get ticked from your bucket list…"  
I laughed at myself as my legs were like Bambi trying to take its first steps…well similar anyway.

"What?"

"Every man has a sexual bucket list which ultimately boosts their ego. One thing always on the list is fucking a woman in such a way that they cant stand."

"I have no idea what your talking about."

"So you dont feel a little bit of pride that your having to hold me up?"

"No."

"Sherlock…"

"Maybe…"  
He helped me finally so i could stand and so i was able to walk and let me get dressed.  
I naturally had to get some new underwear to put on- emerald green ones.  
I just tied my dressing gown at my waist and went to meet Sherlock who had already began preparing food.

I washed my hands- during which he put his hands behind me and goes to wash an onion to get any extra layers off so my hands were strategically placed above my head so he had some more room.

He turned his head to capture my lips in his own which i returned.

-  
Soon enough he had all of the preparation done as well as the cooking with little help and he even set the table and refused any help whatsoever with desert…why? What did he have planned?  
-  
7 pm

"Enjoy."  
He said ad he set down the plate, it looked fantastic!  
My favourite too- muscles in white whine, cream and garlic.

Im surprised he could cook this…i'm surprised he could cook at all.

I took my first bite and an ungodly noise escaped my lips, for which i immediately covered my mouth…this was the best tasting meal I've ever had in my life.  
He could see it in my reaction.

I saw him smile an his ego grow at the sight of such a reaction.  
"/Where/ did you learn to cook?"  
I ask in awe.

"My mother mostly, through tedious sunday afternoons, ready for father coming home from work- otherwise? I just picked it up."

"Sweetie, you do not just 'pick up' how to do something that tastes like this…i must really thank your mother."

"I wouldn't, she would probably tell you a long and tedious story with no actual plot."

"And i would listen graciously."

He chuckles lightly.  
"Im sure you would."

"What did your parents do when you were younger?"

"My father worked in politics while my mother owned a flower shop on the outskirts of London."

"Does she still have it?"

"Good, God no. She sold it about 5 years ago…retirement if i remember correctly.  
What about your mother?"  
He looked up at me in inquiry but he knew this was a touchy subject. 

"You can ask, there is no harm in doing so. No need to look as if your treading on a mine field.

She sold hair products."  
He held my free hand across the table and drew circles on the back of my hand with his thumb.

"Your dad, what did he do?"

I chuckled lightly  
"You know about him."

"When you were younger."

I smile at the fond memories.  
"A DJ still. He has been most of his life but he became a delivery driver throughout the week when i was in my teens.  
He always made us laugh, made jokes.  
He always made sure we were cared for and bought us little presents every now and then. 

He would show us new things and ask for very little. He worked all he could for us- until the early hours in the morning but he would still take us to school every day…"

"But…"

"There is no but."

"Your micro expressions say otherwise."

"Fine…  
he didn't tell me or Lilith that my grandmother had cancer.  
We had to figure it out…i can only fault him on that- he scared me a little bit too when i was younger but that is normal for dad's."

"Why don't you love her?- your mother."  
Now he was treading on a mine field. I told him so.

"I resent her… i have since my teenage years."  
It sounded too cruel to even admit.

"Why?"

"She was manipulative, lazy, expectant, hypocritical and ignorant."

"Go on…"

"No…its not important."  
He kisses the back of my hand

"It obviously is. Go on, i'll listen."

"I don't have a single memory of her looking after me and my sister up to the age of about 12.  
Even when we were about 8 i remember emptying the sink on a daily basis when we got up for school by her command- every single morning.  
After that, i was old enough too look after myself and Lilith.  
Her days off would consist of lying in bed all day sleeping or laying on the settee watching TV and when i would get back from school there would be a list of tasks in memory for us to do when she has had all day to do them before we had any chance to even sit down. 

She didn't come on holiday with us one year because she didn't want to be with my dad- we went to a theme park.

She didn't come to my first drama performance because she didn't want to be sat with my dad but she told people it was because she was at work too not make it seem as bad- she couldn't even put her irrational issues with my dad behind her for 2 hours but she would more than happily ask for favours from him.

She would take my tablets which i was prescribed to help with allergies on a night time and the main effect was drowsiness. She was hooked on her own painkillers too, borrowing them from family when she couldn't get any more.

She would sometimes borrow money from me and my sister, whether it be pocket money or birthday money so she could buy herself some vodka. She would drink copious amounts of vodka because she kept buying quarter litre bottles.

She would place so much pressure on both me and Lilith to do well in school- thats when i started to break down slowly. Pressure from school, my self and my mother made me deteriorate.  
When she was meant to get me an appointment with a therapist, she never did because she would rather have prefered to think i was fine- she never knew that i wanted to kill myself.

She wouldn't care what i was doing, there was always something i had to do for her.  
I wasn't allowed to go to college because i had to go to 6th form- that is what /she/ wanted.

She had threatened that she was close to hitting me at least twice because of apparent cheek- which meant anything said against what she had.

We were never told her and my father were splitting up. They probably thought we were too young to understand.

She would slap our arses and say it was fine because 'she was our mother and she created it' eventually, i just became very flinchey around her.

I even remember her saying that she had put her job in front of her kids for 15 years and she wouldn't do it any longer-  
by then, it was too late."  
A single tear fell from my eyes and my hand was clung in a fist around the fork i had in my hand in anger of recoiled memories.

I got up from the table quickly pushing my chair out and i grabbed the now empty plate to take to the sink. I lent over too kiss his temple

"That was lovely darling, thank you."  
He placed a hand too my wrist and stood looking into my eyes.

"Neave, I didn't mean to make you angry or sad, I'm sorry."  
He took the plate from my right hand and placed it back on the table before wrapping me in a warm embrace.

"Dont be, your just curious. I haven't spoken much about my family, i understand."  
I just held him tight.  
"-i like this; you comfort me even when you don't need too.  
How about your family?"

"It was my brothers company for most of my childhood.  
He was the idiot until i met other children…"  
I laughed  
"My mother looked after us a few times a week when she wasn't at work and my father would take us all out for picnics in the hills.  
It would give me a chance to exercise deduction on strangers- a good exercise actually, very informative.

Other children hated me- i found children just as tedious. Sure enough Mycroft became my main source of amusement. 

Parks were my crime scenes at that point. Grazed knees and bruises for deduction."

"It sounds like a lovely childhood. Very calm. What did you want to be? When you were younger."

"I wanted to be a pirate for a while actually- i have no idea why."

"You mean Captain Jack Sparrow pirate?"

He looks bewildered  
"Who?"

"Never mind. Not important.  
Is that why your dog was called Red Beard?"

"Yes actually, it was."

"That is so cute!"

"I wouldn't use cute as the correct adjective."

"I couldn't imagine you as a pirate. I think you would have made a good one though."

"And what do you mean by that?"

"If you were the captain you would be reasonably safe. If you were a crew member, i would imagine you would get keelhauled for insolence and intimidation."

"Keelhauled?"

"All you need to know is that its a form of torture."

He pulled me so i was directly facing him and led me too the sofa.  
"Lie here and close your eyes."  
I did so without question resting the heels i was still adorning on the arm rest. 

I heard him entering the room once more and he set some things down on the table.  
"Are you ready?"

"For what?"  
My eyes still remained closed.

"Dessert."

"Shouldn't we be at the table?"

"Not necessarily…actually, i need you lying on the floor.  
Keep your eyes shut."

He grasped one of my hands and led me to stand, he carefully led me a few steps and then helped me to sit on the floor.  
"Lie back."  
I did so and lay fully on the floor. 

"Better."  
He seemed to approve of his own work so far.

I hear him kneel down beside me- he lowers his head to my ear whispering.  
"I said 4. I intend to give you 4, i believe you still have at least 3 beautiful orgasms left."  
He placed a stray strand of hair that had fallen from where it was pinned back behind my ear.

I swallowed harshly at his words- i knew what he was talking about.  
I jumped at the contact initially but he traced his hands down my ribs, over my black, silk dressing gown, down to the tie at my waist, where he untied it and pushed the material to the sides so he could see what was underneath.

The material pooled at each side of my waist so my body was exposed as well as the garments underneath.  
I feel him pull the tie from my dressing gown and he asks me to lift my head, which i do- i see where this is going.  
He ties it around my eyes and completely disabled me from opening my eyes.  
My head was slightly uncomfortable with the pins sticking into my head as well as the knot from the make-shift blind fold.

I only feel the radiated heat leave me and hear his footsteps as he walks away.  
"You aren't going to leave me here!"

"Calm down. i'll be 2 minuets."  
He comes back a few moments later and some more things are placed on the nearest table.

I feel his hands run down my ribs and trace the outline of them as he leans down to whisper in my ear  
"Don't be alarmed by what i am about to do but you cannot make amy sudden movements throughout some of this."

Ok…i had lost what he was doing…i was worried about what he was doing.  
I nodded from assent and curiosity.

"Good."  
He pressed a kiss too my lips which i returned.  
"Lets start with the fun…we'll build it up."

I heard him pick up something from the closest table and…the lifting of a cap?  
I feel his tongue probe my mouth and i allow him access…he tastes like chocolate.  
I moan into the kiss.  
"Tell me what that was and you can have more.

"Strawberry sauce?"

He keeps his word and allows me more so my whole mouth is covered in a sweet, strawberry taste with his tongue being the element at which he gave the taste.  
He pulls back after a while and i whine slightly at the loss of contact. 

I feel something getting dripped onto my chest and down my stomach- i make a noise of surprise initially at the cold contact of whatever was touching my skin.  
My hands fist at my sides, resisting the urge to rip the blindfold off.

The sensory deprivation was making any and all contact seem all the more delicate and delightful.  
His hands reach up for a firm grip on my ribs while he towers back over to my neck where he starts his slow descent downwards, licking down my chest, where i feel the liquid getting licked from its trail on my chest.

He licks further downwards to where my breasts are and he is obstructed by my bra- he just unhooks it from the front and lets the cups fall to the sides while he positions his hands upon my breasts where he massages them while still licking the liquid from the well in between my breasts. 

He continues to venture down my stomach down the trail of liquid where i could feel his teeth scrape my skin every now and then and it only made me enjoy this little task more.  
He finally gets to the bottom of my stomach and i feel his fingers brush the band of my knickers where he plays with it for a moment- his tongue still swirling on my navel.  
I can feel the curls of his hair tickling my stomach as his head moves.

His hands move so they are on my thighs and they go all the way down to the bottom of my legs, where my heels are. He takes them off and chucks them- i assume he did, all i heard was a clatter at the other end of the room.

He first slid his hands up my right leg and kissed up my inner thigh gently as he did so. He repeated the action with the left leg, making my breath hitch and my heart pound in excitement.  
He finally slides his hands under my knickers to my arse where he squeezes firmly and pulls my hips up so my the pressure is on my shoulders and i was pressed against him- i could feel his erection pressing against me through his boxers.

I whimpered as he continued to grind my hips against him.  
He does slowly stop grinding me but only in favour of stripping the last garment- my knickers- pulling them from my legs so i fas fully naked for him, however, he wasn't done.

I heard him shift slightly and i feel his heat radiating from him so i could feel him towering above me. He kissed up my neck, where i liked apart from the spot behind my ear. I tilt my neck too the side to lead him in that direction. I feel something cold behind my ear and i make a surprised noise  
"What is that?!"

"Taste…"  
he puts a spoon to my mouth and i open for him, and taste what he is giving me…he didn't  
I moan at the distinct taste…  
"I haven't had this in years! How fid you remember--"  
He silences me with a kiss. He was putting ice cream on my neck- bubblegum ice cream, which i hadn't had since i was about 14…i had only mentioned that once- how did he…

He goes back to behind my ear where the icy liquid had melted from the heat of my skin. He licked up the liquid dessert and still remained a few mm away from the sweet spot.  
"Sherlock please, a little further down…"

He ignores me and continues to ravish my neck- but not where i really needed him too.  
I moaned beneath him- still completely blindfolded.

"I swear to God, if you don't…"  
He slams his mouth against my own and kisses me with more passion and vigour than before, his tongue demanding access to my mouth with i am only too happy to give. I taste…the ice cream and chocolate on his tongue, giving me a glimpse of what he has been licking off my body.

He breaks off leaving my lips swollen and i wanted more.  
"I said we would be having dessert- i meant I- you are dessert. I am going to devour you until you are left a shaking, crumbling, heap of orgasmic bliss."

My breath became shaky and he was driving me crazy with lust.  
He then- and only then- latched onto my sweet spot behind my ear and i groaned as i had an outlet of frustration where i moaned shamelessly at his actions.

He stopped far too soon and he moves downwards and i felt him lift my legs over his shoulders.  
I felt his breath against my centre before he latched onto me- making me almost scream at the sudden burst of pleasure throughout my spine because i had no idea what he was going to do next but not being able to see only made it better.  
It felt like i could feel the heat of his tongue as he moved it, devouring me like i was his only chance to survive. 

His tongue drew obscure circles on my lips, making me whimper and lace my fingers in his hair.  
Every time he moaned, it reverberated straight to my clit and made me moan his name louder.  
His to tongue dipped in and out of me and sent volts of electricity through my body.  
All of the attention was far too much and i was beginning to crest but i needed him to touch my clit- which he was deliberately avoiding.

He drank down all of my juices and used his tongue to to best of his ability to drive me too the edge of insanity. He moved slightly but he didn't stop with the torture- he slipped up. When he moved his nose was touching my clit and with every movement of his head came a perfect movement to provide stimulation, which as soon as he slipped up, my back snapped up and a helpless whimper of his name escaped my lips which broke his control and he attacked my clit with his expert tongue where i was on the brink in seconds.  
"Ohh, Sherlock…darling…don't stop, please."

"Come for me."  
He changes his technique slightly and i come in rapid succession moaning his name while he rode my release out. I feel him crawl up to my neck again to kiss up my throat and i feel him slam into me…a singe of pain pushes through my body  
"Ahh!"

He pulls the blindfold off where my eyes are shut in slight pain.  
"My God, Neave i am so sorry, i didn't hurt you did I? I don't know what came over me, i am so sorry darling."  
He looks so apologetic and so sad.

"No, no. Its fine!  
I just…wasn't quite expecting that."

"Im so sorry, i didn't mean to hurt you. I would never hurt you my darling, please forgive me-"  
He looked completely and utterly ashamed- like he had just tried to stab me an i had caught him.

"Sherlock, calm down. It is completely fine. It doesn't matter."  
I tilt his head so his gaze is completely upon me.  
"-I know you would never hurt me- i trust you. There isn't anything to forgive.

Don't worry, just give me a few moments to adjust, ok?"  
He nodded slightly and i ran a hand through his raven curls to reassure him while i adjusted to the slight pain which was now dramatically subsided. 

I ran a hand up the length of his back as a signal that the pain had subsided, however, he still seemed unsure.  
I whispered to him so the only sound between us were my words.  
"Im fine. You can move, it wont hurt me, i promise."

He begins to move slowly at first, just to unsure that he wasn't hurting me…the pain had completely dissipated and I was now just feeling pleasure as my walls were still slightly sensitive from my previous orgasms- i could feel that his erection had somewhat wavered at the thought of having hurt me, after a few moments of verbal endearments and motions inside me, i felt him swell to full size once more.

He became more courageous with his movements as my moans filled the air, and soon his were laced within them…god…when he moaned- with that gorgeous baritone…it could turn a devout nun into a hot and bothered mess.  
What it did to me…was indescribable- this, usually so quiet, emotionless (to most people), intelligent, calculative creature was mine for the taking and he was giving into pleasure- dropping all prior illusions of emotionlessness to give in to what his body wanted, what his body wanted to give…it was, well…it was something else.

His hips moved in such a way that it made me chant his name as he took me.  
He laced his movements with kisses as he drove me higher.  
He continued to move and bring us pleasure until his arms were shaking from keeping his full upper weight while trying to suppress an impending orgasm. He lowered himself of his forearms so there was less strain in holding himself up.

I raked a hand through his curls and began to play with his ear as i knew that was a sensitive spot for him- lightly nipping the skin there only for it to replaced with my hot tongue laving over it. I pull at the lobe and suck on it and he lets out a moan of my name in response.  
He slows slightly in his movements and whispers too me  
"On a scale of 1-10 how close are you to coming? 1 being not at all- 10 being I'm cumming."

"About an eighhht…Ahh…eight point five.  
You?"

"About a 9.5…"

"Then come for me darling…"

"This is about your pleasure not mine. You must come before i follow."

"Come for me and i will take pleasure from you as you do so."  
He couldn't suppress it any longer and he could feel that hot coil in his abdominal muscles get tighter.  
He gave 3 more thrusts before he buried his head in my breasts and his orgasm washed over his features.  
Seeing his face wash over with his release drove me over the edge moaning his name- when his orgasm had subsided he began to play with my clit to ride out my orgasm.

When we were both sated of sexual desires and left breathless from our orgasms, we just lay there and allowed time to pass as he lay with his head in between my breasts and my hand running through his hair.

We lay there for about 20 minuets, not a word spoken between us. He eventually pulled out from inside me and stood, taking me with him. He sat me on the edge of the bath while he turned the taps on- i could feel the sticky residue on my skin from the various things he pained on my body, i could even see some smears of chocolate on my abdomen.

He sat on the side of the bath with me until the bath was drawn and once completed he pushed my dressing gown and from my shoulders where they weren't fully rid of before. He leads me into the bath where he follows and sits behind me where he begins to remove the hair pins which kept my hair in place.  
I didn't have long hair but it was enough to pin up. He carefully pulled each pin out and place them all into a pile outside of the bath. He shook my hair out so it was in its- albiet, more natural state- fluffy and thick. He just ran his hands through my hair dampening it and eventually managed to soak it with the help that i tilted my head back for him.

We just lay in the warm water for a while before i took his hand and laced it with my own… i saw some marks on his arm which i had never payed attention too because i could never bring myself to do so- i looked at the singular collapsed blood vessel on his arm and some of the marks from where he had injected himself. Sadly these were the scars he has to bear- representing the battle with drug abuse. I kissed the marks on his left arm.

This surprised him, he knew how i felt about them.  
"You have your scars-"  
I kiss his scars once more  
"-i have mine."  
I lift my leg up slightly so my thigh is out of the water- he uses his fingers to trace the scars on my thigh.  
"- i cant have you any other way and i cant treat you by double standards.  
I cant ask you not to harm yourself when I have done, only through a different medium.

If you promise me you will never, take drugs again, i will swear too you that i will never self harm again."

He looks at me with genuine contentment in his eyes, laced with slight concern.  
He just tilts my head slightly and leans in to kiss me tenderly.  
"Deal."

"Happy anniversary Sherlock."  
He laces his left hand with my own and looks at the rings on our fingers before whispering back.

"Happy anniversary Neave."

7 years. We had made it through 7 years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit…this is longer than i thought.   
> 16000 words…sorry.


	15. *Flashback*/ Following instruction

He was back and more dangerous than ever.

A pair of trainers.  
That's all he left- it would take us on a wild chase to find the solution to his story. He gave us time but he limited Sherlock's. 

He never spoke but he always made contact and that terrified me to the core- eventually he would have to come out of hiding and i didn't know what he would do- non of us would.

-  
5 and a half months later…(9:30 pm)

"What is heroin like?.…to take i mean?   
What does it feel like?"  
I didn't know if that was at all a good question but I did want to know.

He looked at me and answered quite plainly, without a shadow of doubt.  
"It feels like drinking 100 bottles of whisky with someone sucking your cock."

I looked at him in awe of his answer…a very specific answer at that.   
"Really?"

He nodded, continuing to flick through his phone.

I heard a knock at the door, i answered quickly as i was stood at the door to the hallway.

Greg was stood there with about 5 police officers behind him and a larger man stood next to him- a superior?  
"Whats wrong? We haven't got any one here…"

"Where's Sherlock?"

I look behind the door to see Sherlock walk into the kitchen.  
"He's in the kitchen why?"  
He and the officers just barged past me and entered without invitation just as Sherlock was walking out of the kitchen- he must have heard the conversation.

The policeman disperse around the house to search for clues, chucking things from draws and making a mess.  
"What are you doing?!"  
I yell at the officers.

"Sherlock Holmes, you are under arrest on suspicion of murder, kidnapping and averting the course of justice.   
You do not have to speak but anything you do say can and will be used against you in a court of law."

Sherlock didn't look surprised or worried, he just turned around and let Greg cuff him.  
"Sherlock, whats going on?!"

"I'll be fine. Don't worry."

"Greg! What are you doing?! You don't seriously think that Sherlock is a murderer do you?!"

I see Donovan out of the corner of my eye.  
"I told you this day would come. That one dat we would be standing around a body and Sherlock Holmes would be the one to put it there."  
She had told me the first time we had met but i didn't believe her.

"Oh shut the fuck up Donovan! You hate him, you always have and you know it!  
Did you do this?!"

She stands smugly  
"I didn't do anything, we just pointed out some flaws with Sherlock's master plan and it all unravelled."  
People were moving things, breaking things and making a mess in my home while simultaneously arresting my husband and telling me he was a murderer. I was more than a little irate.  
The mess alone was enough to send me into mental meltdown (i was a clean freak but not to OCD extent- just organising things and making sure no one touched or used my things.) but everything else exacerbated this by extreme feats.

"We?!   
You and who?! Anderson?!   
Why am i not surprised, of course it has to be you two?! The two single people who hate him most in the entirety of Scotland Yard.?!"

She pointed her radio at me in warning.  
"Calm down or i'll have you arrested for harassing an officer."

"Greg! Surely you cant let this happen?!"

He looks apologetically at me, tightening Sherlock's handcuffs.  
"I'm sorry Neave, there's nothing i can do.   
I have orders from my superior."

The larger man turned to face Sherlock after shouting for the officers to turn the house upside down.  
"You disgust me…you kidnapped children and used them in your little game!   
You sick human being!"  
Sherlock stood there completely straight- no emotion shown. He just let that man spit these horrific lies at him.

I see John come up the stairs and he immediately is alarmed.  
"What is going on?!"

"They're arresting Sherlock."

He looks angrily at Greg and the larger man.  
"Take him away." The larger man instructs.

"No! Don't you dare! What rights have you to arrest an innocent man?!"

"We have a warrant to arrest him and search the premises."

"Let me look at it. Now!"  
Greg pulls out the warrant and i scan it, reading every detail, trying to find a legal loophole or something- just to buy time- there was absolutely nothing i could do…at all, i felt helpless, that even in a time of dire need, there was 1 thing i was good at and even that couldn't help him.

I place my hands on Sherlock's face.  
I look at him completely at a lost on what to do.  
"Im sorry. I cant do anything."

"I'll be fine. Don't worry, i have a plan.  
Don't try and come to Scotland yard, just keep yourself safe."  
I nod to him, feigning a smile.   
He just leans in and presses a kiss there as reassurance.

I felt an arm wrap around my waist, between me and Sherlock. My body stiffens and instantly reacts as i couldn't stand contact- the police officer who had done this tried to pull me back with his arm but I freaked out- i couldn't handle contact from people I didn't know, I could only trust Sherlock with any contact.

"Get off me!"  
I tried to push away from him but he must of saw it as trying to fight back so his arm grew tighter and the other arm wrapped around me to try and control me completely. I just tried to thrash out of his grip. Petrified of the contact.

"Get off me! Sherlock!"  
Both John and Sherlock started to shout at the officer and he didn't relent as i was just getting more violent with trying to escape his grip- Sherlock was trying to pull away from where Greg had hold of his handcuffed arms, trying to pull him back.  
"Stop it! Stop it now!   
Get off her!"

"Stop touching her and she'll calm down!   
Let her go!"  
John took a step forward and pulled the officers arms from my waist and pinned him to the wall.   
I was sobbing, trying to keep them unheard through the clatter and the shouting.

John punches the officer and and it caused an up-raw  
"Arrest that man!"  
The larger man shouted  
"You two really are the scum of the Earth aren't you!"  
John head butted, whom i now knew to be the head of Scotland Yard.  
He too is put in handcuffs and pinned against the door.

I see one of the officers in the corner of my eye smash a glass, etched heart which i had made when my grandmother had died with her eulogy, name and date of birth on…shattered. It was the only thing i had of her and it wasn't even hers!   
Sherlock looked at me concerned- wishing he could do something.

Tears were streaming down my face now and I couldn't stop them.  
I screamed at the officers   
"Get out! You are never going to find anything! Just leave!"

Sobs wracked my chest as i saw everything around me be used as evidence- my life was being thrown around left, right and centre an i couldn't do anything about it.

The head of Scotland Yard looked at me with piercing eyes  
"Shut up or I will have you arrested for obstruction and accessory. Are we clear."  
I laugh in his face.

"Make me."  
He slapped me. The John and Sherlock tried to pounce from the walls they were pinned to but were held firmly in place, with some struggle.

"Arrest her." I saw a smirk grace his thing lips upon the fat face

An officer comes and handcuffs me.  
"What?! Greg?! Everyone just saw that?! HE just assaulted ME and I'M getting arrested?!  
This is fucking brilliant!  
Can non of you do anything about this?!"  
All of the officers stood in silence.

The larger man looked at them all- even Donovan looked like she wanted to do something.  
"Take them to the station!  
The rest of you, get back to work!"

They all turned back in sequence. Too scared of the man to say otherwise.  
They led me down first and i had to do it slowly because i was still wearing the heels i had on for work- thankfully Donovan elected to take me down.  
Sherlock and John followed. We all got planted face first against the car.

They undone Sherlock and John's handcuffs for a moment so they had one cuff each hand while both of mine were still cuffed.

"Are you ok?"  
Donovan asks.

"Just fucking peachy, how about you? Because i could murder someone, to be quite frank."  
She whispers to me, so no one else can hear

"Just stay quiet- they have no evidence against you. They can't keep you for long."

"I'm qualified to be a lawyer, i know the drill… oh God i'm going to be sick."

She takes my wrists and leads me to a corner- alerting the officers- it was only about 10 yards away, just for some privacy.

Donovan held my hair back and i vomited up my lunch.  
"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, just a bug. I've had this for a few days. It'll pass."

"Are you sure."

"Yeah…some water wouldn't go amiss."  
She pulls out a bottle of water from her coat pocket, half empty, she pours some in my mouth where i just rinse it to get rid of the taste of bile before i spit it back out again.  
"-thank you…why are you helping me? Your usually more than happy to call Sherlock a freak in front of me…"

"Yeah, well…i like you.   
You don't deserve this you know.  
We all saw what he did- you haven't broken the law and anyway…your good for Sherlock."

"How so…"  
I inquire, she isn't usually this nice. 

"I had just joined the squad when Sherlock came in. At first he was arrogant and completely oblivious to anyone but himself.   
After about 4 months, something changed- he seemed happier. He was solving his cases quicker too.   
Then one day, i looked at his notes and there was a singular green post-it note with a woman's writing on it. Just deductions- nothing more.   
At first i didn't know who's they were but i took a rough guess and thought a companion. 

Then, 3 days later he brought you to Scotland Yard. It all made sense- well not all of it- the fact that he had a girlfriend baffled everyone beyond belief, however, it seemed to change him- for the better. He was never as condescending as he used to be but it was there…"

I chuckled lightly  
"Thank you…oh, you'll have to take me back now- your boss looks a bit concerned."

She looks behind her to see her boss giving her a death stare.  
"Yeah, looks like it. Come on."  
She took my wrists and led me back slowly. She whispered.  
"Give this too Sherlock- its the key."  
She placed the key in one of my cuffed hands before i was once again pressed against the squad car.

"Are you alright?"  
John asks, Sherlock asking the same question with his eyes.

"Absolutely. Don't worry."  
The key was still firmly in my grasp.

Sherlock was stood next to me now- Donovan had deliberately done so to ensure he got the key.  
He turns to me  
"We're going to run- your coming with us."

"No I'm not."

"What do you mean no?"

"Not in these I'm not.-"  
I look to the heels  
"-Besides, if you leave me here, they'll have someone to interrogate- that might hold them off a bit and give you more time."

"I cant leave you here."

"You can and you will.  
Now Mr Holmes listen to me- you will do as i say or you wont get a reward for doing so-"

"What?!"

I silently whisper  
"I have the key- listen to me and you get it."

"Your being too stubborn."

"Well guess who i get that from.  
Now, how do you want to get this bloody key without looking suspicious?!"

"Ok…now then…"

The superior calls all of the officers in bar one to search the house- he turns around for 2 seconds and i quickly pass the key to Sherlock who promptly sets to work- discreetly- unlocking his cuffs.

All of the officers come out one by one and i hear a 'click' as the handcuffs unlock. 

He quickly turns and pulls a gun onto John who is all the while clueless.  
"Stop or i shoot."  
The officers freeze and silence hung in the air.  
"Anyone call for help and i shoot them both."  
He pulls the gun to my head this time with a look on his face which said that he would do it.

He pulls me so i am standing in front if him with both myself and John in grasp.  
"So you're not all idiots then…"

He pulls me by my arm quite harshly so his lips are too my ear with the gun still to the officers.  
"1 week. Old room- Cambridge. 3pm."

And with that he and John ran- sprinting away- he must have given John the key as he was running without restriction.  
The officers practically pushed me into a squad car and had me driven too the station as there was a guffaw of chaos: squad cars being ordered, people screaming his name and sirens blaring.  
-

I was immediately placed into an interrogation room where i was made to wait for about an hour.

Im not going to lie- I was worried about him, there is no two ways about it but if i knew him as well as i thought i did, he knew what he was going to do and how he was going to do it.

The larger man walked into the room with a case file in his hands and Greg behind him, trying to stop him but he relented seeing that he wouldn't win and stood in the corner to observe instead- he slams the file on the desk and raises his voice immediately.

"WHERE IS HE?!"

"Nice to meet you too, I'm Neave Holmes, yourself?"  
I stick a hand out to him- my cuffs had been moved to my front when i had been placed in custody.

He snarls  
"Don't get clever with me.  
Where has he went."

"How should I know?"

"What did he say to you before he took the gun from your head?!"

"That if i even thought about following him- he would kill me."

"Your married to the man. Why would he say that?!"

"Publicity stunt."

"WHAT!"

"If i married him, it would humanise with him, thus bringing in more cliental and i wouldn't get hassled by men in bars- mutually beneficial agreement."  
Greg looked clueless- he attended our wedding and he knew the relationship wasn't a stunt but he had no idea why i was saying this.

"What about sex?"

"A bit of a personal question…  
What exactly do you mean by, 'what about the sex?' What makes you think we slept together?"

"The pictures in the newspaper."  
He smirks as he sees my face drop.

"What. Pictures."

"In the newspaper this morning…oh, did you not know about them?"

"Of course i did."  
I say defiantly- what fucking pictures?!!

"Greg. Get a newspaper from my desk please."  
He leaves to do so, looking slightly ashamed of himself.

He comes back a few moments later with the article- he hands it to the larger man who opens it on the page.  
I breathe a sigh of relief.  
I laugh.  
"They're fake.  
The faces are super imposed."

"And how would you know?"

"Because I've never tried anal in my life- oh and i don't have a tattoo on my back."  
I see the smile fall from his face and a small smirk appear on Greg's.  
"-you can check if you want."

He tries to gain the upper hand once more- rather futilely.  
"Then why react to the photos if you've never slept with him."

"Ok- maybe we do have our benefits…  
He deals with my cravings- I deal with his."

"Don't try and be that way with me. I know what people like you are like- i deal with women like you all the time."  
I stand up and slam my hands against the table with the chair falling too the floor.

"Don't you ever try and assume you know who or what i am.   
Never, make the mistake of saying that you know me!"

"Sit down!"

"Bite me!…although, by the looks of it i would say that if i left my hand on the table long enough you would."

A man walks into the room asking for Greg and he leaves- quite hesitantly at that.  
The superior walks around the table and smacks my face off the table- pulling at my hair.  
"Listen here you little slut. Tell me where he is in the next 10 seconds or your going to a place worse than Bedlam."  
Just as he finishes the threat- Greg walks back in to the room with someone else, Mycroft. My face still against the desk- and very sore.

Mycroft clears his throat, alerting the superior to his presence.  
He immediately lets go of my hair and allows me to stand again- my nose throbbing.

He sees the sight in front of him   
"Unhand her."

"Under what authority."

"The British government's and the human rights act of 1998.

Mycroft Holmes."  
He drops his class 8-priority: ultra- identification card on the table.

He unhands me, flustered.  
"Mr Holmes…this isn't what it looks like…she tried to attack me."

I let out a protest against the table.  
"What?!"

"A 5ft 3inch woman In 4 and a half inch heels and with her hands cuffed in front of her body… highly unlikely…would the cameras co-operate your story?"  
He motions his famous umbrella to the cameras at either side of the room.

The man's face drops instantly as he realises what has gone wrong.  
"I also have an apartment full of police officers who can give testimony to your abuse of power.

Whatever my brother may or may not have done is for the police to find out but it has nothing to do with her.

Mr Lestrade, place this man in a cell."  
He walks over to his now former superior and handcuffs him, leading him from the room.

Mycroft checks outside the door and calls over someone- Donovan- and tells her to un-cuff me and she does so- my wrists now soar. 

When both me and Mycroft were left alone he closed the door and sit in the chair opposite myself and motions for me to take a seat.

"Where are Sherlock and John?"

"I don't know- he never told me where they were doing, where they were going or who they were going to see."

"Do you think he's guilty?"

I look at Mycroft in disbelief.  
"Of course not!   
I may not know him for as long as you Mycroft but I would like to think that i know him well enough to make a ratiocination about whether he has planned everything that has happened over these past few months- i would like to think that you do too…"  
He remained silent.

"If you withhold anything from me I can't help you."

I consider-for a moment- telling him exactly where Sherlock said to meet him in a week but decide against it.  
"I'm not hiding anything."

He nods and stands.  
"Come with me- you will have to live with me and Alana for a while, while the police search the flat.

I trust that shouldn't be too much of a problem?"

"No, not at all.  
Thank you."

He exits the interrogation room and i follow down stairs too the black Jaguar, waiting for him.  
He let me get into the car first where Anthea was already seated and unsurprisingly sat, absorbed into her phone.

He followed and we rode in the streets of London in complete silence, save the noises from Anthea texting.

-  
I had fractured my nose…inconvenient. I just had to let it heal for about a month and walk around with some surgical gauze in a thin strip to make sure it healed properly.

I lived in Mycroft's house while the police tore away at my own flat and i never heard a single word from either John nor Sherlock.

Not a text, nor a phone call.  
-

1 week had passed, one whole week.

It was time to see him again. In secret from what i could gather from instinct.

"I'm going out for the day- ill be back a bit later."  
I shouted through the house.

I heard Alana shout back a she was walking to the source of noise.  
"Where are you going?   
You look peaky, have you been sick?"

"Out. Just out- to meet some friends.  
Go shopping afterwards. The usual."  
How did she know I had been sick? Was it that obvious?   
I had been like this for a week-I put it down to nerves, worrying   
what Sherlock was doing.  
"- no, i'm fine, i just need some air, too hot in this house."

She looked at me suspiciously.  
"How long will you be?"

"I'm not sure.  
I'll text you when I'm on my way back if your concerned."

"Yes please, if you wouldn't mind."

"Ok, i'll be back later.  
Bye."

"Bye. Enjoy your day."

"Thank you."  
I leave the house, exited that i finally was going to see Sherlock.

I took the train from central London to Cambridge.   
It only took about 20 minuets or so- if that.

I went back to the place it all started: Cambridge Uni.

It had been an age…I couldn't wait to look over the place where i had once called my home- however, that would have to wait as, i looked at my watch to see that it was 5 to 3 so I walked over to the halls of residence and try to find our old rooms.

The halls still looked the same, although there was no one around- out of term time.

Now…did he mean his room or my own? 

I first open the door to his old room where I find him sitting at the desk, facing away from me…my god, even the furniture was in the same position.

I lean slightly against the the wall after I shut the door.  
"Well hello there stranger…"  
I smiled at his little effort to bring back memories.

The chair just turns around so i can see him, he stands, uncrossing his legs in his usual lanky way.  
"Tea? Coffee?"

I am slightly lost as to the question   
"No thank you, i'm fine…"

"Put your file down and just place that and your coat on the bed. I'll  
be with you in 2 moments."  
I didnt have a file and i wast wearing a coat- a leather jacket, yes…oh  
I saw what he was doing.

"Let me guess…is the password murder?"

I see a smile grace his lips as i see him leaning on a bench- no intension of making tea, or coffee.  
"No actually, now it's homicide…murder became too suspicious whenever I would give someone the password."

I look at him and smile  
"And homicide is any better?"

"Kept people guessing how many people i've 'killed'."  
I chuckle.  
I wiggle my finger in a 'come hither' motion and bite my lip.  
He strides over to me until he is looking down upon me and his hands are lightly on my hips.  
I pull him down by the collar of his shirt until his lips are a few mm from my own.

"Ive been here a while…a whole 5 minuets!  
So…are you going to kiss me or what?"

I see him smirk.  
"I was wondering when you would ask…"  
He firmly kisses me, coaxing my mouth open using his own.  
He lets me breathe after a few moments.

"Something tells me, you missed me."  
I tease.

"What gave you that impression?"

"Sentiment…you wouldn't have brought me /here/ of all places if you didn't have some sentiment about it all.

Your hands laced with my own- not typically something you do if you don't particularly care for someone…speaking of which- how did you do this?"

"It wasn't too hard.  
The caretaker owes me a favour- i called it in and they are out of term time so the odds were even easier to get this place.

Its also the only place in London where the police aren't after me."

"Where is John?"

"Secure location with Mary and Harry."

"Good.  
How does it feel to be Britain's most wanted man?"

"Inconvenient."  
He was hiding something and i could tell. The smile on his lips didn't reach his eyes and within them there was something…fear.

I place my palm to his cheek and place my forehead upon his own…  
"Whats happened? You don't seem yourself."

"Moriarty has disguised himself as Richard Brook, rigging and planting evidence to say that he is an actor who I hired and payed to play Moriarty and trick the entire nation.

He has documents that don't exist…

I am now suspected to have set up every single crime I have ever solved for Scotland Yard.

Everyone I have ever met suspects me. I am relying purely upon favours and the homeless network to stay hidden…I don't see many ways of getting out of this, but one of them involves meeting with Moriarty at St Bart's."

"Are you going to do it?"

"Yes. I have to call Moriarty out."

"When?"

"Tomorrow."

I pressed a kiss to his cheek and whispered  
"Good luck."

He smiled and whispered what i thought was a thank you.  
I took his hand which was already laced with my own and pulled him to sit on the bed, where he pulled me to where I used to sit while helping him with cases- in the left- hand corner, against the wall; he sat directly next to me and held me against him where i lay my head against his shoulder.

He seemed to hold me tighter for whatever reason but i never asked why.  
"Do you, believe me?"

I look up at him in surprise  
"Of course I do!   
I could never believe that you would do half of what you are accused."  
He just nodded slightly and remained silent.

"Do you ever think about your time here?"

"Yes, of course, why?"

"Did you like it?"

"On the whole- no.  
For the first 2 years i hated it.  
Honestly, when i met you, that changed."

"Why?"

"I saw something which I didn't see in others.  
I saw an intellect designed to do great things yet, an indescribable fear behind it all."

"Where would you be right now if you hadn't have met me?"  
He was never one to drown in the 'what if's' or the 'but's' but i tried to answer honestly.

"I cant say for certain, but…the most likely explanation is in the ground- 6ft deep."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because when we   
met, i had just about met my limit of coping and i had thought about overdosing just so i could escape and it was only a matter of time before i did it."

He turned to directly face me and looked into my eyes.  
"I tell you this now because i only deem it appropriate that i do so in this moment:  
When I say that I do and have loved you for as long as i have known you, it is the highest compliment for which I am capable.  
However, when i say i will never and have never loved anyone as much as you. That is the truth and it will go down as an understatement as it has been my greatest decision and my greatest downfall."

I turned my face slightly so my forehead was against his temple and so my lips were at his ear.  
I placed a hand to his cheek which wasn't on the side where my face was and whispered:  
"I will forever love you and everything you are- I always have- despite whatever Donovan, Anderson, the newspapers and any clients have ever said.-"  
I felt him lace his fingers in my hair, keeping my head where it was as he listened intently, with his eyes now closed.  
"-This may very well be sentimental nonsense, however-  
No matter what you have ever said or done to others or myself, no matter what you will do in the future- I will forever be yours."

I felt a tear reach my fingers which were on his cheek- he was crying.

He firmly pressed his lips too my own and I reciprocate the obviously desperate kiss. I laced my hands in his hair and tugged slightly at the soft, wavy strands.  
He breaks the kiss, his my forehead against his.

"What was that for?"

————————————  
Sherlock's P.O.V   
————————————

"What was that for?"  
I knew the reality of what could happen tomorrow. What will happen tomorrow. 

Every possibility is planned but most of them--involve my own demise.   
I wasn't about to tell her that- nor had i ever planned too, she would-rather understandably, try to stop me.

————————————  
My POV  
————————————

"No reason."

I look at him in suspicion…  
"Well…that was quite a nice 'hello'"

Sherlock just kissed my nose lightly.  
He suddenly began to undo the watch on his left-wrist and gave it too me.  
"For you."  
With no explanation whatsoever.

I take it in my hand but i don't keep it.  
"Why are you giving me this for? You need it."

"I have lots of watches.  
I want you to have this one."

"Why?"

I see him shut his eyes an he places a hand too my cheek.  
"Please, I just want you to wear this…"  
He slips the watch from my grasp and replaces the watch I was already wearing for the one he was giving me.  
Yes it was a little bit too big for a woman's wrist but it strangely, worked.

He also got up and took something from his coat pocket- which was at the other end of the room, hung on a chair.

"Here."  
He remains stood and hands me a box.

————————————  
Sherlock's POV  
————————————

She opens the box with wide eyes.  
She pulled out the necklace on a silver chain where 2 rings were hung on the centre:  
One her father had commissioned to be made for her mother while they were still together which was given to her when she was 15 by her mother…or she got it from he father…i have no idea which- she knew i deleted some things and I couldn't help it if it was some of her information but most of it was useless about her family since she never saw them.  
The ring was made from white and rose gold and it was a spiral which faded from one gold to another as you turned it.  
The other was a gold ring.

"Sherlock…is this your ring?"  
I nod in confirmation.

"Is this /your/ actual wedding ring?"  
She narrows her eyes at me, wondering why I would be giving her my actual ring.

"No, of course not. Just a replica."  
I hold up my left hand to show her the ring…

It was my real ring. The one i was wearing was a replica.   
That was my goodbye.

"Sherlock they're beautiful! Why?"

"Why not?   
I am currently the most wanted man in England. I believe some apology is in order…i do believe my actions have caused our home to be ransacked and for you to have to endure my brother for the time being."

"A simple 'I'm sorry' would have sufficed.  
He's at work half the time- he's not bad. He has Alana trained well. She was on me like a blood hound before i left to come here. She seemed to believe me.  
I would be in a cell if it weren't for your brother."  
He sat next to me again with me leaning against his shoulder.

"I believe I myself have trained a good little liar.-"  
He smiled to himself and then frowned.  
"How would you be in a cell? What has happened to your nose anyway?"

"The head of Scotland Yard doesn't take 'I don't know' for an answer.  
After a while I antagonised him.  
He smashed my face against the desk when Greg left the room."

I see anger in his eyes.  
"What?! He hurt you  
What did he ask?!"

"If i knew where you went.  
Why I didn't know.  
He even brought up some 'sex pictures'"

"Oh, yes. I saw those…i had no idea you had a 'sex kitten' tattoo on your back."  
He just chuckled lightly.

"And I didn't know you had the body of a football player and a LA Galaxy tattoo on your hip!"  
We both laughed at the blatant inaccuracies with the doctored 'sex pictures'.

"How did you antagonise him?"

"I basically said that if I left my hand on the table long enough that he would eat it…"  
He erupted into deep throated laughter while I chuckled lightly while i could feel the laugh reverberate through his chest.  
I loved it when he laughed- he didn't do it often enough.

"Remember what we did in this room?"

"When?"

"After about 2 years after we first got together…a few months before graduation."

He nodded and smiled at the fond memory…we finally gave ourselves to each other- rather awkwardly at that.  
————————————  
*flashback*   
6 years ago.

We had just about gotten too the stage where we were comfortable enough with each other- we could fall asleep next to each other- without unconscious intervention by instinct to actually hold one another.   
I was a bit uncomfortable with the idea at first- conscious of my stomach while i was on my side.

We had also been able to kiss each other without the awkwardness of having to ask or not knowing whether too do so for fear of the other persons reaction.

Neither of us had said the 'L' word yet. I didn't expect him to, I never had. He never seemed the type of man to be that open with how he felt; i wasn't going to let myself admit what i felt if I knew there was a chance he could laugh at me or he didn't reciprocate it…I never have been one for making myself vulnerable or show anyone weakness. No one even knew of our relationship, we only seemed to show affection in private or in a form which wasn't noticed by others- like in class when he would hold my hand, under the table if I was shaking it because i was anxious.

\-------------------------------------  
Sherlock's POV  
\-------------------------------------  
(To Mark)  
"Hello Sherlock old boy!"

"Mark…"  
I wave my hand dismissively to the chair at the corner of the room.  
He sits and starts to propose an idea…an immediately idiotic one at that judging by his gate entering the room.

"You, me and the boys on a lads night out.   
What do you say?"

"Not interested."

"Come on Sherlock. A chance to get some skirt! Speak to the ladiiieesss…"  
He finished with a 'i'm suave' kind of mannerism about him.

"You were with a woman last night…"

"Yes but that is besides the point…how did you even?!"

"Creases in your trousers."

"How does that even?…never mind.  
Come out Sherlock. First round is on me…"

I turn to pick a file from the desk, listening half heartedly to whatever he was saying.  
"I can't I'm busy."

He looks outraged.  
"Doing what?!"  
At that moment i hear a knock at the door…judging by the note, pace and volume of the knock- i know exactly who it is.

Some sort if smile works its way across my face.

"Come in."  
I shout to the person on the other side.  
The door opens.

"Oh sorry, are you busy? I can come back later if…"  
She drifts off and has her left-hand in the direction of the door to emphasise what she is saying- she would leave if i was busy.

"No, of-course not."  
She comes in and shuts the door, now realising who i was in the company with.

"Hello again Mark…"  
She obviously doesn't like him going by the way her jaw has just clenched.

"And you are…"

"Neave…thats right, you didn't get my name last time did you?"

"So we've met before?"

"Yes we have…I believe you called me by the names of   
'Goth girl' and 'depression session.'"  
I see her look at him in disgust.

I see him finally click on to where he knows her.  
"Ah yes…of course."

She just gave him a polite, if not sardonic, smile and turns back to me.  
"I've spoken to Mrs Hudson and she has arranged for us to see the flat.  
She said we could have it!…if we liked it of course.  
You just have to arrange a time."

"She just let us have it?"

"I did have to work some of my natural charm but yes and because you had her husband hung- we also have a discount!"

Mark chimes in with a less than impressive observation.  
"You had a woman's husband hung?!"

I turn to him  
"Yes but thats besides the point."  
I turn back to her- we had been looking for a place to live after uni, non of which we could afford.  
We could have used the flat she had inherited after a cousin had died, but it was too small and in a residential area- people…boring.  
(She now used it as a flat of her own to rent out to holiday makers but she couldn't sell because non of the viewers of the flat could get a mortgage.  
The bills were being paid by a lump sum she was given directly for that purpose by the cousin in question.)

"-thats brilliant!"  
I pick her up and spin her around where she yelps slightly but laughs after the initial shock.  
"-I'll finally have somewhere i can work. Ahh…its christmas."

"Come on, I have a class in 5 minuets!"  
I put her down

"Tonight?"

Mark tries to have input, yet again.  
"You cant your coming out with us."

She looks at me as if to say  
'/you're/ going out?"  
Fully aware that it is not my normal behaviour.

I just toss back, not even looking behind me.  
"No i'm not."

I reply to her  
"I'll speak to you tonight. We'll arrange something."

"Ok then. I have to go-I'll see you later."  
She reaches for the door handle where I grab her free hand and pull her in for a chaste kiss which she was surprised at but she wasn't trying to pull away.

"I'll speak to you later.  
I hope too see you soon Mark."  
She gives us both a small smile and leaves, closing the door behind her.

Mark looks astounded.  
"What?"

"Your seeing /her/?"

"Who? Neave?…yes, i thought that was fairly obvious…"

"Oh Sherlock mate, you have to sort your eyes out- her?! Are you sure your talking about the right girl."

I let out an exasperated sigh.  
"The woman that has just left the room…yes. I'm seeing Neave."

"You see, this is why we need to get you out on the town.   
Let you see the variety…"

I lean against my desk.  
"No thank you."

"Let yourself go for once.  
Sleep with some easy bimbo. Live a little."

"I may not be the best or most acquainted at relationships but i'm with Neave and i have enough respect for her to not do that."

"She'll never find out.   
Anyway, its not like you have been seeing her for that long. Get it out of your system…"

"Get what out of my system?"

"The need to be with her! Someone like her. God! Sherlock! Live. Sleep with some girls! See what there is out there! That'll knock some sense into you."

I raise my voice slightly.  
"My relationship is non of your concern."

"At least give it a go! Your so upright you wont even sleep with some good-looking girls and get some girl out of your life who you hardly know!"

"Who are you to say anything?! You wouldn't know how to be in a relationship if you tried!"

"Me! A relationship?!   
Says you. A sociopathic know it all with no regard for others and barely any friends.

Just get pissed and get a blond with big tits like a normal bloke.

Has she worn your shirt yet?"

"What?! No! Why would she do that? She has her own clothes."

"Its obviously not serious. "

"How on earth is a 2 year relationship not serious?!   
Im not an expert at this (makes a change) but that is a fully serious relationship, even by my standards."

"Her wearing your shirt does what a flag does to a country.   
It claims her as yours and yours alone- it lets everyone know that fact.

She hasn't worn your shirt. Not serious."

"It is hardly a science."

"Its a bloody good indicator though,   
Isn't it? Get a grip you uptight arse.

Just get pissed and shag someone. Your bringing me and the boys down. People are beginning to call you a…virgin."  
He starts to laugh hysterically.

How i hated this arse on a normal day…I would have shot him right there if it weren't for the fact that Mycroft had my gun for safety testing…inconvenient.  
"STOP IT! STOP IT NOW!"

"Cheat on her! Be a man! Some blonde will surely be a better shag than her!   
Why wont you! You don't even know her!"  
\-------------------------------------  
My POV  
\-------------------------------------  
I leave Sherlock's room and go to my own to pick up some of the books but when I lock my door i hear shouting:  
"STOP IT! STOP IT NOW!

"Cheat on her! Be a man! Some blonde will surely be a better shag than her!   
Why wont you anyway?You don't even know her!"  
That bastard! That fucking arse hole! I knew i hated him!   
People like him should be shot in the balls! He's screaming at him because he wont cheat on me!

"Why?!"  
He repeats.

I hear an immediate reply which makes my heart stop.  
"Because I Love Her!"

I hear Mark stutter before my ears finally catch up and allow me to process what Sherlock has just said.  
"You what…you don't know her!"

"I have been with her for 2 years and she has done more for me than anything you have over the time i have known you.  
All you have done is patronise, antagonise and belittle me to every extent which you know you can get away with.  
Does  
Freak  
Wierdo   
Arse  
Virgin   
Ring any bells? 

I Love Her…always have."

Mark chortles  
"Love…give me a ring when you aren't off your face…2 years!   
2 years and you never told anyone?! Jesus! You truly are a freak!"  
I hear heavy stomping to the door and when it opens Mark exits, double taking when he sees me.

"Hello again…"  
I slap him. Hard.   
Where he rubs the stinging cheek.

Then i kick him where it hurts:  
The golden triangle  
The crown jewels   
His meat and 2 veg…you get the gist.

He doubles over in pain, almost falling too the floor when i hear 1 thing.  
"What was that for?!"

"Oh its fine, you hardly know me.   
Just get a blonde bimbo to get it out of your system."

"Ok. Yeah, probably deserved that."

I lean down and whisper.  
"Probably is an understatement."

I look into the little flat and i see Sherlock pacing but suddenly stops when he sees Mark doubled over in pain.

I walk through into the flat and shut the door- allowing Mark time to contemplate through the pain.

He looks worried  
"How much of that did you hear?"

"You love me…"  
I walk over to where he is stood and pulled him down for a searing kiss, pulling away for breath.

I had for a while- well…i knew i had, if I subconsciously had for longer I don't know.  
He pulls me for a hug with one hand to my head and one to my waist.  
I hadn't said it yet-perhaps that was   
the wrong thing to do- because I didn't know how, I wanted to say it because I had to say it in that moment, not because I was forced to by an overheard argument.

Anyway…back too the first time…they were on the same day so i suppose it was a little backstory.

(3 hours later)   
I had skipped the class- i could catch up, it wasn't a massive problem.

We had actually decided to take a look at the flat and we took it…it was gorgeous- could do with some new flooring, but otherwise perfect.  
(Come to think of it, we never did change the floors.)

We had both ended up lying on the double bed in his room; there was nothing on TV and nothing more to do. I was tired anyway from the amount of phone calls I had to make and assignments I had to do that morning.

He pressed a kiss to my lips and allowed to moment to linger for another moment. I reciprocated the kiss and lent in for another for him to ask for another by gaining entry with his tongue- not new, it had happened a couple of times before but we always pulled away with a sharp intake of breath to keep ourselves calm but this time, it was different, it felt like he was dancing his tongue with my own and i liked it, my breathing even faulted slightly. 

I felt his hand at my neck and mine were at his waist. I felt his grip on the back of my neck get tighter as the kiss drew on.

I wont lie about it but i could feel myself getting more and more aroused as time had gone on- i may have been a virgin but i knew what arousal was and how it felt; i had felt it a few times with Sherlock but it wasn't particularly hard to hide…this time, I moaned into the kiss and pressed into him with my hips; I   
Wasn't sure how he would react at first, thinking he would be freaked out by the movement but he…he just pressed his hips into my own and tried to deepen the kiss further, which neither of us had attempted to do before now, he danced his tongue with my own and laced a hand in my hair.

I felt him lean over me, pushing me back so I was lying on my back from my side.  
I naturally moved my legs so that he wasn't constricted or in the firing line if i wanted to move them after.

I felt his hips against mine again and this time i felt something else…is that what i think it is?

I feel one of his hands drift down my sides and up my thighs.  
I freeze slightly, unsure of what to do.  
I hadn't exactly been in this position before-although- I suppose you could say I had imagined this situation…

"Is that what I think it is?"  
He looks puzzled before he notices what I am referring too…  
He looked puzzled himself as to why this had happened to him now- it hadn't been a problem in the past- well not when it wasn't required (the man did have a sex drive- but usually one he could control and sate by his own means.  
He told me this later.)  
"Yes."  
He said it matter-of-factly, with quite a lot of confidence where other men would have been embarrassed.

"Have you…done this before?"

"No." He breaks the kiss for but a moment to reply.  
Well that takes some of the pressure off I suppose…he stops once more to ask  
"-you?…have you ever had sex?"

I shake my head in the negative.  
"Do you want to?…"  
It had suddenly gotten really awkward. I was surprised that he was still a virgin…if you looked like /that/ surely you would have had more than a few girls after you?…

"It has crossed my mind a few times…it is not an unpleasant thought in the least…  
Do you want to?"

"If thats what you want, yes."

I feel him put his hand to my cheek- he looked as if he were studying my pupils.  
"I won't do anything you don't want to happen if you only want to do this for my benefit."

I whisper a debate, almost to myself.  
"No, no. Yes, of course.  
I want to…i want to do this…i think--yes, yes I want to do this…"  
I was sure I had wanted to do it in the past with him but I was so unsure of what to do when put into practice.

I knew how to have sex and the basic mechanics of it but, put into practice…I wasn't sure.

He lifts my chin up so i am directly facing him and looking him in the eyes.   
"Are you sure…"

I nodded in reply.   
He didn't seem entirely sure himself whether I was being genuine.  
"Do you know how to…"  
I trail off leaving the rest for him to decipher.

"Sex doesn't alarm me nor am I ignorant of what it is or how to do it.

I'm not oblivious to the fact that my body has shown you what it wants but I believe yours has spoken for you too…"

What had I done…moan?  
"How so?"

"I took your pulse."  
Only then had i noticed that his hand next to my neck had been near my pulse point.

"And…what does it tell you?…"  
I knew exactly what it told him

"That you are aroused- or at least you are pleased with the proximity.  
Which one would that be?"

While he may have known about arousal, foreplay may not have been his high point.  
"A little of both…"

He placed his head in between my shoulder and neck -I gasped at the sudden proximity of him and where he was-just to remain there for a few moments until he realised the gasp was a reaction and I think he took my pulse again…I felt his fingers at my wrist.

He pulls back to look into my eyes for a moment and goes down to my neck again with his lips but mm away from the skin.  
He finally lent in to press a soft kiss to the skin and took note of my reaction.

He placed another kiss there, taking in how my eyes closed of their own accord and how I let out of an exhale which relaxed my body against the bed.  
He moved upwards with the kisses and found that I sub-consciously guided him with the movements of my neck. He was eventually guided to the spot just behind my ear. He latched onto that spot and I whimpered helplessly as he did so.

He pulled off looking slightly concerned with the noise that escaped me…  
"Did I hurt you?"

I looked up at him, eyes slightly glazed over with the new emotions flooding my head.  
"No. No! God no Sherlock.   
Those are good signs, very…very good signs."

"Oh…so those are good?…"  
I gave him a 'um hm'

"I would tell you if something hurt.  
Don't worry, go with instinct.   
Unless I tell you otherwise, it is a noise to indicate that you are giving me pleasure.  
If you want to do something, just go with it, don't question it."

He just nodded, seeming more clear and slightly proud of himself for being able to elicit those sounds.  
He set back onto my neck and used one of his hands to explore for himself pushing up my hoodie so he could see from my hips to my ribs.

I hadn't exactly planned this event so i want dressed the most enticingly- with my black hoodie I got from leaving collage for participating in a drama group with the collage emblem on the front and 'Camden' written on the back. Black jeans, black heeled platform boots and my hair pulled back loosely into a butterfly claw clip with my hair looking a mess.

I ran my hand down his chest and unbuttoned it slightly, I watched his reaction as he just watched my hands and I unbuttoned the rest of his shirt, marvelling at what was underneath…i stared for a few moments at his chest- I loved it…I was never one for the 'Channing Tatum' or 'Zak Efron' look (I.E 6 pack)…his was toned without being too muscular- athletic even-and his skin was very pale, just darker than my own.

I pushed his shirt down from his shoulders, taking the jacket with it to, watching his every response to see if I was doing anything wrong.

He had to kneel on the bed to help me get them off but his eyes never left my own and I got a full view of his chest. I had to sit up so i could finish the task and with my eyes glued to his own, I placed a hand to his hips and pressed a kiss to his abdomen where he sighed to and laced a hand into my hair where he tugged at it slightly so tell me to lie back again.  
He was soon over me once more with his weight on his forearms…

He went back to kissing my lips while one hand was feeling beneath the hoodie and shirt.  
I could see his brain working behind his movements, evaluating what he could and taking note of what felt nice, both for him and myself.  
He soon tried to pull off my shirt and hoodie at the same time. He succeeded with my help and I was exposed almost fully on my top half, with only my bra left on.  
I took out the clip which was holding my hair in and let my hair down in it's natural state.

He looked down me, evaluating the sight he had uncovered- I felt intimidated by his gaze, I feared that he didn't like or was repulsed by what he saw, however no such thought or feeling crossed his features as I watched him intently.  
Neither one of us having any prior experience with this, we were just going by purely the signals we were giving each other and what our bodies led us to do from instinct.

As I watched him evaluate me, he lowered his head, just once, and kissed the spot just above my navel where i stroked my hand through his hair slightly and i heard him groan.  
I pushed at his shoulders slightly and he looked at me slightly alarmed.

"You haven't done anything don't worry."  
He knelt in between my legs questioning my actions and I myself moved so I was kneeling in front of him- him naturally higher with the 10 inch hight difference when standing.

I was directly looking at his chest and i placed my hand onto it, quite shakily at that- I was really quite nervous at the time (some would say petrified).  
I felt his right-hand touch my left one lightly before I lean in and press a kiss to his chest.  
I feel his left-hand touch the right-hand side if my face, bringing my eyes to his own.

"Relax. You need to relax.  
Your scared."

"No, i'm not. I'm fine."

"Your pulse says otherwise."  
At that point i had noticed that the hand brushing against my own was him putting his fingers too my wrist.

"Sorry…i'll be fine."

"Don't apologise, just feel, let your body decide for you, not your head."  
I felt his hands upon my back while i moved mine to his shoulders and he lent in to kiss me again, immediately lacing his tongue with my own.   
He moved his hands around my back, pulling me closer to him and it only made me want to do it more. 

I boldly make a decision I wouldn't have done otherwise- I trace my hand down his back- him continuing to kiss me all the while- and I pulled his hips into my own using hands which were squeezing his arse which i hadn't the chance to appreciate before with only the occasional glance when he would bend over.

I put my hand between us and get the button of his pants between my fingers before asking  
"Is it ok if I undo these?"

"Yes."  
I undo the button and unzip them.  
He looks down at my jean button and back up at me- now this was the hard part…harder part…i was already conscious of him having to look at my top half without coverage but this was different…very different.

I look at him and nod anyway so he undoes the button and the zip before leaving his space above me and taking me with him by pulling me to stand. He allows us to both remove our own articles of clothing, including shoes and socks where my own were chucked to the floor with a 'clunk' and i was now shorter because i no longer had the heels of my boots to add an extra 3 inches.  
Just leaving us in any under garments.

He took a step towards me so he was about 5 inches away from my face and he places one hand to where my neck was and one, softly to my waist, where I jumped slightly at the contact- usually no one was allowed to touch me.

He was taking a mental note of what to do from my reactions.   
He moved his touch slightly to my hip and he pulled me in for a kiss once more filled with as much desire as he could muster, collected internally in our years of chastity…leading to this.  
I let out a moan at what his mouth was doing to my own because it felt fantastic.   
He led us both back to the bed where I was lay beneath him once more and he began to run his hands up and down my thigh where he could feel the muscles tense under his touch. He kisses his way down my chest to my breasts where they were covered by my flesh coloured bra where i felt him reach behind my back to unhook it and remove it but i tried to pull away from his hands   
"No, please don't."

He looked at me inquisitively, wondering why I was saying no if i wanted to continue.  
"Just not there, i don't want you to see…them just yet."  
I couldn't look at him for sheer embarrassment- I said I would give myself to the man but I didn't want to show him my breasts…an odd thing to say but I had my reasons at the time.

He used a finger to bring my gaze back to his own and just pressed a kiss to my lips, no longer questioning my actions, only himself telling me that he understood.

I ran my hand down his back, to his black boxers where I moved my hands to the front of the boxers and ran my hand over the obvious bulge; his hips unconsciously pushed into the touch as he let out a guttural groan which i could feel reverberate through me as I could feel an immediate spark between my thighs. That man. God. He had the voice of pure sin to begin with but when it was laced with arousal…it was something else.   
His head had dropped between my shoulder and his hand went into my hair.  
"How do you know how to do that?"

A sudden feeling of cockiness went through me.  
"I may be a virgin but it doesn't mean i don't have a clue on how to pleasure you…do you like it?"  
It was obvious enough that he liked it.

I kept running my hand softly over his clothed shaft and he let his hips undulate into the touch.  
Masturbation was one thing but when it was someone else's touch giving you pleasure- it was a different ball game. He was giving in to what i wanted to give him.

"Stop please…mmm"  
I stopped knowing exactly why he wanted me to but I didn't move my hand.  
He pushed his hips into mine with his forearms planted at each side of my head.

"I want you…"  
I have always thought that he was too lost in the moment to have known the implications or the meaning of what he said but I went with the most obvious meaning.

"You can have me."

He began to kiss my neck with such passion, he began to suck on one spot in particular and all i could do was moan at his actions.  
"All of you. Mine.   
I will be the first person to see you like this, unreserved, relaxed, awash in pleasure."

I let out a whimper of   
"Yes…"

I felt a hand drift down to my black underwear where he pulled them down my legs- i had to move my legs so they were to the left- hand side of his head. He flung them to the floor, not caring where they landed.

He took to moving my legs so they were either side of him again.

All of my worried about seeing what i looked like seemed to melt away at that moment because I was petrified beforehand about what he might do or say but…he didn't recoil or try to pull way, he tried to get closer- as close as he could.

I let out a moan of his name  
"Sherlock…"  
He seemed pleased with himself to be able to do this to me.

He knelt between my legs and began to pull his boxers off and I moved so he could get off the bed to do so. He faced away from me and he bent over to get them from his legs- i hadn't noticed until now but he had a fantastic set of arse and thighs on him, i was more set on the thighs.

He turned back around to face me and claimed the space between my legs once more. The feeling of our bodies pressed, completely naked, against one another, it was…exhilarating. 

He could feel the heat of my body against his own and the passion being expressed from my lips was saying enough.   
"Are you ready?"  
His hips were firmly pressed against my own and i could feel his erection pressing into my centre- I was on the verge of begging him to provide some relief.  
"Yes.  
We need something…"

"What?"

"Contraception…"  
And…mood ruined (but i wasn't going to get pregnant.)  
He just leaned over to his jacket on the floor and pulled a condom out.  
"Done."  
He just began kissing my neck again while his hands worked on getting the foil open between us.  
Mood not ruined apparently!  
Why did he have that anyway?  
"How do you…ahh"

"I'll explain later."  
He rolls the condom on and positions himself at my entrance.

"Ready?"

I nodded and he slowly pushed himself inside of me. I clung my hands to the sheets beneath me as the pain of him entering me escalated.  
Just as I was going to tell him to stop he saw my eyes clenched in pain. I looked up at him and his eyes were clouded over with lust, whispering to me.  
"You should tell me if the pain is too much.  
Over time, you will grow used to size and it wont hurt."  
I nodded in affirmation- i knew he was right.  
"I'll ease you into the rest, ok?"

Only then had i noticed that he wasn't fully inside me- he had stopped when he saw i was in pain- dear God! It hurt like satan!

He began to move his hips slowly, undulating into me and out, every few moments, pushing ever so slightly so he was further inside me. The pain had dissipated somewhat from before but it was being replaced by an unusual feeling…very unusual but it was nice, just enough to take the edge off the pain. 

Soon enough he was fully inside of me and was still so I could adjust slightly if i was in discomfort. It felt good to feel this…full (was that appropriate?), it was new.   
I was in slight pain at his size, which was hardly his own fault but it wasn't too much so I let it go and said nothing.

I looked up at Sherlock and his eyes were closed and his forehead was millimetres from my own. I had to move a errant curl from his head to draw his attention back. His eyes had turned almost black with a small iris of his natural blue/green. He had a look of almost complete serenity over his features, he seemed completely disengaged from his usually calculative self.

He looked into my own eyes and must have saw no doubt because i felt his hand reach down my abdomen, every short distance his fingertips grazing my skin, until I felt a finger at my centre-at the top- he moved his fingers slightly until he felt what he was looking for; he moved his fingers across that spot a few times until he felt my thighs tense around him slightly as the muscles spasmed every few moments.   
He finally grew more confident that he had found what he was looking for and moved the spot between 2 of his fingers and slowly made circles against me. I closed my eyes at the familiar sensation which i would often feel during masturbation and allowed myself to become consumed with what he was doing because i had no control over how aroused I was and i needed to let all control go and give in to a small submission of my body- for a moment.

His fingers moved my clit faster underneath his hand and fingers. He seemed to grow more and more confident with his movement and eventually began to move his hand over the spot skilfully and very quickly, my head tipped back and my mouth hung open before I bit my lip. I felt him begin to experiment when he moved his fingers around between my legs and appeared to be surprised at the wetness he found there.  
He decided to pull out of me and investigate what he had found; i moaned at the loss.

He looked up at me quizzically and i could just see his expression through hooded eyes.  
"Your wet…"  
He didn't even seem sure that 'wet' was the word.

Bless him…he really was as inexperienced as I.  
"Natural biological response. Natural lubrication so it makes things easier. The more aroused, the more lubrication a woman …gives off so reaching orgasm is as simple and as painless as possible."  
Give off was all i could do- I wasn't going say secrete…talk about mood killer. 

He looked somewhat less confused and in some kind of awe at human response to arousal. He leant up between my legs again and looked into my eyes with his weight rested upon his left forehand. His other hand, however took a decent to where it had been prior- between my legs- he took a finger and drew a line from the origin of the liquid and drew it up to my clit, noticing how it was easier to move his finger and how differently i reacted to before due to the assistance.

"How does that feel?"  
You could tell plain as day by my reactions how it felt but he wanted to claim audio confirmation too.   
I place a hand to the back of his head, lacing a shaky hand into his dark curls and I just whisper   
"Don't stop…"  
I pull him down for a kiss which lasts…and lasts.

The noises I was making were explicit, I now knew why people said they enjoyed sex. Pleasure…it wasn't exactly what i was expecting it to feel like but it was exactly what my body wanted.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-  
Sherlock POV  
—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-

I noted the way her breathing changed and her pupils reacted, saving it all for feature reference. I had never seen her relax into something so much in all the time I had known her, she looked like she let every other thought slip from her mind.

I could feel her hips moving and responding to the touch of my left hand massaging her cliterous with my index, middle and ring ringer together moving in circles to pleasure her. I change the pressure slightly and she moved her hand to take my own and change the pressure back which I allowed.  
"Gently…like that…good."

From her guidance I changed the technique, Intrigued by how such a little change can alter an entire response. As her breathing became heavier, I felt a tightening in my lower abdomen, the noises she was eliciting appearing to awaken something more primal within me-burgeoning lust.

I stopped moving my fingers which made a whimper escape her lips, I only lined myself up with her entrance before pushing in slowly as not to hurt her. She put her hands on my shoulders while my forearms were placed at either side of her head and I took a moment to embrace the feeling of Extacy which overcame me when I entered her again once more and the sudden realisation of how hot her entrance was came over me with a feeling of 'tightness' it was…excruciatingly glorious.

I began to move slowly into her and noticed how she began to move her hips into my own, I rested my forehead against hers as I began to speed up my pace. Small whimpers and moans escaped her lips as the pace began to speed up, her noises only fuelling my actions, I continued to go quicker in and out of her, it felt like I was being consumed in the act, sweat beginning to grace out bodies; her noises only got louder and we kept a constant flow of pleasure between us. Our lips were parted from the exertion of what we were   
doing, small kisses were exchanged as words became moans. 

My moans appeared to make her grip get tighter around my shoulders and she touched all that she could, my hair, my back, my arse.   
I felt her hand upon my arse as i thrust in and out of her, she was begging for more. I gave her harder, deeper thrusts from instinct and she threw her head back and began to chant her pleasure, her hands lacing themselves in her own hair, pulling and moaning as her chest began to heave and sweat was making her hair stick to her forehead. 

I could feel a…tightness deep within me and it wasn't just me moving in and out of her. I felt it just below and partially in my abdominal muscles, like they were tightening for the imminent end. 

She whispered a quiet moan to herself.   
"Ooh…Sherlock…my God…"

I trailed kissed down her neck and whispered against her neck  
"Extraordinary…mesmerising…all mine…"

"I never knew it could feel like this…ahh."

"I always assumed pleasure always felt the same…definitely not true…ohh, Neave."

I could feel the way her walls stretched and moved to accommodate my penis inside of her…it drove me further an further to the edge.  
I drove faster and deeper into her, seeming to drive the air from her lungs. Her moans getting much more audible.

"Sherlock…don't stop, please don't stop…"  
My own eyes were growing weary, my head hung millimetres from hers, our lips barely making any competent contact, moans and heavy breaths in the way, I could now feel the sweat which was plastered to my own forehead as i felt the tightness in my lower abdomen get tighter and tighter the longer we were going. 

She reached down between us, i was too out of it to notice but she began to touch her clit, just like i had prior  
"Oh Sherlock, I'm going to…ahh…God yes! Fuuuck…"  
Less than a second later her legs were clamped around my waist as her eyes rolled back into her head and her back arched up to me; she had just let out the goddamn sexiest groan I had ever heard and i felt her walls clamp down on my shaft and that was enough to send me over the edge of an orgasm, releasing into the thin rubber which separated the skin-to-skin contact.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-  
My P.O.V  
—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-  
I felt the throws of an orgasm take over my entire body- Ecstasy thrumming through every fibre of my being, making me feel weightless.   
It reached its peak after a moment and just as quickly as that moment, it slowly dissipated to slow ebbs of pleasure from Sherlock's slowing movements. I wouldn't have realised that he had, himself climaxed if it were not for the faltered thrusts where he had obviously ejaculated.

I felt his pace go to a melody and then to nothing, him still inside me. I felt is weight shift slightly but with the movements came more spasms of his muscles which he couldn't control, pushing him into me slightly further-he was still ejaculating slightly so his body took the natural response.  
I ran my hand down his back as his muscles tensed and spasmed, I felt him sigh as his body finally finished (in all senses of the term.) his forearms were still placed at the sides of my head and we were still trying to catch our breaths- apart from that there was complete silence. He dropped his head into my shoulder and I ran my hand gently through his soft curls, i just felt his lips press a kiss to my shoulder where his head was placed. I pressed a kiss to his head, allowing my eyes to close as I did so.

"I love you."  
The words left my lips before i had processed what the words actually were and that is exactly what I wanted to do- it is exactly how I wanted it to happen.   
He lifted his head immediately, almost in shock, not expecting me to say it…he just looks at me for a moment, processing what I had just said- he knew why I hadn't said it before and that, psychologically speaking, this was a /big/ (if not important) step for me. 

He reached up to stroke my face lightly with his thumb, he leaned up and kissed me reverently. After which, silence hung in the air, him looking at me with a calculativeness, only he could prescribe.   
"Say it again."

I suddenly forgot what i had just said at the abrupt question and began stuttering- he couldn't just ask me to do that again could he?! I couldn't just say it again... Was he going to throw this back in my face. I began to panic slightly.

He went onto stroke the side of my face some more as some reassurance.  
"Go on. Say it."

"I…love you."  
He let out a sigh to himself. 

——————————————  
Sherlock POV  
——————————————

"I love you."  
She said it. She said that she loved me.   
She. Loves me. 

My mind went blank. I was baffled beyond belief. She said that she lived someone. She loves- me, of all people. It was certainly a huge step psychologically speaking for her- going by analysis i have thus far.  
Shes making herself vulnerable. Deliberately…she looks concerned.

I begin to stroke her cheek as a form of comfort not to worry.   
Why had i fallen in love?! Why with her?! Why at all?!   
I whisper into her slightly parted lips my words, my own lips only a few millimetres away.

"You enthral me. Entice me. You could bring me to my knees if you tried.   
If you make me feel anywhere near as euphoric as the orgasms which have just coursed through our veins- which you do. In every single fathomable human way- which you do. I do love you. Contrary to what most people think, i can feel, sometimes…most of the time, i just choose not to."

She looked at me with reverence, seeming to…admire what I was saying.  
She broke out in a huge smile- the one i so rarely got to see.   
"You are choosing to feel?"

"Yes. for you."  
I answer quite flatly, not understanding the need for clarification. 

She places a hand to my neck and one into my hair.  
"Come here you confusing man!"  
She smiles as she pulls me into a kiss.  
When we break the simple kiss, she requests:

"Could you pull out of me please…its getting a little bit uncomfortable."

I had forgotten that I hadn't pulled out yet  
"Oh, of course…uhh."  
I pulled out properly which brought a small groan to be exhaled. I roll off the condom with my free hand before placing it in the bin, under the side table which was next to the bed.   
I rolled over from my place above her and lay on my back, on the left-hand side of the bed. Silence hung between us, neither of us even making eye contact- the ceiling was holding both of our attentions. One of her arms lay across her chest while the other-her right hand- lay beside her body. As did my left hand. 

Silence…silence

In a single moment i felt her hand move and she laced her hand with my own- I looked down immediately to the gesture, and then to her; she was still enraptured by the nothingness of the ceiling, obviously afraid to look at me or my reaction.   
I pulled up our laced hands and placed a kiss to the back of her hand- only then did she look at me- she smiled, shyly at me. I just smiled back- it didn't surprise me that she was shy about it now.

I rolled onto my side and placed my hand-roughly- on her waist, near her back so she was lead to being rolled on her side to, both of us resting our weight upon out hands so the pressure was upon our elbows.   
I dived quickly for her neck and blew (what i believed was called) a 'raspberry' onto her neck (although i have no idea why- it sounded nothing like a raspberry- or any other fruit i had ever encountered.) she began to laugh and giggle.  
"Sherlock! Haha"

I let go of her neck once her obvious good mood had been surfaced under uncertainty and awkwardness.  
"What was that for?"

"You have just experienced one of the greatest pleasures of being human, you are clearly in a good mood but have chosen to hide it. I just thought, i'd give you a hand."

She smiles again.  
"Then I thank you..."  
She placed a hand to my arm and kept it there, making little circles with her thumb- her gaze switching from the pattern to my own gaze.

"Are you sure you haven't done that before?"  
She raises an eyebrow at me.  
I was unsure as to why she was asking…

"I'm sure. First time…why? Whats wrong?"

She moved so her body was against mine, with her lips millimetres from my neck.   
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing…it's just…that, well…that felt like an above average performance for a first time…you seemed to know what you were doing…"

"You should know that I don't settle for 'average'- whatever that is, probably an ideal normal people strive towards.  
As to knowing my way around- trial and error, i'm not oblivious to female anatomy or the fact that the clitoral region is one of the only parts of the female body, built solely for pleasure."

She looks at me with lust in her eyes before she begins to kiss her way up my neck, only stopping to speak.  
"how about another round?"

"Really?"  
I looked at her in disbelief.

"I've wanted to do this for an extremely long time now, don't think I will only take one opportunity."  
I flipped her onto her back.

"Then lets experiment Miss Camden."

 

And so we did- he had 2 condoms left from what was in his pocket prior- I was sore the next day…unusually so.

——————————————  
Now  
——————————————

"Do you remember the cheer of applause you got from the boys?"  
He rolls his yes.

"Unfortunately, yes. A pitiful display of pride."

"How did they even know?"

"As understanding goes, they heard the bed creaking…and then moans…"

"Really?  
Christ, that is embarrassing."  
I looked up at him in disbelief. 

He nodded.  
"At least I know know why I was getting peculiar looks from the girls…i always knew these walls were thin.

I can remember, you coming out of the library to a swarm of the boys' cheering and clapping. You were quite lost as I recall."

"How do you know about that?"  
I look at him.

"I was walking past the library at the time and I was later told what the parade was about."

"Ah, yes. I despised some of the people at this infernal university, thinking that having sex is a reason to applaud a person.  
I really wonder what its like in their funny little minds-normal people- it must be so boring…it must be so boring not being me."

I chuckled slightly-he never actually knew he was making arrogant remarks, bless him. He was king of his own castle, quite literally- his mind palace was an actual thing and he was his own king.

"Yes, Sherlock. Unfortunately the world has great minds and they just don't know how to use them. However, not all of us have the mind of a genius."  
I smirk, indulging his own praise.

"It would seem that way…speaking of inferior minds, how is my brother?"

I raise my eyebrows and smile.  
"Now, now Sherlock, be nice.  
He is absolutely fine as I understand it- he was working when I left so I only encountered Alana."

He began to play with the chain around my neck, the sound of the rings, the only noise made.  
Silence descended for a moment, and hung there.

He sighed and then silence re-entered the room, dominating all else.  
"Why are you doing this?"

He gave me a weird look which represented all that he said next.   
"Do I need a reason to give you things?"

"No, but it's not exactly normal behaviour and I never ask that you buy me things…"

"Yes, however that is more to do with self-sufficient pride, than needing a reason."

I put my left-hand over his, to stop him playing with the rings or the chain and the noise stopped  
"My self-sufficient pride has nothing to do with this.  
/Why/ are you giving me these?--especially the watch-"  
I turn my left-wrist upwards motioning to the watch   
"-because that is putting me at a loss of why you would give me it if there wasn't anything going on.   
Now talk Holmes."  
He raises his eyebrows in surprise- he wasn't expecting me to be so instant. 

He took his hand away from my grasp at my neck and got up from the bed to walk into the kitchen, shouting through the doorway.  
"There is no reason. This isn't exactly a 'normal' situation to be in. Just enjoy the sentiment."

I didn't believe him- of course I didn't. No man, spontaneously gives their partner gifts unless they've  
A.) done something wrong  
B.) got a guilty conscience  
or (the much less likely)  
C.) got money to burn

I- still weary that he is probably lying- drop the subject.  
I hear him fiddle around in the kitchen, clattering cups etc (why was there cutlery and crockery in an empty room?)  
I then hear dead silence. He bounds into the room and looks straight out of the window.

"Sherlock, what's wrong?"

"We need to leave."  
He pulls me up from the bed, immediately pulling me through the door. The coat hung on my arm, his hand pulling m hastily through the corridor. The voices drew closer

"You take the east wing, we'll take the west. Suspect must be apprehended at all costs, possibly in the company of a woman in her mid to late 20's"

I process exactly what…whoever that was, was actually saying.

"Sherlock, whats going on?"

His hand was still firmly grasping my arm, pulling me to almost a jog, through the corridors, checking every corner before turning.  
He replies, in a hushed voice.   
"Police. They've found me.  
When i say run. Run."

He leads me down the stairs to exit the hall of residence and stops, looking around the corner of the archway leading outside. He quickly pulls me back and into the pitch black hollow of the staircase, pushing himself against me so we were occupying as small a space as possible, clamping his hand over my mouth. 

I soon realise why, when 5 S.W.A.T officers run through the arch, guns in hand, soon running up the staircase we were currently hidden under, with army precision. When the only noises left were mine and Sherlock's breathing, then and only then did he take his hand away from my mouth.  
He grasped my wrist, yet again, mumbling to himself  
"How did they find me?"

"Sherlock, how on earth did they find you?"

He pops his head out of the archway once more to check the ground is clear.  
"I'm asking myself the same thing…  
follow me. After 3. 1…2…3."

We bounded out of the archway, through the slight patch of grass in the court yard, taking the shortest route to try and evade any sight of officers; in vain, as it turned out, be because shots were soon to follow the route we were taking, the bullets ricocheting on the sedimentary path, getting ever-closer as snipers were firing from open windows of the university. We sprinted the short distance we had to go to be off the university campus completely before we had to sprint though the streets.   
I could feel my heart pounding, the adrenaline pumping through my veins as the noise of police sirens drew ever closer… 

*Bang*


End file.
